What Will We Write?

Day after day, we write messages to our children that they will carry into the future.  Some are in words, many more are in actions.

They won't necessarily live by what we write.  They won't necessarily remember with their minds, but somewhere in the people they become will be a memory of our daily messages.

My oldest isn't even ten yet, so how can I know this?  Because I see it in myself, and I see it in the people around me.  As adults, we choose our paths through life and our parents deserve neither the credit, nor the blame, for where we land.  But.  Childhood experiences can either smooth the journey or... "rough" it.

So what will we write?

Will they grow up knowing that anything good is worth working for?  Will they grow up believing that mistakes are opportunities? ... Or disasters?  Will they wonder why the world is out to get them? ... Or will they recognise that stupidity has a price tag and learn to make better choices next time?  Will life be all about them, or all about others?  Above all, will they be willing to grow? ...Or will they want to put down roots where they are, as they are, and stay there for the rest of their lives?

Our messages are everywhere.  In our expectations.  And in our lack of expectations.  In our tone of voice.  In our silence.  Written on our faces.  Even if we don't know what we are saying, our kids will.

Do we expect our children to rise to their potential?  Or are we happy for them to putter along in a state of mediocrity (for them) because they are "bright" (by the world's standards), content with their feeble efforts at maintaining the status quo.  Or, on the other hand, do we try to drag our children up to an impossible standard (for them) because they are "slow" (by the world's standards), never satisfied with their courage and persistence in reaching for an unreasonable goal?

What will we write?

Will we congratulate our children for merely not making trouble and not being "bad"?  Or will we teach them to strive for what is good and right?  By striving for what is good and right ourselves?

Will our children learn that saying sorry is to be avoided at all costs, because it is an admission of guilt and failure?  Or will they learn to own up and say sorry... time after time, if necessary?  Will they learn that it is enough that they "didn't mean to", or will they learn to "mean not to"?

We live in a world that will write messages to our children as well.

Will we let our children slide along with the culture and absorb their values from movies and social media because we really can't be bothered to be connected to them?  Because we just don't have the time and energy to spare from our own dreams and pursuits to truly plug into their lives?

Whoever we are, wherever we are, this parenting gig is hard, hard, hard work if we care about doing it right.  We will write messages to our children, by our presence, or our absence.  The question is, what will we write?