What We Won't Be Doing Today

We won't be singing Christmas carols today. We won't be unwrapping presents left by "Santa" around a tree. We won't be wishing friends and family a "Merry Christmas".

We don't celebrate Christmas because of its pagan origins. We don't believe in "borrowing" celebrations from other religions to worship the True God.

Our focus is not on the helpless baby Jesus laying in a manger, but on Jesus Christ crucified who died in order to give everyone the opportunity to become a true child of God by turning toward God and repenting (being truly sorry for, to the depths of our being) of our sins (disobeying and rejecting God).

I know to many people it seems like we're wet blankets. Who wouldn't love tinsel and pretty lights and giving gifts? Well... we would enjoy them if they didn't represent rejecting the celebrations that God actually ordained in favour of pagan traditions and superstitions.

God speed the day when there truly is Peace on Earth.

No Pain But Mine

Several years ago, we had a car accident that wrote off our car. While we profited from it financially through no fault of our own (we had bought the car that got wrecked at such a bargain price that its insured value was significantly higher than what we actually paid for it), this was the catalyst for such a tumultuous and dark period of our lives that I thought of it as The Accident for a long time. It was one of those events that you expect to define the rest of your life.

Outwardly, many would wonder how this could have been such a devastating event. Our children emerged unscathed, apart from a seemingly irrational fear of "tipping over" (even five years on) when we take a corner a little fast while driving. Our injuries were trivial. But within our emotional lives the cascade of conseqences was far-reaching - to the point of being almost unbearable at times.

To someone who had suffered a "real" trial, such as the death of a child or spouse, I'm sure my pain at the time must have seemed ridiculous. I could hardly have complained about my puny injuries to someone suffering from chronic illness. And yet, as irrational as it may have seemed from the outside, my soul was in agony.

Apart from the personal growth that can come from suffering, there is something else to be gained from pain. The Apostle Paul wrote:

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.

In other words, God provides comfort in our times of suffering that enables and teaches us to comfort others in their suffering.

Unfortunately, in our weakness, we can develop an attitude of no pain but mine. No pain but mine is worthy of sympathy. In our deepest hearts, especially in the midst of a "big" trial, we can look down our noses at the "little" trials of others. No pain but mine is real pain. Without even realising it, we can despise our brothers and sisters for struggling to deal with what may seem to be small issues.

Clearly this incredibly destructive attitude is not what God has in mind when He comforts us in our grief. Certainly those suffering "little"trials need to be sensitive about what they say to those dragging their way through "big" trials... but the reverse is true as well.

There is no place in a true community for the no pain but mine attitude. Believe me, I've been guilty of it - I guess many of us have at some time or other, but we need to recognise where it comes from, and that's certainly not from God. After all, Jesus Christ doesn't turn up His nose in disgust when we cry out to Him - and He suffered more than any other man (or woman, or child).

I know some beautiful people who have suffered the kind of pain that makes me imagine having my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled on. What I love and admire about these people is that they have the love and compassion to see beyond their own pain to the suffering of others - however apparently trivial - and to be genuinely sympathetic, despite their own trials. This is what I aspire to as God softens my hard-heartedness and hard-headedness.

So often, because we only see the surface, we fail to understand how deeply and lastingly "small" things can hurt our brothers and sisters. We can also get so wrapped up in our own inner worlds that we become oblivious to what is really going on around us on the outside.

Jesus Christ, of course, is the ultimate example to which I aspire. I pray for the compassion and patience to understand that all pain is like mine. Perhaps not in degree (in many cases it is greater than mine, not less - whether I can see it or not) or outward appearance, but a hurting heart doesn't heal by being told that it shouldn't hurt. It heals by being heard.

Between Two Worlds

We homeschoolers often don't like to talk about the challenges we face. Maybe because we're scared that Others will take it as proof that we are inadequate for the job. Or maybe because it will shatter an illusion of perfection.

My challenge right now is that I feel caught between two worlds. The world of toddlers and library story time and playgroup and the world of big kids and big kid activities. The two don't always mix well. A lot of big kid activities are... difficult ... with a toddler in tow who wants to do it all too.

I gave up taking big kids to playgroup a long time ago - it just seemed... weird.

And in the world of homeschoolers, it seems a lot of people don't start on this journey until they've experienced a few years of mainstream school. Sooooo, this can be a lonely place - homeschooling and having little ones to consider and nurture.

It can be really, really hard work investing the love and care into each of these little people. Definitely worth the effort, but... well, if you're considering homeschooling and have toddlers/preschoolers, be prepared for some hard times.

No doubt I will find new challenges with each season of being a parent. I'm OK with where life is right now. Not ecstatic with the wonder of just living life, but OK with it.

Sometimes we don't say these things though. We don't always talk about the ordinary, day-to-day Life. So today I am. I'm just saying - this is how it is for me right now. That's all.

