Mind Your Manners!

Our oldest three girls have been away  with grandparents for the weekend, so the Raamonster and I have been home with just Baby.  Over those few days we've noticed that we still have to remind her to say please and thank you.

So, we're giving her a bit more encouragement to say them without being reminded by saying "no" to any request not accompanied by a "please", or taking things away when she forgets to say "thank you".  This seems to be rectifying the problem very quickly... and with minimal conflict.

In the process, I'm finding I'm paying more attention to how I speak to her.  Generally these kinds of situations highlight the fact that I'm not setting the example that I should.  Thankfully, I'm actually finding that the habit that I established very early in my days of parenting has stuck.  I do say please and thank you... Unfortunately, on the other hand, I often find myself using a tone of voice bordering on whining when the girls haven't been listening to me.  Not such a good habit!

Anyway, thinking about all this has reminded me of the importance of treating our children as people from day one.  Yes, as a parent I am in authority and they need to learn to do what I ask.  BUT, as the adult, I need to set the standard of respect for their personhood.  My kids have less authority, but they are not of less value than me as people.  How I speak to them sends a message every day about their value as people.  Now you may be thinking that saying "please" and "thank you" confuses children because they think you are making a suggestion or that a request is optional.  I have a simple solution - if there is a delayed reaction, I simply say (but still hopefully in a kind voice) "that's an instruction, not a request" (even very young children soon learn what that means!).

There are times when a firmer tone of voice or less polite wording is warranted, but overall I think the big thing us parents need to remember is that we're in charge of our children, we are responsible for their well-being, but we are not more important than them... And so, as a loving example to them, we need to mind our manners.