If It Really Matters...

I have a confession to make. I'm pedantic. As a result, I have a pet hate of snappy sayings. One of my most disliked is: "there's no such thing as can't" or "nothing's impossible".

When someone says either of those to me, I really feel like saying something like: "so you're saying I'm just not trying hard enough to sprout purple feathers and fly to the moon?" Obviously there are many things that I can't do - that are impossible - such as give birth to a walrus (OK, so maybe science will get there one day, but I really doubt it) or turn everything I touch into mouldy cheese, or turn a raging cyclone into a mild summer breeze.

What is true, is what the Bible says: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I like that much, much better - mainly because it's God's word, not something that impatient adults make up to get kids to try harder. (Yes, I know that many people say these things with the best of intentions and I really do appreciate that, but let's stick to telling kids the things that are really true.)

I paraphrase that as: "if it's really important, it can be done. If it can't be done, it's not really important." I have to warn you, though, that only works if you're relying on God's strength instead of your own. God does let us fall flat on our faces and fail at the truly important things to teach us to rely on him (that all important phrase: "through Christ who strengthens me"). How do I know? Because it's happened to me. I've failed at being patient or kind to my husband or children because I was leaning on my own pitiful strength. I know that patience and kindness matter because the Bible says so.

The thing is, we can live our lives full of angst over all the important things that seem impossible... or over the impossible things that seem important... Or we can let go of our own ideas of important and impossible and let God decide what really needs to be done. Not just in the moments of despair and desperation, but every moment of every day.

The results are sure to be awesome.

Homeschooling Doesn't...

I know I've said it before in other ways, but homeschooling isn't perfect. It certainly isn't a way of setting apart the really good parents from the really bad. Bad parents can homeschool, too. It's a decision many make after careful and thoughtful consideration. It's a decision that some make on the spur of the moment without much regard for future ramifications (I don't have anyone specific in mind here!).

Homeschooling doesn't mean that parents love their children. Many loving parents homeschool their children. Many loving parents send their children to school. Some children who are homeschooled are, and will be, neglected and abused. The fact that the parents are educating their children at home does not make abuse any less vile and disgusting.

Homeschooling doesn't shield children from smut or evil or rebellion or... whatever. There are many ways that rubbish can enter our homes and our lives. If we as parents have a habit of letting that rubbish in, our children will soon learn to do the same.

Homeschooling doesn't create strong family relationships. It can facilitate strong family relationships, but ultimately people build relationships. Unless we directly put our efforts into building relationships, they won't... be built. (Simple, really, but I have to remind myself... often!)

Homeschooling doesn't make our children kinder, or more thoughtful, or less self-centred. It is an opportunity to teach and guide them more closely in these areas, but if the opportunity is neglected, the outcome is likely to be mediocre (although our children are certainly able to rise above our failures as parents).

I could go on and on, but what I'm trying to say is that homeschooling is a tool. A hammer in the hands of a psychopath is a weapon, but in the hands of tradesman, it is a tool. In the hands of an expert tradesman it can produce a masterpiece. In the hands of a toddler, it's likely to yield sore toes and a lot of noise.

As parents it's worth remembering that both homeschooling and schooling are tools. We are the tradesman and our children apprentices. If we neglect our work and leave it to the apprentices, we can expect poor results. We hope that ultimately our children will become expert tradesman, but that depends both on our commitment to mentoring them and their commitment to growth.

Homeschooling doesn't guarantee success. It doesn't guarantee happiness. But, when all is said and done, may we all have the satisfaction of knowing that, whatever tools we used, we used them well.

When They Ask Why

It's a perennial frustration of homeschoolers around the world - the seemingly endless questions about qualifications (ours), socialization (our kids' - though perhaps we should be asked about our socialization!), stress (how will we manage?), learning to cope with the "real" world... the list goes on (and on, and on...)

It can be hard to respond graciously when almost-strangers start interrogating you with the apparent intent of leaving no stone unturned.

I'm incredibly fortunate to have a very supportive family, including among those who have decided to send their own kids to school. For a lot of homeschoolers, family gatherings can be a battleground to prove their worth as both parents and teachers. I'm not going to pretend that I have any idea what that's really like, because I haven't experienced it first-hand, so I know I don't.

I do have some experience with being asked all kinds of questions by mere acquaintances, and I thought I'd share how I "cope". (The most interesting question I've ever had was: "do you find that easier, then?" Which was asked on two different occasions - several years apart - by the same person!)

Here are my tips for keeping your cool when questioned (feel free to add to the list!):

1) Believe the best you can about the questioner. Try not to assume that your integrity and sanity is being questioned. Many people are really just curious or genuinely interested, even if they do rub you up the wrong way.

2) Don't set out to prove yourself. While we may feel compelled to convince others that we are doing a good job, it can come across as a put-down to other parents if we start rabbiting on about all the fabulous things we and our kids are doing (subtly implying that they aren't doing such a great job). Conversations (and friendships) are likely to go down-hill from there.

3) Feel free to change the subject. If it's getting uncomfortable, encourage the other person to talk about positive things that their kids are doing.

4) Seek to understand. If someone seems hostile, maybe it's worth getting to the bottom of that hostility. More than likely it's not about you at all, but maybe there's something bothering them that they need to talk about (without feeling like your thinking, "well if you'd just take your kids out of school...").

5) Don't be afraid to admit you don't have all the answers. Who likes a know-it-all, anyway? Being arrogant (yep, seriously guilty of that one here) really doesn't help anything (okay, so that's completely obvious, I know - I guess I'm writing that for myself more than anyone else!).

6) Be honest! I tell people about my bad days too. Homeschooling isn't the answer to every problem the earth has ever seen, and others may get a little annoyed (to say the least) if we give that impression.