There is No Cure

Let's be honest with ourselves: there is no cure for bad parenting moments.

The one absolute guarantee of being a parent is that we will stuff up. Sometimes in a really big way. There is no cure. Homeschooling will not cure parents or children of miscommunication, impatience, frustration, or any of the other myriad of relationship enemies every parent and child must face at times.

Nor will sending kids to school shield them from the bad influence of our anger, laziness, selfishness... or in fact any of our character weaknesses.

Let me repeat myself: there is no cure for bad parenting moments. We will damage our children - whether we keep them at home within the loving embrace of family life... or whether we send them out as intrepid voyagers into the big, wide world.

So often we fool ourselves with the idea that there is a formula that will give our children the perfect lives... That if we send them to the right schools (or don't send them to school), control every aspect of their lives (or give them the freedom to discover the world for themselves), etc, etc, that somehow they will turn out "right".

The problem with all the formulae ever devised is that we are imperfect and our children have free will.

Of course there are good ways and bad ways of parenting. Beating children into cowering submission is unlikely to yield a happy result. On the other hand, letting them "express themselves" through tantrums and whining is equally unlikely to bring about success.

If our value as human being is tied up in how our kids "turn out" we are headed for disaster and confusion. A child may become an outstanding citizen despite being brought up by the most horrible and vindictive people on the planet. Or a child may become a cruel psychopath, despite being brought up in a loving but demanding home. To believe that we can control the outcome of our children's lives is to deny our humanity and theirs.

Being effective as parents is about being effective as people. If we live with integrity and honesty, we give our kids the best (although not the only) chance of doing the same. If we live by double-standards in a me-first world, we make it difficult (although not impossible) for our children to walk a path of integrity.

Being a parent is simply about being a person. And there is no cure for that.

Purposeful Parenting

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to "be intentional" as a Mum. Of course, my younger self (similar to my current self) would probably arc up and ask what made me think she was just bumbling along without a direction and purpose. I still wish I could say it to her, though.

It's only recently that I've "gotten" that the little, everyday decisions all add up to an enormous future. Three times now, I've had a child hit about two years old and been suddenly overwhelmed with the enormity of the task of teaching them ... everything.

It's only with the Baby that I realized that learning how to treat other people begins at birth. I allowed three young babies to claw at my face and pull my hair. By the fourth it finally occurred to me that "unteaching" a toddler these habits was a lot harder than gradually setting reasonable boundaries for a baby from the start (e.g. gently taking her hand away and saying "that hurts Mummy" when she got too rough in her "explorations" of my face and hair).

That's just one small part of the big picture, of course. I'm not just talking about hair-pulling and pinching. I'm talking about having a plan (and I don't mean a detailed chart with daily goals and hundreds of bullet points - although if that's what moves you, don't let disorganized me put you off!) for where we're taking these kids. And then actually acting on that plan.

Theoretically, I guess, most of us Mums don't have a plan for our children to become helpless leeches... but we act like we do! (OK, so maybe it's just me who sighs and puts away the toys and sweeps up the crumbs and takes the bikes off the driveway because that's easier than having a "discussion" with a nine or seven or five-year-old about why they should do it. Or, even worse, having to teach them how to clean up properly... I know, I know - I'm a homeschool Mum, I'm meant to love teaching my kids stuff!)

Theoretically, we don't have a plan for our eldest child to be terrified of ever making a mistake ever (did I say ever?) . But we act like we do... Or am I the only one who circled (in red pen) every spelling mistake her five-year-old made when writing a story about "The volcano and the secret creatures" (yep, I've still got the story to prove it) - written off her own bat - complete with pictures of burnt up skeletons of the birds which didn't escape the raging inferno of the volcano?

Theoretically, we don't plan for our children to grow up believing that the louder you yell, the more likely you are to get your way. But we act like we do... Or am I also the only one who tells the older siblings to leave the baby alone when she screams ... without actually finding out what it was all about (like, is she screaming because her sister took back something she snatched from them?)?

So now (now that I'm becoming the magazine-cover-type mother with never a hair out of place, and definitely not even the slightest hint of being frazzled) I'm giving myself thinking space. I'm stopping to breathe, and to ask myself - am I actually living out my plan... or am I just reacting again?

OK, I know that sometimes life is so suffocating you can't seem to take a breath. Sometimes I'm just survival parenting. But I've discovered even in those moments there is the potential for better. Better might mean crying in front of the kids instead of screaming at them. Better might mean saying sorry when I "lose it"... And saying it again, and again... and again. Better might mean pasting on a smile over the headache (not pretending the pain isn't there, but saying "sweetie, my head is really hurting, but I'm still happy to see you this morning.").

