Our oldest three girls have been away with grandparents for the weekend, so the Raamonster and I have been home with just Baby. Over those few days we've noticed that we still have to remind her to say please and thank you.
So, we're giving her a bit more encouragement to say them without being reminded by saying "no" to any request not accompanied by a "please", or taking things away when she forgets to say "thank you". This seems to be rectifying the problem very quickly... and with minimal conflict.
In the process, I'm finding I'm paying more attention to how I speak to her. Generally these kinds of situations highlight the fact that I'm not setting the example that I should. Thankfully, I'm actually finding that the habit that I established very early in my days of parenting has stuck. I do say please and thank you... Unfortunately, on the other hand, I often find myself using a tone of voice bordering on whining when the girls haven't been listening to me. Not such a good habit!
Anyway, thinking about all this has reminded me of the importance of treating our children as people from day one. Yes, as a parent I am in authority and they need to learn to do what I ask. BUT, as the adult, I need to set the standard of respect for their personhood. My kids have less authority, but they are not of less value than me as people. How I speak to them sends a message every day about their value as people. Now you may be thinking that saying "please" and "thank you" confuses children because they think you are making a suggestion or that a request is optional. I have a simple solution - if there is a delayed reaction, I simply say (but still hopefully in a kind voice) "that's an instruction, not a request" (even very young children soon learn what that means!).
There are times when a firmer tone of voice or less polite wording is warranted, but overall I think the big thing us parents need to remember is that we're in charge of our children, we are responsible for their well-being, but we are not more important than them... And so, as a loving example to them, we need to mind our manners.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
(Not) Back To School - The First Week
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| The learning that happens out of school hours :) |
For the last couple of years, I have written out a list of school work and chores for each day of the week on an index card, with a column for each week so they can tick off each thing as it's done. Handwriting these takes quite a bit of time - it would be way quicker to print something out - but I quite enjoy the process. More recently, I've started writing the things I'm not so sure about in pencil, so if something is too much or I want to change the order, I can just erase stuff and move it around. Activities like Bible and music practice are down in pen because they won't change in a hurry.
Every day includes prayer and individual and family Bible reading, hymn singing (although this happens not-quite-daily since it depends on if I feel up to playing the accompaniment. Theoretically, we sing the same hymn every day for a week so we learn it really well), piano and violin practice, scripture copywork (the same scripture every day for a week, which means the scripture is memorised by the end of the week), and Calculadder (a maths drill). Oh, and I'm also trying this term to do a little bit of German each day to give the girls a little more exposure - I'm making that a part of our lunchtime routine. We managed four days out of five this week, which is a pretty good start!
Monday started pretty gently - I had family shopping and cooking down on the lists, but decided to ditch the shopping for this week, since it wasn't necessary. And rather than preparing a whole meal together, I just had everyone cutting up peaches from our tree for stewing, so that didn't take long.
Monday is also the day I have scheduled to give each of the three older girls a piano lesson. Setting a time for each of them on a set day means that the piano lessons actually happen each week. Before I set aside that time, they just weren't happening consistently and daily practice tended to fall by the wayside as well. For our family music is as important as maths and english. Our girls all have some natural talent; the Raamonster and I both play musical instruments and enjoy singing and making up our own songs - and so we see this as a way our family can serve others. For that reason, we put a lot of time and effort into music practice.
I try to "attach" group learning activities to lunch time. This helps me to stay organised and is the easiest way to have everyone together in one place without interrupting individual work. Monday's group learning is some kind of history reading. This week we started "God's Dangerous Book", which is all about the Bible's history. The beginning is a bit dry, but hopefully it will get more interesting... Each of the girls had a bit of extra maths to work on on Monday. Singapore for Miss Curie (still working her way through book 5A), timestables for Angelina, and a grade one workbook from Kmart for the Chatterbox. I also got Miss Curie to write a little about what we read at lunchtime in her history notebook.
Tuesday, on top of the daily activities and some extra chores the older two did Singapore Math, Chatterbox had a logic worksheet (recognising patterns, I think it was). The older two also did a short English activity to supplement the IEW course we were working on at the end of last year - choosing adjectives and adverbs to insert into short sentences. Miss Curie started on "Exploring Creation With General Science" (Apologia) and I read a chapter from "God's Design For Plants" at lunch time. I'm planning for General Science to take two years, rather than one! I had prepared a shelf in the "school cupboard" in the big girls' bedroom with the materials for most of the experiments for this term, which means Miss Curie can work on that pretty independently (but her sisters are enjoying watching the experiments, which is great for them, too). That evening we watched a couple of segments of Dave Ramsey's "Foundations in Personal Finance" course on DVD with the Raamonster. This is excellent so far - interesting and engaging for all ages and easily understandable.
