We won't be singing Christmas carols today. We won't be unwrapping presents left by "Santa" around a tree. We won't be wishing friends and family a "Merry Christmas".
We don't celebrate Christmas because of its pagan origins. We don't believe in "borrowing" celebrations from other religions to worship the True God.
Our focus is not on the helpless baby Jesus laying in a manger, but on Jesus Christ crucified who died in order to give everyone the opportunity to become a true child of God by turning toward God and repenting (being truly sorry for, to the depths of our being) of our sins (disobeying and rejecting God).
I know to many people it seems like we're wet blankets. Who wouldn't love tinsel and pretty lights and giving gifts? Well... we would enjoy them if they didn't represent rejecting the celebrations that God actually ordained in favour of pagan traditions and superstitions.
God speed the day when there truly is Peace on Earth.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
No Pain But Mine
Several years ago, we had a car accident that wrote off our car. While we profited from it financially through no fault of our own (we had bought the car that got wrecked at such a bargain price that its insured value was significantly higher than what we actually paid for it), this was the catalyst for such a tumultuous and dark period of our lives that I thought of it as The Accident for a long time. It was one of those events that you expect to define the rest of your life.
Outwardly, many would wonder how this could have been such a devastating event. Our children emerged unscathed, apart from a seemingly irrational fear of "tipping over" (even five years on) when we take a corner a little fast while driving. Our injuries were trivial. But within our emotional lives the cascade of conseqences was far-reaching - to the point of being almost unbearable at times.
To someone who had suffered a "real" trial, such as the death of a child or spouse, I'm sure my pain at the time must have seemed ridiculous. I could hardly have complained about my puny injuries to someone suffering from chronic illness. And yet, as irrational as it may have seemed from the outside, my soul was in agony.
Apart from the personal growth that can come from suffering, there is something else to be gained from pain. The Apostle Paul wrote:
In other words, God provides comfort in our times of suffering that enables and teaches us to comfort others in their suffering.
Unfortunately, in our weakness, we can develop an attitude of no pain but mine. No pain but mine is worthy of sympathy. In our deepest hearts, especially in the midst of a "big" trial, we can look down our noses at the "little" trials of others. No pain but mine is real pain. Without even realising it, we can despise our brothers and sisters for struggling to deal with what may seem to be small issues.
Clearly this incredibly destructive attitude is not what God has in mind when He comforts us in our grief. Certainly those suffering "little"trials need to be sensitive about what they say to those dragging their way through "big" trials... but the reverse is true as well.
There is no place in a true community for the no pain but mine attitude. Believe me, I've been guilty of it - I guess many of us have at some time or other, but we need to recognise where it comes from, and that's certainly not from God. After all, Jesus Christ doesn't turn up His nose in disgust when we cry out to Him - and He suffered more than any other man (or woman, or child).
I know some beautiful people who have suffered the kind of pain that makes me imagine having my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled on. What I love and admire about these people is that they have the love and compassion to see beyond their own pain to the suffering of others - however apparently trivial - and to be genuinely sympathetic, despite their own trials. This is what I aspire to as God softens my hard-heartedness and hard-headedness.
So often, because we only see the surface, we fail to understand how deeply and lastingly "small" things can hurt our brothers and sisters. We can also get so wrapped up in our own inner worlds that we become oblivious to what is really going on around us on the outside.
Jesus Christ, of course, is the ultimate example to which I aspire. I pray for the compassion and patience to understand that all pain is like mine. Perhaps not in degree (in many cases it is greater than mine, not less - whether I can see it or not) or outward appearance, but a hurting heart doesn't heal by being told that it shouldn't hurt. It heals by being heard.
Outwardly, many would wonder how this could have been such a devastating event. Our children emerged unscathed, apart from a seemingly irrational fear of "tipping over" (even five years on) when we take a corner a little fast while driving. Our injuries were trivial. But within our emotional lives the cascade of conseqences was far-reaching - to the point of being almost unbearable at times.