So what's my plan? To live a life of growth. To infuse my kids lives with joy and hope and love. To teach them that there is Someone infinitely bigger, stronger and "lovinger" than me who they can turn to any time - especially when Mummy has a heachache. To admit my mistakes so they can learn to admit theirs. To be willing to let go of everything I hold dear in order to hold onto something infinitely more precious. To live for God so our girls can learn to live for Him too.

That's my plan, time to go and live it.

Remember Your Reasons

At some point in our lives we all have to face up to some big decisions. It's easy to reach a crossroads and panic because the "right" direction doesn't seem clear. If there is something that I've learned in the last few years, it's the importance of why I am doing what I'm doing.

Why am I at this place in my life? Did I get here by "flying by the seat of my pants", or was there a purpose when I started on this journey?

We first considered homeschooling because The Raamonster and I both had very bad school experiences. By the time we actually started homeschooling it was because we wanted to protect our kids from bad influences. Now we continue to homeschool because we want to instill real values in our children and train them up in growing their strengths and overcoming their weaknesses in a way that honours God. Prayerful consideration of God's purpose for our lives has led us to believe that homeschooling is the best way to do this right now.

There are many days when I wake up wondering if I shouldn't just send the kids to school. It seems easier. I feel like I would have so much more freedom to pursue my dreams. But what are my flimsy dreams worth if I don't do my very best work of being a servant of God, wife and mother? Exactly nothing.

There are days when I read or hear about how other families homeschool and I suddenly feel utterly inadequate and wonder if I should be teaching Latin, or Sign Language, or if we should do more sport. Then I remember my reasons for being in this place. They are nothing to do with creating child prodigies, they are nothing to do with the Education Department's arbitrary schedule of learning and they are nothing to do with "keeping up" with everyone else.

If my reasons were to keep our children in line with what they would learn in the school system, then I'm way off track. If my reasons were to "get ahead" so they can "compete" with their peers to get the best available jobs when they grow up, then I'm going in the wrong direction. If my reasons were to prove to the world that home educated children are "normal", then I've failed dismally. If my reasons were to prove to the world what a competent - and in fact outstanding - mother I am, then I really need to go find myself an audience that is interested.

I keep reminding myself of our reasons. We homeschool so we can nurture our children like tender young plants. As I have discovered recently, chucking seeds in the ground and leaving them to themselves is not a very successful way of gardening. A "survival of the fittest" approach is not satisfactory unless I want to eat only pigweed, nettles and borage for the rest of my life. Without protection, precious seedlings are rapidly destroyed by slugs, snails, earwigs, chickens, sparrows... the list goes on. Likewise, we homeschool because we aren't prepared to just ... chuck our children out in the world and see what happens (I'm not having a go that people who send their kids to school - just reflecting on what the consequences of going to school are likely to be for our own children at their age). For others, perhaps choosing a particular school or getting actively involved in the school is their way of nurturing and protecting those tender little plants.

The important thing is the why. If our goals for our children are centred on academic success (e.g. we choose a school based on Naplan test scores or our homeschool timetable is focused on "getting things done"), we shouldn't be disappointed when Susie has trouble making friends. She has simply adopted our standards. If our goals for our children are based on being "normal" (e.g. we let them watch a questionable program because it's what every kid watches), we shouldn't be surprised when Michael is disrespectful and disdains our values ... because that's what every kid does.

Whatever path you choose for your family, I would urge you - when a crisis hits - remember your reasons. Remember how you got here in the first place. It won't necessarily mean that you won't choose a new direction, but if you do choose a new direction it won't be just because you got scared. Or just because you got tired. Or just because you got frustrated. It will be because the new path will actually take you where you want to go.

Juggling Chainsaws

Toddlers are hard work. Some more so than others. Trying to homeschool older children while keeping a toddler safely occupied and running a household is a mammoth task. For some more than for others.

There are many wonderful suggestions for dealing with toddlers and preschoolers while homeschooling, but for many of us they are simply unrealistic. Some are too expensive, some too messy, some rely on resources, space or storage that many of us don't have. Some (dare I say it) come from mothers who actually weren't homeschooling when their youngest were toddlers. And some rely on having the kind of child who will not scream and try to claw their way out of any kind of restraint. The kind of child who has the fine motor control and intelligence necessary to plug in appliances and turn them on. The kind of child who has the strength of will of a pit-bull. The kind of child who, when sent outside, will eat dirt and then bring some inside to scatter randomly throughout the house.

This is not a cop-out - I'm not throwing up my hands and giving up on making any effort at reining in the toddler. She is being taught, step by step, what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. However, this process takes precious time and energy, and while she is learning these lessons, there is a lot of chaos. Even with the very best of efforts (and I'll be the first to admit, that I often don't put in my best effort, to my shame), there is no quick fix for a strong-willed toddler - no magic potion for ensuring that the older kids get a fair share of Mum's attention.

