Homeschoolers Don't Do School Well

After a number of years (nearly six now!) of homeschooling and meeting many families new to this adventure, I've learned something (at last! :))  Homeschoolers don't do school well.  Some are smart enough to never try, but many flounder, sometimes for years, wondering why nothing seems to be "working" and why they feel so burnt out.

Before you throw anything at me, I'm not saying that homeschoolers don't educate their children well.  There are many sterling examples of incredible young adults who have been thoroughly and successfully educated at home, by their own parents.  But seriously, I am yet to see a homeschooler do "school at home" well.

You see, despite the fact that we have taken our children out of school - hopefully for very good reasons, not on a whim! - many of us then try to emulate the school environment at home.  We often bring (or keep) our children home to nurture our relationships and celebrate their individuality, only to stuff them into hard chairs at desks with workbooks designed for a mass-produced education.

I'm not criticizing workbooks or desks - they have a legitimate place in many families, but I am criticizing a mass-produced education at home.  Why would we go to all the effort of copying the schools we don't want to send our children to?  Why do we worry so much about our kids "keeping up" when deep down we know very well that - unless we are downright neglectful - they wouldn't be "keeping up" any better at school than they are at home... When we know deep down that only 49% of children can be "above average" in any given area... When we know deep down that lots of kids "fall through the cracks" in the school system, but if we're paying any attention, we can't possibly not notice that a child isn't reading or doesn't "get" numbers, and so we'll work with them in a way and with an intensity that couldn't happen in a classroom, unless the teacher chose to ignore 19 or more other little people.

Sure, there will be lots of stuff our kids don't learn from us, but that will (hopefully) be either because there is a disability that would have stopped them from learning it at school anyway, OR because it's just not important enough right now (and if it's important later, they can always learn it later - our kids brains don't stop learning the moment they turn 18 or leave home!)

If we don't "believe in" school - why do we keep trying to copy it?  Why aren't we bolder when relatives and friends "test" our kids or question our methods?  Instead of trying to prove that we're "keeping up", why don't we explain that we're not sending our kids to school because we don't believe in it?

We're (most of us, anyway) homeschooling because we want to give our kids an entirely different kind of education, right?  We can't possibly successfully (and cheerfully) squeeze school as school is school in around the physical responsibilities of being a mother.  We can incorporate a valuable and value-filled education into every day life.

Our kids may never speak educationese, but they will be able to communicate with real people in real life.  Our kids may never find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, but they will learn that stealing is wrong.  Our kids may never participate in a school sports carnival, but will that permanently cripple them?  Their first test may be the learner driver test, but does that mean they haven't learned anything in the meantime?

This is not about picking on schools. Plenty of great people have come out of the school system.  This is about the fact that school is school and home is home and we don't have to be the same to educate our children.

Schools are expected to prepare kids for almost every possible scenario.  As parents, we can begin to see from an early age that there are some things our children won't become, so we don't need to "allow for" those possibilities.  I can say with 99% confidence that my three oldest girls won't become... lots of things - there a zillion possibilities I don't need to "allow for", so I get to concentrate more energy on their strengths and interests (that doesn't mean we neglect areas of weakness, just that we don't need to obsess over them - we can slow down and take our time to learn thoroughly, rather than worrying about "keeping up").

We have the freedom to be different - let's embrace it!

What Shall We Read?

If you're anything like me, with several insatiable young readers in the household, finding appropriate books can be a mammoth task.

I guess I'm pretty conservative when it comes to kid's reading material.  As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says - that you become what you think.  And what better way to think about something than to read about it?  Of course, even the Bible itself has stories of immorality and even downright depravity, but they are set in the context of morality.  The Bible describes the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, and then the penalty for that sin - their complete destruction.

I find helping my girls choose good books to be a minefield.  There is a lot of rubbish out there.  Amongst it, there are a few gems (very few written recently, in my opinion).  Meanwhile their  "appetite" for reading is huge, and there just don't seem to be enough good books to fill that chasm.  And I can't keep up in "censoring" the books before they read them. So sometimes I compromise.  And sometimes they have to read the same book 10 times.  And sometimes I tell them to go find something else to do.  After all, reading isn't some kind of virtue.  It's useful, it's enjoyable (for our family anyway), and in some cases (such as reading the Bible) it's really, really important.  But really, there are other things to learn and do as well, and sometimes reading can be a lazy and self-indulgent pleasure, rather than a helpful, uplifting and inspiring past-time.

Anyway, after all that, I thought I would share some of our family favourites.

What Katy Did by Susan Coolidge
I just love this book.  It probably doesn't rate as great "literature", but it is such a beautiful story of a girl learning many valuable lessons through a painful trial.  The characters are wonderfully human, but are trying to be "good".

