With silent groans our hearts cry for home,
We are strangers here, in a land not our own.
Poured out like water on unyielding land,
Homesick and hungry since life first began.
Our lives written in blood, all our songs sung with pain,
Like a drought-stricken land, yearning for rain.
Yet all anguish is joy when we dream of our place,
Prepared just for us by God in His grace.
So whether we fade, oh, so slowly away,
Or, like a lily, bloom and wilt in a day,
Whether in psalms or unutterable moans,
Our cry is the same: "Bring us home! Bring us home!"
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Secret of Time
No one with any sense or sense of responsibilty would deny that parenting is a challenge. I'm pretty sure that worrying about whether you're doing the right thing is pretty common ground for most parents too.
When dealing with a troubling attitude or behavioural issue, it's only natural that we want to "fix" it straight away. If you're anything like me, if a discipline approach doesn't work within a few days (if not within a few hours), you want to give up on it and try something else.
Recently, I've been reminded of the secret ingredient of Time. No, not spending time with your kids. That's obviously crucial, but what I mean in this case is allowing kids the time to absorb the lesson you're trying to teach.
Chatterbox, like our other two at the same age, doesn't like to go to bed. Sleep must appear to be some kind of masochistic scheme to the two-year-old brain. Anyway, once she worked out how to climb out of the cot, even when the side was up, the battle lines were drawn. Night after night we were putting that sweet little cupcake back into bed with "reminders" that it was definitely Bed Time. Now that the worst is over, I remember that the battle with Miss Curie was equally drawn-out. Anyway, success crept up on us, over time. There are still loud protests and requests for water, hair clips and various other random items each bed time, but these are diminishing over time, AND she no longer gets out of bed! Hooray!
I expect many more such challenges to come our way over the years, and many more such lessons to be learnt!
When dealing with a troubling attitude or behavioural issue, it's only natural that we want to "fix" it straight away. If you're anything like me, if a discipline approach doesn't work within a few days (if not within a few hours), you want to give up on it and try something else.
Recently, I've been reminded of the secret ingredient of Time. No, not spending time with your kids. That's obviously crucial, but what I mean in this case is allowing kids the time to absorb the lesson you're trying to teach.
Chatterbox, like our other two at the same age, doesn't like to go to bed. Sleep must appear to be some kind of masochistic scheme to the two-year-old brain. Anyway, once she worked out how to climb out of the cot, even when the side was up, the battle lines were drawn. Night after night we were putting that sweet little cupcake back into bed with "reminders" that it was definitely Bed Time. Now that the worst is over, I remember that the battle with Miss Curie was equally drawn-out. Anyway, success crept up on us, over time. There are still loud protests and requests for water, hair clips and various other random items each bed time, but these are diminishing over time, AND she no longer gets out of bed! Hooray!
I expect many more such challenges to come our way over the years, and many more such lessons to be learnt!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Consistency is Key?
Since very early in my parenting journey, the phrase "consistency is key" has become a daunting refrain, echoed by many parents along varying stages of their journey - most of them at the end of it, though. (Yes, yes, I know you never stop being a parent, but by "the end" I mean that their kids have left home and are now largely responsible for their own lives).
Every time I think about consistency my stomach knots up, my throat tightens, and my head starts to buzz. I believe these are symptoms of panic. I panic because I know that if consistency is The Key of Competent Parenting, I am an utter failure after a mere six years in the trenches.
Consistency is completely impossible when you suffer from a severe case of "mother brain" (like "pregnant brain", only worse). How on earth can one consistently enforce rules and regulations that retreat to a fuzzy haze of uncertainty mere seconds after being declared? "I think I'm sure I might have told you that if you cut your hair again you wouldn't be allowed to use the scissors again for the rest of the week," somehow lacks conviction.
So what hope, if any, is there for those of us stuck in the doldrums of inconsistency? Or - more to the point - what hope is there for our children?
After pondering this point for some time, and considering the lack of biblical instruction on the Importance of Consistency, I feel reassured that my children are not (yet) doomed to eternal failure.