Such children, of course, need to be discipled (I use that word deliberately, because I'm talking about more than simply punishing for bad behaviour). That process, of necessity, takes time away from the teaching of older children.

Several months ago, our family watched a street performer juggling chainsaws. That image, for me, represents my life at the moment. No, this isn't the cue to send the older kids to school. Our reasons for homeschooling them remain as strong as ever. I just have to keep slogging away, keep doing my job as God leads me, regardless of how hard it gets. Right is never impossible. As long as I stick close to God, He will enable me to throw the necessary mountains into the sea. He will equip me to juggle chainsaws.

To The Unknown Reader

I don't know who you are (perhaps thankfully), but I do know where you've been. My blog stats tell me where readers have come from. Someone who has read this blog recently came from ... well, somewhere no one should ever go.

So, dear Reader, though I don't know who you are, please get help. Please don't go down that path. Please find a friend (or friends) who will support and encourage you in living your best life and help you to stay away from that black hole that is so destructive to the people you love and the people who love you.

Feel free to be outraged that I'm writing this, just please, get help.

Please.

With love,
Someone who really cares.

As If The Whole World Is Listening

The written word has a lot of power. Even more so, perhaps, than the spoken word because it can be re-read, and re-read... and re-read. Especially on the internet, written words have a way of enduring well past their "best-before" date.

A blog is often written for a specific audience. This blog, for instance, is for my family and other homeschoolers and Christians. It probably won't appeal to an atheist who is the head of an education department.

But sometimes, someone else reads stuff. Sometimes, someone stumbles across a blog and finds something they weren't expecting. The book of Ecclesiastes cautions:

Do not curse the king, even in your thought;
Do not curse the rich, even in your bedroom;
For a bird of the air may carry your voice,
And a bird in flight may tell the matter.

This is even more true today than it was several thousand years ago, as the internet spreads our words far and wide. And so, it would be wise to speak as though the whole world is listening; write as though the whole world is reading. And consider carefully what our words are telling the whole world about who we really are.

What Real Life Looks Like

It is so easy to create a false world in cyberspace. It can seem like everyone else is coping well with life and raising picture-perfect families. Well, I'm here to put up my hand and say I'm not picture-perfect. Here are just a few examples of what real life looks like for us:

We have had frequent unpleasant incidents relating to free-range (not wearing a nappy) babies/toddlers and bowel movements. No, I will not go into detail.

My children sometimes pick their noses.

I lose my temper. That doesn't make it OK - it's something I'm working on overcoming.

My interpretation of the terms "regularly and efficiently" in regard to how we cover the eight key learning areas in our state's curriculum is very loose. Mostly, we do maths and english and survive... just. No fabulous science experiments (we've done one this year - putting a container of salt water on a window sill to evaporate - yay for me!), no delving passionately into history, no incredible art programs. Truly. Just maths and english.

My children often stare blankly at people who speak to them. I am teaching them that the polite thing to do when someone asks "how are you?" is to answer them.

Large expanses of my ceiling are covered in fly spots.

I often feed my children bread and butter for lunch. In fact, that and a piece of fruit is our staple diet for lunches.

My eating habits are often terrible - involving copious amounts of carbohydrates and nowhere near enough fruit. I'm seriously working on this one too.

I have had to ring the poisons hotline many times. So far we have escaped serious consequences.

We don't always wash our hands when we should.

Some days I just don't want to be touched.

And there's plenty of other stuff that I'm just not willing to write in such a public "place"...

The point is, real life is often dirty and messy and loud and uncomfortable. Real character comes from real life, though, not glossy magazines. Reading about other people's lives often makes me feel pathetic and inadequate, but that's OK, because I need to centre my life around growing through Christ, not living up to arbitrary standards that I make up based on other people's lives.

So that's me, keeping it real.

Cosleeping?!*

I think cosleeping is a lovely idea. But. I don't feel guilty about not cosleeping with my Baby. Nope. Not at all. I'm writing this for anyone who does feel guilty because they don't or (perhaps more often) didn't cosleep.

Last night Baby slept in my bed. No. She didn't sleep in my bed. She played with my hair. She kicked me. She talked to herself. She certainly did not sleep. I thought it would be a good idea to have her in bed with me because she kept waking up and I thought she wasn't quite well. It wasn't.

Some might argue that it didn't work because she isn't used to sleeping with me. To which I say "pfffft, whatEVer." When she was (really) a baby I used to try to comfort her to sleep when she started to show tired signs. It actually didn't work. She would not go to sleep with me holding or patting her. She needed to be left alone. I speak the truth! (All our children, by the way, have slept with us for the first few days or weeks after birth.)