Heidi by Johanna Spyri
Heidi is a lovely, warm-hearted little orphan who brings joy into her Grandfather's life, but also has to suffer some difficult trials and being terrible misunderstood.  (I don't know if other Johanna Spyri books are in print, but I've also enjoyed reading Erik and Sally and Cornelli, which I downloaded from the Gutenberg project website.)

Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter
I love Pollyanna's attitude to life - she is positive and friendly, but not flippant.  She too has to go through a very challenging time that tests her own philosophy on life.

Pigeon Pie by Charlotte Yonge
This is a story about the English Civil War which was both educational and an enjoyable family read.  A little girl's quick temper and tongue get her family into serious trouble.

Children of the New Forrest by Captain Marryat
Another story about the English Civil War.  Four children of a nobleman pretend to be the grandchildren of a Forrester and have to learn to survive in the New Forrest where they are living.  I picked up our version at an op shop and it's abridged, but I'm not sure what is missing.  It doesn't seem to have been overly simplified like some abridged editions.

Hayslope Grange: A Tale of the Civil War by Emma Leslie
And another story of the Civil war.  A young nobleman is cast off by his family because he joins the "rebel" cause. (A little on the melodramatic side at times :))

A Little Maid of Old Maine by Alice Turner Curtis
Based on a true story of a young girl whose heroic actions helped save her settlement at the beginning of the American Revolutionary War.  This author has also written a bunch of other books.  We accessed all of these on the Gutenberg project website.

My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
A boy runs away from his crowded home to live in the wilderness, fending for himself.

The Story of the Treasure Seekers by E. Nesbit
(We also loved the movie of her book, The Railway Children - I have the book on the shelf, but haven't read it yet).  A beautiful and touching story of a family of well-intentioned but mischievous children on a quest to earn money for their family.  (Oh, and we also enjoyed the movie of Five Children and It.  The five children find a "sand fairy" who grants their wishes with disastrous results.  I'm not "into" magic books, but since this doesn't really promote magic, but has some good lessons, I was happy with it.)

Deepwater by Judith O'Neill
A story of a small Victorian (Australian) farming community during the first world war and the prejudice against Germans at the time.

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
No, I don't normally allow my girls to read about witches, but I appreciated the Christian allegory in this book, and it's a lot of fun to read.  Four children enter the land of Naria through a wardrobe and learn a lot about themselves in the process.

There are many more books that we have enjoyed together and hope to enjoy in the future... I hope to add to this list with time.

If This Doesn't Pass

Today is a good day to write this - a subject that has been on my mind for years now.  I feel rotten today - probably food poisoning.  It feels like my intestines are being tied up in knots and my whole body wants to collapse in on itself.  I'm pretty confident right now that this will pass in a day or two.  A few years ago, though, I felt like this and it didn't pass so quickly.  For weeks - I'm not sure exactly how long - I felt like this.  It was long enough for me to start wondering if this was a permanent condition, but short enough that I didn't take it to the medical profession (I tend to resist going to doctors).

"This too shall pass" is a popular saying to share with those who are suffering.  For many, it's a source of true comfort.  But what if "this" - whatever it is - doesn't pass?  There have been times in my life when it would have been more comforting for someone to say to me: "don't worry, one day you'll die".  The prospect of death was much more reassuring than that of a life with less (whether physical, emotional or spiritual) pain.  I should qualify that by saying that the comfort of death lies in the promise of eternal life to come afterward.  I wouldn't find it so inviting if it was the final end to everything.

What if, for the forseeable future - perhaps even the rest of a lifetime - "this" won't pass?  Some problems actually just get bigger and older with time.  Pain isn't so bad if it's just for a day, but if it goes on and on unrelenting, then what?  And sometimes, we can flippantly throw someone that phrase "this too shall pass" with no understanding of what is really under the pain they are experiencing.  What people complain about is not necessarily what's really hurting.  It's a lot easier to talk about the flu or a difficult colleague at work than it is to explain an abused childhood (I'm deliberately using an example that doesn't apply to me).

What I personally find comforting is not simply the hope of a trial or challenge coming to an end in this lifetime, but knowing that behind every pain, God has a purpose and a plan.  I try to ask myself (have I said this before?) "what am I learning?"  Because, you know what?  I want this pain to be proactive!  If I'm hurting, I want it to achieve something!  I don't want to just be hanging around waiting for the hard stuff to be over and done with so I can get to the good stuff.  I can't get to the good stuff unless I learn from the hard stuff.

I don't tend to ask others in pain "what are you learning from this?" because I figure it's likely to come across as pretty insensitive and arrogant.  But I probably won't say "this too shall pass" either.  It might not pass.  This might be part of the rest of your physical life.  But God has a purpose and a plan. Do we want in on it or not?  Excuse me while I go and study. :)