Certain things are consistent in our household. The Bible is the standard. God's Word is unchanging and absolute truth. Life is not about being good, it's about growing good. As humans we will fail - in the Raamonster household, failure is fairly frequent. Acknowledging our mistakes and our need for God and striving to do better next time, now that is key. Our children need to be allowed to be human too.
When we get lost on our way to an unfamiliar place, most of us don't give up on the whole journey just because we made a wrong turn. Depending on the degree of our error, that wrong turn may have small (being a little bit late if we miss a turn-off) or big (a car accident if we go the wrong way up a one-way street) consequences, but if we are willing to do a course correction, we can still reach our destination. On the other hand, if we keep heading in the wrong direction, we'll never get there.
So, my conclusion is this: there should be consistency in our standards (i.e. at no time ever is it OK to lie) and in our ultimate goal (the glory of God and eternal life for everyone according to His plan). However, by our very nature, our administration of the standards and the goal is doomed to inconsistency (we might be too soft or too hard in dealing out consequences, depending on our mood, the time of the month, how much sleep we've had, etc). That doesn't mean that our children are doomed. It just means that they'll learn to be human just like us.
Every time I think about consistency my stomach knots up, my throat tightens, and my head starts to buzz. I believe these are symptoms of panic. I panic because I know that if consistency is The Key of Competent Parenting, I am an utter failure after a mere six years in the trenches.
Consistency is completely impossible when you suffer from a severe case of "mother brain" (like "pregnant brain", only worse). How on earth can one consistently enforce rules and regulations that retreat to a fuzzy haze of uncertainty mere seconds after being declared? "I think I'm sure I might have told you that if you cut your hair again you wouldn't be allowed to use the scissors again for the rest of the week," somehow lacks conviction.
So what hope, if any, is there for those of us stuck in the doldrums of inconsistency? Or - more to the point - what hope is there for our children?
After pondering this point for some time, and considering the lack of biblical instruction on the Importance of Consistency, I feel reassured that my children are not (yet) doomed to eternal failure.
Certain things are consistent in our household. The Bible is the standard. God's Word is unchanging and absolute truth. Life is not about being good, it's about growing good. As humans we will fail - in the Raamonster household, failure is fairly frequent. Acknowledging our mistakes and our need for God and striving to do better next time, now that is key. Our children need to be allowed to be human too.
When we get lost on our way to an unfamiliar place, most of us don't give up on the whole journey just because we made a wrong turn. Depending on the degree of our error, that wrong turn may have small (being a little bit late if we miss a turn-off) or big (a car accident if we go the wrong way up a one-way street) consequences, but if we are willing to do a course correction, we can still reach our destination. On the other hand, if we keep heading in the wrong direction, we'll never get there.
So, my conclusion is this: there should be consistency in our standards (i.e. at no time ever is it OK to lie) and in our ultimate goal (the glory of God and eternal life for everyone according to His plan). However, by our very nature, our administration of the standards and the goal is doomed to inconsistency (we might be too soft or too hard in dealing out consequences, depending on our mood, the time of the month, how much sleep we've had, etc). That doesn't mean that our children are doomed. It just means that they'll learn to be human just like us.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
All Is Quiet... For Now
All is quiet here. Babies are asleep and the Raamonster is out watching a movie.
Lately I am full of sadness. Sadness for a world, so tangled up in the threat of financial disaster, that it doesn't see that disaster has already struck in the heart of every nation. We are consumed with greed. Every time I walk through a shopping centre (and I'm not talking mega-mall, here, just a run-of-the-mill supermarket even), I am struck by the overwhelming amount of STUFF sitting on the shelves, strategically placed and packaged to make us want to buy, buy, buy. This is not the fault of some ethereal "Them", it is OUR fault. To some degree, we all fuel that bonfire.
So what? Little greed leads to big greed and big greed leads to the destruction of little people. If we were willing to pay more for our clothes (and have less of them as a result), then little people would get paid more for making them. If we were willing to pay more for our food, farmers wouldn't be enslaved into buying seeds every year from the same huge company because those seeds are specially engineered so that the second generation of seed isn't viable.
I see so much in myself that needs to change. All those little people matter to God, they should matter to me too. If I'm hurting someone else by fulfilling MY wants (and let's face it, so many things we buy or do are really wants, NOT needs), then I am wrong, wrong, wrong.