There are many lovely ideas out there. They don't all work. For me. What will always work for me (and for everyone) are the principles of Right and Wrong. Cosleeping isn't Right or Wrong. It's nice. If you get to sleep.

*This post is not meant to "knock" cosleeping. It's just a light-hearted reflection on a sleepless night. :)

Why Are They Leaving (and does it matter)?

I recently watched an online "movie" called Divided about youth ministry in christian churches. It has ignited some passionate debate - to the point that I would like to respond both to the claims made in Divided (you can find it here) and to the resulting discussion about what makes people of all ages leave their former faith.

One of the statements throughout the movie was that youth group/sunday school is not supported in scriptures. Ephesians 6 is quoted where it says fathers should "bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord". Christ explicitly told His disciples not to add to or take away from the scriptures. To use Ephesians 6 as an argument against youth groups is adding to what the scripture says (something Jesus warned against). It doesn't say "fathers teach your children and whatever you do, make sure no one else teaches them without you present at all times."

Proverbs 11:14 says that "in a multitude of counselors there is safety". Shouldn't we encourage our young people to be willing to listen to a multitude of counselors then? In Acts 17 verses 10-12 the Bereans were noted as searching the scriptures daily to "find out whether these things were so". Is it not a valuable (Biblical) principle to encourage our young people to search the scriptures to find out whether what we (their parents) teach them is true? Youth ministries may be one avenue to do this. What's more, in Titus 2 verses 3-5 the older women were instructed to teach the younger women. In verse 6 of the same chapter, Titus was told to "exhort the young men". Here is possibly a biblical model for separate groups. In Galatians it also instructs those who are spiritual to point straying brothers and sisters back to the right path... without saying "but, by the way, don't do it if they are under 18 and their parents are in the church, because then it's their parents' job".

So no, the bible does not give a command against teaching separate groups, and you might even argue that it advocates it. As someone already commented, this is a case of Christian liberty.

As for young people leaving the church, my experience was growing up in a church with a large group of first generation Christians my parents' age. When I was young and the church was immature, there was a widespread culture (unspoken) that parents were perfect. They did not admit to mistakes and there was sadly too much value placed on image. The long-term result is that (after a major split) there are many of my parents' generation left, but very few of my generation. You see, we grew up and discovered that being an adult didn't make us perfect. In time, disillusionment and disenchantment set in for many.

While our actions will never earn us salvation, they are an expression of our salvation - if (as someone on the Divided movie said in other words) we truly appreciate Christ's sacrifice and what it means for us, our lives will be ones of change (as "faith without works is dead" - James 2:14-26). When addressing the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3, John kept saying "to him who overcomes". The book of James tells us to "lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness". Jesus told us that if we love Him we are to keep His commandments and since Jesus was that same I AM as spoke to the Israelites in the wilderness (He told the Pharisees, "before Abraham, I AM"), that means the commandments of the Old Testament as well as the New. This is the narrow and difficult path that leads to Eternal life that Jesus was speaking about.

If we teach our kids that Christianity is about being instead of becoming - that it is a place, not a pathway - then we are selling them short. The proof of a changed heart is a changed life - whether they stay in "the church" or leave, if their lives don't become a living sacrifice, then they are Christians in word only. Having a bunch of warm seats at the end of a church service is not a demonstration of "success" in preaching the gospel. In fact, Jesus predicted that the world for the most part would reject the truth... but that is not the end of God's plan as so many believe!

There is another major problem with mainstream Christianity, that is nothing to do with numbers of people entering or leaving. (If you do not want to be challenged, if you don't want to reconsider what the Bible actually says, please don't read on, because you will only be angered by what I have to say.)

The doctrines of heaven and hell are unbiblical. The Bible says that Jesus was "firstborn from the dead" (obviously others had been resurrected to physical life before, but He was the first resurrected to a Spirit body). That means no one before Jesus "went to heaven" - not Moses, not Abraham, not King David. Moreover, it is "at the last trumpet in the twinkling of an eye" that the dead in Christ will rise. As for hell, the "wages of sin is death" (not burning in eternal torment, or any other form of living unhappily for eternity). "Hell" usually means the grave. "The gift of God is Eternal life" ... not something we already have, and certainly not His gift to the incorrigible wicked.

On top of that, the book of Revelation speaks of a time when "the rest of the dead" will rise - those who have not had an opportunity to truly know God in this life. Ezekiel prophesied about a physical resurrection of the people of Israel (Ezekiel 37). Isaiah is full of prophecies of a time when all nations will learn about God, but first our great Adversary will be imprisoned, no longer able to influence mankind, as explained in Revelation 12.