To someone who had suffered a "real" trial, such as the death of a child or spouse, I'm sure my pain at the time must have seemed ridiculous. I could hardly have complained about my puny injuries to someone suffering from chronic illness. And yet, as irrational as it may have seemed from the outside, my soul was in agony.
Apart from the personal growth that can come from suffering, there is something else to be gained from pain. The Apostle Paul wrote:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.
In other words, God provides comfort in our times of suffering that enables and teaches us to comfort others in their suffering.
Unfortunately, in our weakness, we can develop an attitude of no pain but mine. No pain but mine is worthy of sympathy. In our deepest hearts, especially in the midst of a "big" trial, we can look down our noses at the "little" trials of others. No pain but mine is real pain. Without even realising it, we can despise our brothers and sisters for struggling to deal with what may seem to be small issues.
Clearly this incredibly destructive attitude is not what God has in mind when He comforts us in our grief. Certainly those suffering "little"trials need to be sensitive about what they say to those dragging their way through "big" trials... but the reverse is true as well.
There is no place in a true community for the no pain but mine attitude. Believe me, I've been guilty of it - I guess many of us have at some time or other, but we need to recognise where it comes from, and that's certainly not from God. After all, Jesus Christ doesn't turn up His nose in disgust when we cry out to Him - and He suffered more than any other man (or woman, or child).
I know some beautiful people who have suffered the kind of pain that makes me imagine having my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled on. What I love and admire about these people is that they have the love and compassion to see beyond their own pain to the suffering of others - however apparently trivial - and to be genuinely sympathetic, despite their own trials. This is what I aspire to as God softens my hard-heartedness and hard-headedness.
So often, because we only see the surface, we fail to understand how deeply and lastingly "small" things can hurt our brothers and sisters. We can also get so wrapped up in our own inner worlds that we become oblivious to what is really going on around us on the outside.
Jesus Christ, of course, is the ultimate example to which I aspire. I pray for the compassion and patience to understand that all pain is like mine. Perhaps not in degree (in many cases it is greater than mine, not less - whether I can see it or not) or outward appearance, but a hurting heart doesn't heal by being told that it shouldn't hurt. It heals by being heard.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Between Two Worlds
We homeschoolers often don't like to talk about the challenges we face. Maybe because we're scared that Others will take it as proof that we are inadequate for the job. Or maybe because it will shatter an illusion of perfection.
My challenge right now is that I feel caught between two worlds. The world of toddlers and library story time and playgroup and the world of big kids and big kid activities. The two don't always mix well. A lot of big kid activities are... difficult ... with a toddler in tow who wants to do it all too.
I gave up taking big kids to playgroup a long time ago - it just seemed... weird.
And in the world of homeschoolers, it seems a lot of people don't start on this journey until they've experienced a few years of mainstream school. Sooooo, this can be a lonely place - homeschooling and having little ones to consider and nurture.
It can be really, really hard work investing the love and care into each of these little people. Definitely worth the effort, but... well, if you're considering homeschooling and have toddlers/preschoolers, be prepared for some hard times.
No doubt I will find new challenges with each season of being a parent. I'm OK with where life is right now. Not ecstatic with the wonder of just living life, but OK with it.
Sometimes we don't say these things though. We don't always talk about the ordinary, day-to-day Life. So today I am. I'm just saying - this is how it is for me right now. That's all.
My challenge right now is that I feel caught between two worlds. The world of toddlers and library story time and playgroup and the world of big kids and big kid activities. The two don't always mix well. A lot of big kid activities are... difficult ... with a toddler in tow who wants to do it all too.
I gave up taking big kids to playgroup a long time ago - it just seemed... weird.
And in the world of homeschoolers, it seems a lot of people don't start on this journey until they've experienced a few years of mainstream school. Sooooo, this can be a lonely place - homeschooling and having little ones to consider and nurture.
