Homesick

With silent groans our hearts cry for home,
We are strangers here, in a land not our own.
Poured out like water on unyielding land,
Homesick and hungry since life first began.

Our lives written in blood, all our songs sung with pain,
Like a drought-stricken land, yearning for rain.
Yet all anguish is joy when we dream of our place,
Prepared just for us by God in His grace.

So whether we fade, oh, so slowly away,
Or, like a lily, bloom and wilt in a day,
Whether in psalms or unutterable moans,
Our cry is the same: "Bring us home! Bring us home!"

The Secret of Time

No one with any sense or sense of responsibilty would deny that parenting is a challenge. I'm pretty sure that worrying about whether you're doing the right thing is pretty common ground for most parents too.

When dealing with a troubling attitude or behavioural issue, it's only natural that we want to "fix" it straight away. If you're anything like me, if a discipline approach doesn't work within a few days (if not within a few hours), you want to give up on it and try something else.

Recently, I've been reminded of the secret ingredient of Time. No, not spending time with your kids. That's obviously crucial, but what I mean in this case is allowing kids the time to absorb the lesson you're trying to teach.

Chatterbox, like our other two at the same age, doesn't like to go to bed. Sleep must appear to be some kind of masochistic scheme to the two-year-old brain. Anyway, once she worked out how to climb out of the cot, even when the side was up, the battle lines were drawn. Night after night we were putting that sweet little cupcake back into bed with "reminders" that it was definitely Bed Time. Now that the worst is over, I remember that the battle with Miss Curie was equally drawn-out. Anyway, success crept up on us, over time. There are still loud protests and requests for water, hair clips and various other random items each bed time, but these are diminishing over time, AND she no longer gets out of bed! Hooray!

I expect many more such challenges to come our way over the years, and many more such lessons to be learnt!

Consistency is Key?

Since very early in my parenting journey, the phrase "consistency is key" has become a daunting refrain, echoed by many parents along varying stages of their journey - most of them at the end of it, though. (Yes, yes, I know you never stop being a parent, but by "the end" I mean that their kids have left home and are now largely responsible for their own lives).

Every time I think about consistency my stomach knots up, my throat tightens, and my head starts to buzz. I believe these are symptoms of panic. I panic because I know that if consistency is The Key of Competent Parenting, I am an utter failure after a mere six years in the trenches.

Consistency is completely impossible when you suffer from a severe case of "mother brain" (like "pregnant brain", only worse). How on earth can one consistently enforce rules and regulations that retreat to a fuzzy haze of uncertainty mere seconds after being declared? "I think I'm sure I might have told you that if you cut your hair again you wouldn't be allowed to use the scissors again for the rest of the week," somehow lacks conviction.

So what hope, if any, is there for those of us stuck in the doldrums of inconsistency? Or - more to the point - what hope is there for our children?

After pondering this point for some time, and considering the lack of biblical instruction on the Importance of Consistency, I feel reassured that my children are not (yet) doomed to eternal failure.

Certain things are consistent in our household. The Bible is the standard. God's Word is unchanging and absolute truth. Life is not about being good, it's about growing good. As humans we will fail - in the Raamonster household, failure is fairly frequent. Acknowledging our mistakes and our need for God and striving to do better next time, now that is key. Our children need to be allowed to be human too.

When we get lost on our way to an unfamiliar place, most of us don't give up on the whole journey just because we made a wrong turn. Depending on the degree of our error, that wrong turn may have small (being a little bit late if we miss a turn-off) or big (a car accident if we go the wrong way up a one-way street) consequences, but if we are willing to do a course correction, we can still reach our destination. On the other hand, if we keep heading in the wrong direction, we'll never get there.

So, my conclusion is this: there should be consistency in our standards (i.e. at no time ever is it OK to lie) and in our ultimate goal (the glory of God and eternal life for everyone according to His plan). However, by our very nature, our administration of the standards and the goal is doomed to inconsistency (we might be too soft or too hard in dealing out consequences, depending on our mood, the time of the month, how much sleep we've had, etc). That doesn't mean that our children are doomed. It just means that they'll learn to be human just like us.