If you take the Bible as a whole and read it carefully, you will find that God's plan is far more comprehensive than the popular doctrines of mainstream Christianity. God has not neglected or forgotten the many - living and dead - who never had the opportunity to truly understand (or in many cases, even hear) the gospel. God has not left the salvation of billions of disadvantaged men, women and children in the hands of His followers. While He has given us a commission to preach that gospel throughout the world, He hasn't so thoroughly failed humanity that the majority still miss out on hearing and believing the truth.

I have merely skimmed the surface of this topic, but if you would like to read more about it, there are a number of free booklets that cover heaven, hell, life after death and God's plan in much more depth.

Thoughts on Crying... and Some Other Stuff too

Babies. Crying. Put those two words together and it can make for an explosive conversation. There are many opinions out there about babies crying and how bad or good it is for them... And some misinformation, including citing of non-existent research. More recently, some research has been done to follow up older children who were "subjected" to controlled crying as young babies. In all that I have found though, neither the opinions nor the research rely on the foundation of true knowledge - the "fear of the Lord".

Interestingly, the Bible has no rules on letting babies cry... or not. It does advise us to "train up a child in the way he should go" and warns that the "heart is deceitful above all things". It also provides a model for good parenting through God's relationship with His people. After all, God is the Ultimate Parent.

So what can we learn from the Bible about letting babies cry (or not)? First and foremost, I truly believe we must learn that God's work with each of us is personal. If God has not seen fit to lay out rules for parents about letting babies cry, then why should we make rules for each other - especially based on research by people who don't even believe in God?

Certainly there is a place for loving and timely advice and encouragement from one struggling mother to another. However, we can so easily become discouraging when we don't fully understand the challenges others face.

When I look at God's relationship with me, I see a pattern. When I was young in the faith, He answered my cries quickly - to show me that He was there and cared about me. As I have gotten older in the faith, He has let me "cry" for longer in order for me to learn valuable lessons and to learn that if I do things His way life will work so much better. He doesn't care about me less, but I can't grow as a child of God if He always jumps in and fixes things as soon as I start to cry. Likewise as my children have grown, I have gradually let them experience some discomfort and distress so that they can learn to take responsibility for, and ownership of, their emotions and decisions.

When have I done this? I'm not gonna tell. Each child is truly a unique individual and God has given me the responsibility to raise the children under my care through the guidance of His spirit. At times I've stuffed up - I've told children who needed my comfort to get over themselves. At other times I've comforted babies who didn't need comfort at all - they were just testing to see how quickly they could bring Mummy running.

Interestingly, I noticed with my youngest that she needed to cry herself to sleep. Believe me, her crying sounding to me, her mother, like true distress, but at a certain age I just could not comfort her to sleep. However, if I lay her in her bed and let her cry for a few minutes, she would settle herself and sleep much better than she had when I was "interfering"! My older children were all different, and looking back I'm sure I could have done better with each of them if I hadn't been so absorbed by my own comfort, but thankfully my many mistakes (and sins) aren't a death-sentence to my relationships with them or with God... as long as I stay willing to grow and change.

The sooner we recognise that every child - and every parent-child relationship - is unique, the sooner we can get on with the business of truly uplifting and encouraging one another in those unique relationships.

One mother struggles with terrible guilt because a particular method of sleep training was essential to her mental health and ability to function. Another may feel inadequate because she couldn't muster the mental discipline to help their babies develop good sleep habits early in life. Yet another may have had a baby who literally wouldn't stop crying in the early days and weeks... and sometimes even months... She simply had to shut the door and let baby cry. It is very easy to judge one or all of these mothers from an objective distance as harsh or weak or even cruel, but when we haven't lived right in the middle of someone else's life, experiencing the very thoughts in their head, we can rarely truly understand just how hard it can be to be... someone else.

In the end, the (sometimes unspoken) rules that we impose on ourselves and others can very easily break down the essential support networks that help us get through those tough early years. I know that far too often I blurt out the words of criticism and hold back the words of encouragement or admiration. It takes real humility to accept and believe that someone else's way might truly work as well as ours... perhaps even better.

On the other hand, it takes patience and love to not carry with us every judgement and criticism that we read into the words and looks of others. Motherhood - especially early motherhood - can be such a sensitive and vulnerable time that we can easily mistake loving concern for harsh condemnation. That lovely older lady at church who says: "don't you think that will spoil him, dear?" is not necessarily speaking from some lofty height of superiority, but may be absolutely aching to ease the burden of a tired and frazzled young mother. On the other hand, single guy (who has never touched a baby in his life) who expresses concern about a baby left to cry, may truly hear something in that cry that (exhausted, emotional, hormonal) Mummy can't hear.

We will all get things wrong on our parenting journey, and sometimes God will use the most unlikely of people to tell us so... And sometimes we will have to forgive those who are speaking from a lofty height of superiority or in absolute ignorance of what it really means to be a mother.