7) Be willing to walk away. Okay, so there will be a few people out there who just want to cut you down to make themselves feel better about their own choices (nothing to do with homeschooling and everything to do with insecurity) - when you meet one of them, it's best to find a way to walk away politely, but as soon as possible.

8) Above all, remember why you are here. Before and beyond homeschooling, I am a follower of Christ, and I want people to know that any good they see in my life is not a result of a magical homeschooling formula, but rather, that it is by the grace of God.

God bless your journey, wherever it takes you!

Camping...

Just a few photos of our camping trip to a farm that belongs to family friends. A highlight was a visit to an animal farm that got the girls scheming about how they can have a pet goat.

The weather was beautiful, the river was cool, and I was blessed to have Raamonster's parents helping me out in every way imaginable. The only sad part was that the Raamonster could only come for two days because of his work commitments.

What We Won't Be Doing Today

We won't be singing Christmas carols today. We won't be unwrapping presents left by "Santa" around a tree. We won't be wishing friends and family a "Merry Christmas".

We don't celebrate Christmas because of its pagan origins. We don't believe in "borrowing" celebrations from other religions to worship the True God.

Our focus is not on the helpless baby Jesus laying in a manger, but on Jesus Christ crucified who died in order to give everyone the opportunity to become a true child of God by turning toward God and repenting (being truly sorry for, to the depths of our being) of our sins (disobeying and rejecting God).

I know to many people it seems like we're wet blankets. Who wouldn't love tinsel and pretty lights and giving gifts? Well... we would enjoy them if they didn't represent rejecting the celebrations that God actually ordained in favour of pagan traditions and superstitions.

God speed the day when there truly is Peace on Earth.

No Pain But Mine

Several years ago, we had a car accident that wrote off our car. While we profited from it financially through no fault of our own (we had bought the car that got wrecked at such a bargain price that its insured value was significantly higher than what we actually paid for it), this was the catalyst for such a tumultuous and dark period of our lives that I thought of it as The Accident for a long time. It was one of those events that you expect to define the rest of your life.

Outwardly, many would wonder how this could have been such a devastating event. Our children emerged unscathed, apart from a seemingly irrational fear of "tipping over" (even five years on) when we take a corner a little fast while driving. Our injuries were trivial. But within our emotional lives the cascade of conseqences was far-reaching - to the point of being almost unbearable at times.

To someone who had suffered a "real" trial, such as the death of a child or spouse, I'm sure my pain at the time must have seemed ridiculous. I could hardly have complained about my puny injuries to someone suffering from chronic illness. And yet, as irrational as it may have seemed from the outside, my soul was in agony.

Apart from the personal growth that can come from suffering, there is something else to be gained from pain. The Apostle Paul wrote:

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.

In other words, God provides comfort in our times of suffering that enables and teaches us to comfort others in their suffering.

Unfortunately, in our weakness, we can develop an attitude of no pain but mine. No pain but mine is worthy of sympathy. In our deepest hearts, especially in the midst of a "big" trial, we can look down our noses at the "little" trials of others. No pain but mine is real pain. Without even realising it, we can despise our brothers and sisters for struggling to deal with what may seem to be small issues.

Clearly this incredibly destructive attitude is not what God has in mind when He comforts us in our grief. Certainly those suffering "little"trials need to be sensitive about what they say to those dragging their way through "big" trials... but the reverse is true as well.

There is no place in a true community for the no pain but mine attitude. Believe me, I've been guilty of it - I guess many of us have at some time or other, but we need to recognise where it comes from, and that's certainly not from God. After all, Jesus Christ doesn't turn up His nose in disgust when we cry out to Him - and He suffered more than any other man (or woman, or child).

I know some beautiful people who have suffered the kind of pain that makes me imagine having my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled on. What I love and admire about these people is that they have the love and compassion to see beyond their own pain to the suffering of others - however apparently trivial - and to be genuinely sympathetic, despite their own trials. This is what I aspire to as God softens my hard-heartedness and hard-headedness.

So often, because we only see the surface, we fail to understand how deeply and lastingly "small" things can hurt our brothers and sisters. We can also get so wrapped up in our own inner worlds that we become oblivious to what is really going on around us on the outside.

Jesus Christ, of course, is the ultimate example to which I aspire. I pray for the compassion and patience to understand that all pain is like mine. Perhaps not in degree (in many cases it is greater than mine, not less - whether I can see it or not) or outward appearance, but a hurting heart doesn't heal by being told that it shouldn't hurt. It heals by being heard.

Between Two Worlds

We homeschoolers often don't like to talk about the challenges we face. Maybe because we're scared that Others will take it as proof that we are inadequate for the job. Or maybe because it will shatter an illusion of perfection.

My challenge right now is that I feel caught between two worlds. The world of toddlers and library story time and playgroup and the world of big kids and big kid activities. The two don't always mix well. A lot of big kid activities are... difficult ... with a toddler in tow who wants to do it all too.

I gave up taking big kids to playgroup a long time ago - it just seemed... weird.

And in the world of homeschoolers, it seems a lot of people don't start on this journey until they've experienced a few years of mainstream school. Sooooo, this can be a lonely place - homeschooling and having little ones to consider and nurture.

It can be really, really hard work investing the love and care into each of these little people. Definitely worth the effort, but... well, if you're considering homeschooling and have toddlers/preschoolers, be prepared for some hard times.

No doubt I will find new challenges with each season of being a parent. I'm OK with where life is right now. Not ecstatic with the wonder of just living life, but OK with it.

Sometimes we don't say these things though. We don't always talk about the ordinary, day-to-day Life. So today I am. I'm just saying - this is how it is for me right now. That's all.