All is quiet for now, but the system of greed is fundamentally flawed (and more importantly, morally flawed) and simply cannot last forever. So when the trumpet blast breaks the silence, the question is - whose side will I be on? Greed, or the Other side?
Lately I am full of sadness. Sadness for a world, so tangled up in the threat of financial disaster, that it doesn't see that disaster has already struck in the heart of every nation. We are consumed with greed. Every time I walk through a shopping centre (and I'm not talking mega-mall, here, just a run-of-the-mill supermarket even), I am struck by the overwhelming amount of STUFF sitting on the shelves, strategically placed and packaged to make us want to buy, buy, buy. This is not the fault of some ethereal "Them", it is OUR fault. To some degree, we all fuel that bonfire.
So what? Little greed leads to big greed and big greed leads to the destruction of little people. If we were willing to pay more for our clothes (and have less of them as a result), then little people would get paid more for making them. If we were willing to pay more for our food, farmers wouldn't be enslaved into buying seeds every year from the same huge company because those seeds are specially engineered so that the second generation of seed isn't viable.
I see so much in myself that needs to change. All those little people matter to God, they should matter to me too. If I'm hurting someone else by fulfilling MY wants (and let's face it, so many things we buy or do are really wants, NOT needs), then I am wrong, wrong, wrong.
All is quiet for now, but the system of greed is fundamentally flawed (and more importantly, morally flawed) and simply cannot last forever. So when the trumpet blast breaks the silence, the question is - whose side will I be on? Greed, or the Other side?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The Definition of Me
That title does sound very self-centred, but my intent is to be introspective and not tell YOU what the definition of 'you' is. That's for you to decide for yourself.
Life here at Joyful Mornings has had some ups and downs. During the 'downs' I got to feeling pretty sorry for myself (OK, let's make that A LOT sorry for myself). Since many of those downs have been due to circumstances beyond my control, my unhappiness was, of course, Someone Else's fault.
More recently, things have been more up, but I have found myself continuing to be unhappy. This was the beginning of the Great Revelation. I should already have understood from the scriptures such as the Apostle Paul's statement that he had learned "in whatever state, to be content" (and that was after some pretty harrowing experiences, to put it mildly). What I should have understood already is that I choose peace and contentment... or not.
It's not the bed less-than-perfectly made (not by me, of course!), or the toys still on the floor after they were meant to have been put away that rob me of my joy. Nor is it the far bigger hurts. It is me. (Yes, I know I should say 'I', but I'm not gonna). Me who robs me of contentment. I am the definition of me. Not Someone Else, not Unavoidable Circumstances.
Hang on, though, I'm not done. This process of contentment needs God. Without Him guiding me through, there can be no peace. With Him, there can. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, therefore it is impossible without God, but possible in ALL circumstances with God - yes, ALL. God's power is not limited by our pathetic human perceptions of joy, fear, pain, loss and contentment.
One other thing - joy and contentment don't require an absence of pain. Some of the most peaceful times in my inner life have been the most outwardly tumultuous and painful. Even in the midst of sobs that seem to tear the body from top to bottom, there can be joy and contentment... with God. Jesus Christ epitomized this in His crucifixion and death. Joy is a fruit of the spirit. Christ had a full measure of the spirit at all times. Therefore Christ was joyful even while in utter agony of mind, body and spirit. QED.
So, today I choose joy. God grant me the wisdom, strength and maturity to choose it tomorrow and ever after.
Life here at Joyful Mornings has had some ups and downs. During the 'downs' I got to feeling pretty sorry for myself (OK, let's make that A LOT sorry for myself). Since many of those downs have been due to circumstances beyond my control, my unhappiness was, of course, Someone Else's fault.
More recently, things have been more up, but I have found myself continuing to be unhappy. This was the beginning of the Great Revelation. I should already have understood from the scriptures such as the Apostle Paul's statement that he had learned "in whatever state, to be content" (and that was after some pretty harrowing experiences, to put it mildly). What I should have understood already is that I choose peace and contentment... or not.