It's a tough gig, this motherhood thing, but if we come right back down to the absolute foundation of wisdom - the fear of God - and invest ourselves in growing in Godly love, then we will have success that the world can't even begin to measure.

No Box Big Enough

When Miss Curie was very young, I started reading to her every day, having been convicted by Mem Fox's Reading Magic that this was essential to her future development. Miss Curie often seemed to have little interest in the books apart from the lovely sound they made when their pages were ripped. I thought she probably wouldn't be very interested in reading when she got older. Today, however, she loves to read.

When she was less than a year old, Miss Curie would copy me when I wiped the floor, and she could spend ages smoothing out a blanket perfectly. I was pretty sure that she was going to grow up to be a neat freak. Nearly eight years later, her bed is the messiest in the house (although it is "made") and I often find dirty clothes stuffed in her drawers to the point that they won't open. The "neat freak" box wasn't big enough.

Around the same time, Miss Curie would get really grumpy and out of sorts when we took her to crowded places. As soon as we would leave a hall full of lots of chattering people, she seemed to become "herself" again. I figured she was probably an introvert just like me.

When she was just over two, Miss Curie would often ask me "who are we going to see today?" I would look at her in wonderment, amazed that I had given birth to a child who was apparently an extrovert. Now, at eight and a half, Miss Curie loves to be around other people while doing solitary activities - she loves someone to be in the room with her while she sews or reads a book. On the other hand, she loves her French class because, in her break she gets to "play with the other kids". The "introvert" box isn't big enough.

When Chatterbox was just a baby she was terrified of "creepy crawlies" of all kinds. As she got older she was scared of the dark, of water... the list of things she was scared of kept getting bigger. At the beach one day she was beside herself when she saw her older sisters actually sitting in the waves. She kept yelling at them: "Get up, girls! Get up!" I resigned myself to having an overcautious child. A year on she has suddenly discovered an adventurous spirit and enjoys touching bugs and playing in surf. The "scaredy-cat" box isn't big enough.

Angelina spoke her first words well before she was a year old and a couple of years later she started playing with rhymes. From just three years old she has loved to make up stories and songs. I was convinced that she would learn to read before her older sister. Now she will be seven soon, and learning to read has been a much longer, slower process for her than it was for Miss Curie (and that is totally OK). The "language lover" box wasn't big enough.

So what's the point in all my ramblings? Just that I'm learning not to put my kids in boxes, because no box is big enough. So often, I have thought that I know my girls, only discover that I don't - not really. If I want to know my children and enable them to grow, I can't assign them an identity based on just a few moments in time. To truly nurture them, sometimes I need to just stand back and watch without the need to pull out my field guide to children in order to work out whether they are "introverts" or "hypersensitive" or "gifted" or ... whatever.

It's essential to guide our children towards growing in character, rather than excusing immoral or reckless behaviour because "that's just who they are". However, I need to learn to accept and appreciate my children with all their harmless little quirks and eccentricities - the bits that make them unique without hurting themselves or others. I don't have to put them in a box to do that.

As for The Baby, she's a mischeivous little thing right now. She has learned to open jars, bottles, cupboards... you name it... and chaos has ensued. When Baby has had enough to eat, she indicates this by either spreading her food artistically and strategically over the table, or by throwing it on the floor (although she is rapidly learning that this is not How Things Are Done). I don't know what personality "box" she belongs in, though, because no box is big enough.

Homeschooling - It's Not Who We Are

I've been intrigued a couple of times recently when people I barely know - and to whom I didn't think I'd ever mentioned homeschooling - have asked about how I'm going teaching the girls... Intrigued, and, in a funny way, slightly troubled.

See, homeschooling is something we do, but I would hate anyone to think that it's who we are. I don't want my identity in the world at large to be encapsulated by the phrase "homeschooling mother of four".

I believe that homeschooling is best for my children, but it's not something I believe in. I hope that the defining feature of my life is my belief that the God Who created the universe has an awesome plan for every man, woman and child on the planet.

I home educate our precious daughters because the education establishment (and to be honest, I believe this is true of christian schools as well) is completely at odds with our beliefs and values - because "out there" our children would be told that they need to accept all belief systems as equally valuable... which kinda doesn't work. The God of the Bible most definitely doesn't tolerate competitors. (If I had created the universe I certainly wouldn't want a statue getting the credit for my work!)

I love having the opportunity to educate "our" girls at home and teach them Biblical values, but homeschooling isn't who we are - it's what we do because of who we are.

Our National Disgrace

I hardly know how to begin this post. This topic has weighed very heavily on my heart for some time now. As floods have swept away both lives and livelihoods, and now cyclones have battered our nations coastline, yet those natural events don't hold a candle to the destruction that is being wrought by our national disgrace.

Based on an estimate from 2005, close to 200 babies a day are killed in our country. As long as a human baby is at least partially inside the womb in the state of Victoria, it has less rights (i.e. none at all) than a chick embryo in the third trimester.