It can be really, really hard work investing the love and care into each of these little people. Definitely worth the effort, but... well, if you're considering homeschooling and have toddlers/preschoolers, be prepared for some hard times.
No doubt I will find new challenges with each season of being a parent. I'm OK with where life is right now. Not ecstatic with the wonder of just living life, but OK with it.
Sometimes we don't say these things though. We don't always talk about the ordinary, day-to-day Life. So today I am. I'm just saying - this is how it is for me right now. That's all.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
There is No Cure
Let's be honest with ourselves: there is no cure for bad parenting moments.
The one absolute guarantee of being a parent is that we will stuff up. Sometimes in a really big way. There is no cure. Homeschooling will not cure parents or children of miscommunication, impatience, frustration, or any of the other myriad of relationship enemies every parent and child must face at times.
Nor will sending kids to school shield them from the bad influence of our anger, laziness, selfishness... or in fact any of our character weaknesses.
Let me repeat myself: there is no cure for bad parenting moments. We will damage our children - whether we keep them at home within the loving embrace of family life... or whether we send them out as intrepid voyagers into the big, wide world.
So often we fool ourselves with the idea that there is a formula that will give our children the perfect lives... That if we send them to the right schools (or don't send them to school), control every aspect of their lives (or give them the freedom to discover the world for themselves), etc, etc, that somehow they will turn out "right".
The problem with all the formulae ever devised is that we are imperfect and our children have free will.
Of course there are good ways and bad ways of parenting. Beating children into cowering submission is unlikely to yield a happy result. On the other hand, letting them "express themselves" through tantrums and whining is equally unlikely to bring about success.
If our value as human being is tied up in how our kids "turn out" we are headed for disaster and confusion. A child may become an outstanding citizen despite being brought up by the most horrible and vindictive people on the planet. Or a child may become a cruel psychopath, despite being brought up in a loving but demanding home. To believe that we can control the outcome of our children's lives is to deny our humanity and theirs.
Being effective as parents is about being effective as people. If we live with integrity and honesty, we give our kids the best (although not the only) chance of doing the same. If we live by double-standards in a me-first world, we make it difficult (although not impossible) for our children to walk a path of integrity.
Being a parent is simply about being a person. And there is no cure for that.
The one absolute guarantee of being a parent is that we will stuff up. Sometimes in a really big way. There is no cure. Homeschooling will not cure parents or children of miscommunication, impatience, frustration, or any of the other myriad of relationship enemies every parent and child must face at times.
Nor will sending kids to school shield them from the bad influence of our anger, laziness, selfishness... or in fact any of our character weaknesses.
Let me repeat myself: there is no cure for bad parenting moments. We will damage our children - whether we keep them at home within the loving embrace of family life... or whether we send them out as intrepid voyagers into the big, wide world.
So often we fool ourselves with the idea that there is a formula that will give our children the perfect lives... That if we send them to the right schools (or don't send them to school), control every aspect of their lives (or give them the freedom to discover the world for themselves), etc, etc, that somehow they will turn out "right".
The problem with all the formulae ever devised is that we are imperfect and our children have free will.
Of course there are good ways and bad ways of parenting. Beating children into cowering submission is unlikely to yield a happy result. On the other hand, letting them "express themselves" through tantrums and whining is equally unlikely to bring about success.
If our value as human being is tied up in how our kids "turn out" we are headed for disaster and confusion. A child may become an outstanding citizen despite being brought up by the most horrible and vindictive people on the planet. Or a child may become a cruel psychopath, despite being brought up in a loving but demanding home. To believe that we can control the outcome of our children's lives is to deny our humanity and theirs.
Being effective as parents is about being effective as people. If we live with integrity and honesty, we give our kids the best (although not the only) chance of doing the same. If we live by double-standards in a me-first world, we make it difficult (although not impossible) for our children to walk a path of integrity.
Being a parent is simply about being a person. And there is no cure for that.
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