It's not the bed less-than-perfectly made (not by me, of course!), or the toys still on the floor after they were meant to have been put away that rob me of my joy. Nor is it the far bigger hurts. It is me. (Yes, I know I should say 'I', but I'm not gonna). Me who robs me of contentment. I am the definition of me. Not Someone Else, not Unavoidable Circumstances.
Hang on, though, I'm not done. This process of contentment needs God. Without Him guiding me through, there can be no peace. With Him, there can. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, therefore it is impossible without God, but possible in ALL circumstances with God - yes, ALL. God's power is not limited by our pathetic human perceptions of joy, fear, pain, loss and contentment.
One other thing - joy and contentment don't require an absence of pain. Some of the most peaceful times in my inner life have been the most outwardly tumultuous and painful. Even in the midst of sobs that seem to tear the body from top to bottom, there can be joy and contentment... with God. Jesus Christ epitomized this in His crucifixion and death. Joy is a fruit of the spirit. Christ had a full measure of the spirit at all times. Therefore Christ was joyful even while in utter agony of mind, body and spirit. QED.
So, today I choose joy. God grant me the wisdom, strength and maturity to choose it tomorrow and ever after.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Price You Pay
I'm only "allowed" to have some precious alone time if I write in this blog, so, to keep The Raamonster happy, here I am - writing...
I'm undergoing a crisis again. It's just one of those cycles. Sometimes it's the garden that's overwhelming, sometimes the laundry. A lot of the time it's controlling my temper. Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed by children. I just need to look at those priorities again. Remind myself where I'm going. Getting lost is to be expected when you forget your destination!
Well, I've done my bit - written something down. Now I'm going to enjoy my time!
I'm undergoing a crisis again. It's just one of those cycles. Sometimes it's the garden that's overwhelming, sometimes the laundry. A lot of the time it's controlling my temper. Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed by children. I just need to look at those priorities again. Remind myself where I'm going. Getting lost is to be expected when you forget your destination!
Well, I've done my bit - written something down. Now I'm going to enjoy my time!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Stand Up For The TRUTH, Otherwise, Stand Down
Being a mother is a very emotional journey. In my experience, it is made even more emotional and tumultuous by the many highly-charged opinions fired from all directions regarding pretty much every aspect of parenting. We mamas have tremendous power to hurt each other when we fling our emotional baggage at each other.
Don't get me wrong, I believe absolutely in standing up for the truth. What I'm coming to realise is how careful I need to be in defining something as right. Do my beliefs stand up to being tested against the Word of God? Am I giving unsolicited advice from my own overactive brain, or is it grounded in Truth? Yeah, that's right, truth with a capital 'T'.
Let me give an example: I am against immunisation. Why? I believe that trusting the inadequate (immunisations are not guaranteed 100% effective) defenses against disease, manufactured by inadequate human beings, is expressing a lack of faith in God and His supreme design. Hang on, what does the bible say? "Thou shalt not immunise thy children"? Nope. "Thou shalt completely trust in God to heal or prevent every illness or injury without outside intervention"? Nope. I'm still against immunisation, so what's my conclusion?
My conclusion is this: if someone wants my opinion on immunisation, I will give it - VERY carefully and gently (at least, I'll try - after all, I'm not going to get it right every time). If it comes to disagreement, I may challenge other people's views if it is appropriate. If it gets emotional, that's where I'll stand down. That seems like a pretty simple formula, it's the implementation that will be the challenge.
I could give lots of other examples, but I won't. It's so easy for me to hop up on my soapbox and expound on, well, just about anything really, but I really think it's important to stop and think. Oftentimes I'm fuelled by pride. I want to prove without any shadow of a doubt that what I'M doing with MY children is right. Well, here's a wake-up call - it is a 100% guarantee that I'm doing a whole bunch of things WRONG because I'm human, not God!
So here's my plan: before I launch into lecture #3856 on The Correct Method of Parenting, I'm going to ask myself, "Is this God's Truth, or is it my truth?" And then, I'm either going to stand up for the Truth, or I'm going to stand down.
Don't get me wrong, I believe absolutely in standing up for the truth. What I'm coming to realise is how careful I need to be in defining something as right. Do my beliefs stand up to being tested against the Word of God? Am I giving unsolicited advice from my own overactive brain, or is it grounded in Truth? Yeah, that's right, truth with a capital 'T'.
