Sacrifice ... or Selfishness?

I often hear and read about parenting, and motherhood in particular, being the most challenging and demanding job in the universe. I also often hear about the sacrifices inherent in being a mother. Recently, I've found myself questioning how much I truly sacrifice for my family.

My basic human nature didn't suddenly evaporate in the first moment of conception, nor did I leave my fundamental selfishness behind in the labour ward when I brought Miss Curie home. Since being married, I have often believed that I was sacrificing my needs or desires for the sake of others. If I'm honest though, marriage and motherhood didn't automatically exterminate my ego. Instead, as my happiness and comfort became more entwined with the happiness and comfort of other human beings, I learned to compromise some of my desires to achieve the most favourable outcome for ... you guessed it! ... myself. It's a sad truth, but it's the honest truth, as I've been coming to see over the last few months.

Most of us like to believe that we are constantly making sacrifices for the well-being of others. Especially as parents and husbands and wives we may mentally rehearse all the things we have given up for the sake of our families. I find in my own life that, more often than not, the sacrifices are actually a trade-off. I've learned to accept that life won't be exactly as I would like, but if I look after my kids and husband then they're more likely to do what I want. I don't find it particularly enjoyable to realise that too often the goal of my living has been to bring up a husband and children that will keep me happy and comfortable.

For example, I'd like Raamonster to eat and live healthy so he has the physical and emotional energy to be a good husband to me. I feed my kids good food so I don't have to get up through the night to sick children. The ultimate results for them will probably be good, but the reality of my motivation is still downright ugly. And I could come up with plenty more examples of how my input into the family unit is ultimately self-motivated, not other-centred. I could, but it's just too embarrassing to list them all here!!!

So I'm working on ditching my traditional martyr mentality and actually investing in truly selfless sacrifice. The change of mindset is sure to be a lifelong process!