I'm not even going to publish the horrible details of what is now completely legal in the state of Victoria - it is simply too unbearable. Cold, hard facts, unembellished by pro-life proponents, can be found at this government site http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Abortion_in_Australia. For anyone who doubts just how disgusting late-term abortion is, you can search for yourself. In my mind, it amounts to nothing short of torture.

Our national disgrace is that while the rights of animals and the antics of footballers hit the front pages of our papers, abortion does not. Our national disgrace is that I received many emails asking me to attend rallies to protect the rights of mothers to give birth at home, I received none pleading with me to protect the right of a child to be born. I received numerous emails begging me to sign a petition to protect a woman in another country from being put to death, but no one has asked me to sign a petition to prevent the ... I can't even write it ... to prevent what is done to late-term babies in order to remove them from their mothers womb.

More recently, many have asked me to rally around to support those who have lost their homes and experienced terrible trauma in the recent Queensland floods, but no one has asked me to rally around to encourage and help pregnant women who believe their only support network is an abortion clinic, and who are likely to suffer years of trauma later in life.

At election time, the rallying cry of politicians has been to invest in the economic stability of our nation. There has been no mention of the emotional stability of a nation which engages in the wholesale slaughter of defenseless children (YES! They are children, not merely "fetuses" or "embryos"). I can only conclude that politicians focus on economic stability because that is what our nation cares about and that is what will get them elected.

As I cuddle my own baby girl, I feel like she is the one being threatened by our national disgrace. And the reality is that the threat to her is very real. When we hold life so cheap that it is legal to throw a living baby - surgically removed from it's mother's body - into a dumpster (or worse), what possible hope can we have for the future of our children? We can expect them, as a generation, to grow up believing in the disposability of people (while, in all likelihood, they will vehemently defend the rights of animals).

I can offer only one remedy for our national disgrace - to pray and ask God for forgiveness and healing. I know that the only true defender of the unborn can be God himself, and knowing what happens in abortion clinics across our nation (and other nations) every day motivates me to be all the more urgent in my pleas to God for HIS Kingdom to come.

Abortion is not merely the sin of a few desperate women and amoral doctors, it is the disgrace of our nation. In the overwhelming majority we have contributed to its legalization. We have rejected God, torn down the foundations of marriage and family, and invested our lives in the pursuit of physical possessions. In the process, we have relentlessly destroyed our country's single greatest resource and blessing - its children. Many have wondered aloud how "ordinary" Germans could stand by while the holocaust occurred, little realising that Australia is engaged in the barbaric elimination of the unborn. We have yet to fully realize the returns on this diabolical investment, but unless we throw ourselves on God's mercy in abject repentance, we can expect that there is going to be hell to pay.

How To Raise Perfect Children (More Or Less)

Step 1. Stop being human.

Seriously now... as mother to four little cupcakes, How To Be A Good Parent is something of a preoccupation of mine these days. I often ponder how best to raise these little girls as (hopefully) God-fearing adults overflowing with integrity and love of their fellow man.

I have been wont to bemoan the lack of detail in the bible about correctly raising children. There are just a few very general instructions to parents - no specifics about when to introduce dairy or how to potty train... Perhaps because such things really aren't that important after all.

Just today, though, I've had an epiphany. The bible doesn't lack detail about parenting at all, it is simply (being a perfect book inspired by the very Creator of the universe) ... efficient. You see, there's this verse that goes; "foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15) I was thinking about this verse again today when it occurred to me how much detail is in this verse alone. It tells me that I need to use a rod to correct my child whenever he (or she, in my case!) is foolish. The rest of the bible is absolute bursting with references to fools and foolishness that define for me exactly when I need to administer the "rod of correction". Easy!

Only, of course, it isn't easy because the hard bit about being a Mum for me is actually Paying Attention and *noticing* when my children are being foolish. I let an awful lot of teaching opportunities slip by me because I'm off in my little world. That is something that I can - with God's holy spirit - work on, though.

There are other verses that deal with bringing up children as well, of course. Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs us : "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." Here also is a wealth of information since the "them" we are to teach diligently to our children refers to the commandments God gave to the Israelites through Moses.

There are a number of other verses that refer specifically to bringing up children that I may "talk" about another time, but even just those two verses provide an incredible foundation for being a responsible and loving parent. We need to both teach (that is, intentionally teach, not as a reaction to misbehaviour) and lovingly (and let me emphasize lovingly, not because we're embarrassed or annoyed or outraged or hurt) correct. Phew! It's no wonder I'm so tired by the end of each day!

So maybe I'm not quite on my way to raising perfect children, but it's not for lack of information. After all, I have 24-hour access to the ultimate parenting resource, the Bible.