Let me give an example: I am against immunisation. Why? I believe that trusting the inadequate (immunisations are not guaranteed 100% effective) defenses against disease, manufactured by inadequate human beings, is expressing a lack of faith in God and His supreme design. Hang on, what does the bible say? "Thou shalt not immunise thy children"? Nope. "Thou shalt completely trust in God to heal or prevent every illness or injury without outside intervention"? Nope. I'm still against immunisation, so what's my conclusion?
My conclusion is this: if someone wants my opinion on immunisation, I will give it - VERY carefully and gently (at least, I'll try - after all, I'm not going to get it right every time). If it comes to disagreement, I may challenge other people's views if it is appropriate. If it gets emotional, that's where I'll stand down. That seems like a pretty simple formula, it's the implementation that will be the challenge.
I could give lots of other examples, but I won't. It's so easy for me to hop up on my soapbox and expound on, well, just about anything really, but I really think it's important to stop and think. Oftentimes I'm fuelled by pride. I want to prove without any shadow of a doubt that what I'M doing with MY children is right. Well, here's a wake-up call - it is a 100% guarantee that I'm doing a whole bunch of things WRONG because I'm human, not God!
So here's my plan: before I launch into lecture #3856 on The Correct Method of Parenting, I'm going to ask myself, "Is this God's Truth, or is it my truth?" And then, I'm either going to stand up for the Truth, or I'm going to stand down.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
What Is REALLY Important?
That's the question I'm asking myself today. With three young kiddies it's so easy to lose hold of the things that are really important. The fact of life is that children need to be fed, nappies need to be changed, and behaviour issues can't be put on hold.
Needs and wants can get blurred very quickly, and there are always plenty of gentle suggestions from the sidelines about things that we really should be doing... And while there are certain core, foundational truths - e.g. the ten commandments - there is no specific formula for life (e.g. 7am - get up, 7.30am - bible study, 8am visit sick/elderly). The best method of implementing our values changes from day to day.
Even if there were a formula I guess I would struggle to follow it anyway.
So... I'm just mulling this over, meditating on how much of my time is spent doing things that really count, whether mundane or exciting. Meanwhile, we keep plodding on, and I am gradually turning some of the important things into daily habits.
My small victory at the moment is that we are actually reading the bible together (almost) every morning. I plan on incorporating more of the really important things into every day - one step at a time.
Needs and wants can get blurred very quickly, and there are always plenty of gentle suggestions from the sidelines about things that we really should be doing... And while there are certain core, foundational truths - e.g. the ten commandments - there is no specific formula for life (e.g. 7am - get up, 7.30am - bible study, 8am visit sick/elderly). The best method of implementing our values changes from day to day.
Even if there were a formula I guess I would struggle to follow it anyway.
So... I'm just mulling this over, meditating on how much of my time is spent doing things that really count, whether mundane or exciting. Meanwhile, we keep plodding on, and I am gradually turning some of the important things into daily habits.
My small victory at the moment is that we are actually reading the bible together (almost) every morning. I plan on incorporating more of the really important things into every day - one step at a time.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A Question of Faith...
Life is a battle right now. A battle to get out of bed every morning. A battle not to get side-tracked by the menial tasks. A battle to do the things that really should be done before the things that I just really want to do.
So what does that have to do with a question of faith? Let me answer that as clearly as I can through the fog of mother-brain.
My time and energy are being sapped by trivialities because I don't have the faith to trust that God will look over the 99.999999 (OK, you get the idea)% of the universe that I have no control over and no responsibility for. I cannot change the amount of packaging that my food comes wrapped in. No really, I can't. Three young children is more of a priority than a one-woman campaign against supermarket giants and midgets alike. SOOOO I can stop stressing myself over trying to reuse every scrap of packaging. (What about your recycle bin? I hear you say. To which my answer is that I have serious doubts about how good recycling is for the environment - better to use less to start with, in my mind).
Anyway, that's just a small example. The point is, I can't compensate for all the wrong stuff that goes on in the world. I can hate it. I can work really hard to overcome my sins through the power of God's spirit. I can teach my children. I can speak the truth in love. But I can't, can't, CAN'T by the greatest stretch of my will and strength change one single thing about any other person.
