So You're Thinking About Homeschooling...

It's been four and a half years now since we first officially started our homeschooling journey.  I've learnt a lot in that time, and expect to keep on learning for the rest of my life.  Four plus years on, this post is for anyone thinking about taking that step into the unknown (although it will probably be most useful to parents of young children since my oldest is grade four level, so I have no experience in homeschooling older children).

Much of what I would like to suggest is not what we did from the start, but what I wish we did from the start.  Hopefully others might benefit from some of my stumbling-along-in-the-dark experiences.

First of all, I would encourage you to examine your reasons really carefully.  Ponder them, pray about them, talk about them to anyone who will listen, write them down...  Because, at some point, things will go pear-shaped.  Life is like that.  Stuff goes wrong.  If you send your kid(s) to school stuff will go wrong.  If you keep your kid(s) at home stuff will go wrong.  The difference is, that if you keep your kids home, homeschooling is much more likely to get the blame for things that go wrong and there is a high likelihood that someone (or everyone, as the case may be) will suggest school as the solution.  The reverse (those around you suggesting that school is the problem and homeschooling is the solution) may happen, but is far less common.

So.  Homeschooling goes against the status quo, and you can expect that there may be people in your life who will take every opportunity to pressure you to put your kids in school.  For that reason, it's best to have some clarity in your own mind about why you want to homeschool and about what the "deal-breakers" are for you.  Otherwise, you will vulnerable to every dissenting voice you hear - and if you're unlucky there may be many dissenting voices.  I've been fortunate to be surrounded by support, but it seems that my situation is very rare.

Are you considering homeschooling for academic reasons?  Are you willing to give up the hours of your day, five days a week to provide the mental stimulation or "head start" that may enhance your child's adult life?  Are you happy to give up the potential extra income or time pursuing your own interests, or time with younger children for that cause?

Are you concerned about bullying?  What if your kid gets bullied outside of school?  What if life is harder in the future because he or she doesn't know how to "fit in" with "normal" people?

I'm playing the devil's advocate here, because some parents start homeschooling with high hopes, unreachable ideals and unachievable expectations.  Only to be flattened by the reality that kids are still kids and don't always "pick up" bad behaviour from others. I'm an ardent advocate of homeschooling, but I'm also an ardent advocate of living in reality.

If you can, I would really encourage you to discuss homeschooling with those nearest and dearest to you.  If you are really willing to hear them and also respectfully share your perspective, they are much more likely to be "on your side", whatever you decide in the end.  Parents or close friends may bring up valid concerns that you hadn't considered - or they may surprise you with a more objective view of the school system as a whole (if they don't have kids themselves - if they have their own kids, then they will probably struggle to be completely objective - I know I do).  We did talk to our families about homeschooling before we took that step, and I'm glad we did.  We also asked some  teaching professionals (who we greatly respected, but weren't in our closest circle of friends) what they thought about homeschooling.

Everyone we spoke to brought a different perspective and helped us create a big picture that enabled us to decide that public school was not a landscape we wanted to paint our kids into at that time.  (Private school was out of the question financially.)

Above all, please, please go beyond the questions of academic and social considerations.  This is not a post about why you should homeschool your kids.  It's a post about why you should think about the decisions you make about your child(ren)'s future.  I respect those who weigh up their options and decide to send their kids to school.  I worry about kids whose parents just.... decide.

Find out what the school system is about.  (Don't just go on hearsay.) The education department has goals  for your children.  Are you happy with those goals?  If not, can you still come to a compromise?  How do you feel about your little girl or boy being under the authority of someone who may reject your dearest values?  What will you do if your little one is "sick" every school morning?  What will you do if your child starts telling you that she wants to marry her best friend (also a girl), because her best friend's Mummy married a girl (a valid question for homeschoolers as well as "schoolers")?  What will you do when your child gets in trouble for doing something that you think was right?

I'm not suggesting that I have a bunch of right answers for these questions - but that we all, as parents, need to get into the habit of pro-acting instead of reacting.

Although many of us enter homeschooling territory as a reaction - either to our own past, or that of our children - homeschooling as a reaction to all the bad stuff "out there" has a very limited shelf life.  At some point, to be truly successful, homeschooling has to start being proactive - it has to start being about all the great stuff we can give to our children beyond the school system (in the end, all parents are homeschoolers - just some choose to send their kids to school away from home during "business" hours).

If we are simply running away from school, then disillusionment is sure to strike at some point.  If we have a mission and a vision for our families, then it's a whole lot easier to make good decisions for our kid(s) based on whether a particular tool is going to take us where we're going - because we're actually following a predetemined path.  If we're running away, then the  myriad of possible paths leading away from our fear can be bewildering.

So I'm encouraging you to think about where you're going and why.  Have a direction, have goals, have a purpose, choose a path.  It's a lot easier to fill in the details if you really know why you're doing what you're doing.  Advanced calculus doesn't seem quite so important when you put it into the context that you are teaching a very creative, artistic child to be a good steward with her talents.  You can relax when she hits a brick wall with fractions, remembering that she is unlikely to choose engineering as a profession... and that's OK.  On the other hand, maybe you'll push her through the fractions for the sake of the character that comes from doing something hard and unpleasant.  Either way, it's all about the mission and the vision - as long as those are uppermost, you'll experience a lot less (of your own) tears and frustration.

Whether you homeschool or send your kids to school, there will be days when you will question yourself and your decisions.  You will experience guilt - it is the inheritance of motherhood (sorry dads, if you're reading this). BUT.  If you have laid the foundations of purposeful parenting, then you can either put the guilt where it belongs (in the bin) ... or reconsider your circumstances and determine whether it's time for a new approach to how you are going to achieve your mission.  Hopefully we start with a mission and a vision to last a lifetime, but hopefully we also have the humility to revisit our very reasons for being if necessary.