So here's to being an inspiration and encouragement to others by being the best that I can be, and having the faith that God will deal with everything else ... perfectly!
So what does that have to do with a question of faith? Let me answer that as clearly as I can through the fog of mother-brain.
My time and energy are being sapped by trivialities because I don't have the faith to trust that God will look over the 99.999999 (OK, you get the idea)% of the universe that I have no control over and no responsibility for. I cannot change the amount of packaging that my food comes wrapped in. No really, I can't. Three young children is more of a priority than a one-woman campaign against supermarket giants and midgets alike. SOOOO I can stop stressing myself over trying to reuse every scrap of packaging. (What about your recycle bin? I hear you say. To which my answer is that I have serious doubts about how good recycling is for the environment - better to use less to start with, in my mind).
Anyway, that's just a small example. The point is, I can't compensate for all the wrong stuff that goes on in the world. I can hate it. I can work really hard to overcome my sins through the power of God's spirit. I can teach my children. I can speak the truth in love. But I can't, can't, CAN'T by the greatest stretch of my will and strength change one single thing about any other person.
So here's to being an inspiration and encouragement to others by being the best that I can be, and having the faith that God will deal with everything else ... perfectly!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad World?
It seems from some of the forums that I've been on recently, there are people out there who think the world is a wonderful place, not the big, bad world at all.
I wonder if the people who believe this would like to be Wonderful World ambassadors to the child soldiers in Uganda? Or perhaps they would like to take their message of positive energy to the mothers with AIDS in Africa who will shortly be leaving their children as orphans? Maybe the children sold by their own parents to sweat shops and brothels would be enlightened by the understanding that they are part of this great planet's amazing diversity? Those who have lost their limbs to land mines might have a better attitude about their lot in life if they truly understood that they are just part of that Great Circle of Life - to eat or be eaten? What about the children in our own backyard who are abused or neglected by their own parents, is it time they learned that it's not a big, bad world at all?
NO!! The world is not a wonderful place! It has the potential to be brilliant under the right leadership. It was created with purpose, but that purpose has not been achieved, because man is fallen. The inherent goodness of man is a lie, proven by seven millenia of descent into increasing chaos. Our current world is the cumulative effect of mankind's dismal FAILURE at goodness.
Only Christ's return will bring the world to what it should be. He will bring hope not only for the living, but for the dead. Know God, and you know that He has planned for everyone. He has not neglected the millions of children who have died not even knowing His name. Like everyone else, they will have their chance.
This is what our family is about. This is where we're headed. We stumble, we fall, we get discouraged, we are HUMAN. But ultimately, we are keeping our eyes on the prize - a perfect eternity for everyone who will choose it.
I wonder if the people who believe this would like to be Wonderful World ambassadors to the child soldiers in Uganda? Or perhaps they would like to take their message of positive energy to the mothers with AIDS in Africa who will shortly be leaving their children as orphans? Maybe the children sold by their own parents to sweat shops and brothels would be enlightened by the understanding that they are part of this great planet's amazing diversity? Those who have lost their limbs to land mines might have a better attitude about their lot in life if they truly understood that they are just part of that Great Circle of Life - to eat or be eaten? What about the children in our own backyard who are abused or neglected by their own parents, is it time they learned that it's not a big, bad world at all?
NO!! The world is not a wonderful place! It has the potential to be brilliant under the right leadership. It was created with purpose, but that purpose has not been achieved, because man is fallen. The inherent goodness of man is a lie, proven by seven millenia of descent into increasing chaos. Our current world is the cumulative effect of mankind's dismal FAILURE at goodness.
Only Christ's return will bring the world to what it should be. He will bring hope not only for the living, but for the dead. Know God, and you know that He has planned for everyone. He has not neglected the millions of children who have died not even knowing His name. Like everyone else, they will have their chance.
This is what our family is about. This is where we're headed. We stumble, we fall, we get discouraged, we are HUMAN. But ultimately, we are keeping our eyes on the prize - a perfect eternity for everyone who will choose it.
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