Wednesday after the morning Bible reading and hymn singing was "band" practice. I've decided to let the girls off piano practice that day and I guide them in playing pieceson violin all together. There are a couple of simple pieces they all play together, and then the older two are working on a couple of duets (Amazing Grace, which they worked out themselves and Minuet by Bach from their Suzuki book). Then there was Singapore Math for the older two, another logic worksheet for chatterbox. More of the General Science for Miss Curie; a small segment of Queen Homeschool's "Learning How to Learn" for Angelina; and a sewing lesson for each of the girls after lunch (yes, even "Baby").
Thursday on top of the daily stuff and additional chores they each had a little bit of English to do. This is my trickiest subject, since there's not one resource I'm entirely happy with, so we're mixing it up between the Queen Homeschool Language lessons for the older girls, a grade one workbook and her own writing (which she does a lot of) for the Chatterbox, a bit of IEW and some extra bits and pieces that I come up with. Miss Curie has also started on "Vocabulary Vine" which is a course on some of the most common Latin and Greek roots. We'll see how we go with that one - I don't want to overload her, but am trying to step up the expectations a bit as she gets older... hopefully without losing sight of life's greatest priorities!
Friday is a bit lighter-on with school work to allow ample time for Sabbath preparation (we observe the seventh-day Sabbath, because that's what Jesus did). Miss Curie did some Life of Fred, but for the other girls their schedules are just the daily tasks mentioned at the beginning of this post. Sabbath preparation means getting clothes ready for church, helping out with meals and making afternoon tea for church if I need it, and generally getting the house into an extra state of cleanness for the following day. Generally this means that Friday afternoons are a bit more relaxed than other days... in theory, anyway!
SO, that was our "official" school week, but there was plenty of unofficial learning happening as well. Angelina is reading through the Little House on the Prairie series and we're having lots of discussions related to that. There have been several "tea parties", with Angelina presiding over tea-making and other preparations. Miss Curie made brownies today and we've made fresh cheese several times from the raw milk we've been buying from a family farm... Then we've had discussions about why I can use just baking soda without cream of tartar when I use the whey from the cheese to make pancakes and scones (surprisingly the Chatterbox worked that one out!)
Thankfully, with their lists and a fairly predictable routine, the oldest three girls can work reasonably independently, which allows me time with "Baby" (who really needs a new name!). She loves to help me with cooking stuff, so I try to include her as much as I can in what I'm doing. Plus I'm starting to give her more little jobs around the house. The fact that the older girls are good at working on their own means that I can give the time and attention to training up "Baby" in those little jobs.
Over this term, I'm trying to encourage Miss Curie and Angelina to work on some sort of project that they choose for themselves. At the moment Angelina is inclined towards working on her drawing, and Miss Curie is keen to further develop her cooking skills... You may notice that I don't include any traditional "Art" in our schedule. That's because I don't need to! All my girls love to draw, paint, sculpt and craft without any prompting from me, and that tends to happen a lot in their spare time.
So overall, it's been a good week. I'm really excited as the girls are getting older and they can be setting a path towards their own unique futures.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Homeschoolers Don't Do School Well
After a number of years (nearly six now!) of homeschooling and meeting many families new to this adventure, I've learned something (at last! :)) Homeschoolers don't do school well. Some are smart enough to never try, but many flounder, sometimes for years, wondering why nothing seems to be "working" and why they feel so burnt out.
Before you throw anything at me, I'm not saying that homeschoolers don't educate their children well. There are many sterling examples of incredible young adults who have been thoroughly and successfully educated at home, by their own parents. But seriously, I am yet to see a homeschooler do "school at home" well.
You see, despite the fact that we have taken our children out of school - hopefully for very good reasons, not on a whim! - many of us then try to emulate the school environment at home. We often bring (or keep) our children home to nurture our relationships and celebrate their individuality, only to stuff them into hard chairs at desks with workbooks designed for a mass-produced education.
I'm not criticizing workbooks or desks - they have a legitimate place in many families, but I am criticizing a mass-produced education at home. Why would we go to all the effort of copying the schools we don't want to send our children to? Why do we worry so much about our kids "keeping up" when deep down we know very well that - unless we are downright neglectful - they wouldn't be "keeping up" any better at school than they are at home... When we know deep down that only 49% of children can be "above average" in any given area... When we know deep down that lots of kids "fall through the cracks" in the school system, but if we're paying any attention, we can't possibly not notice that a child isn't reading or doesn't "get" numbers, and so we'll work with them in a way and with an intensity that couldn't happen in a classroom, unless the teacher chose to ignore 19 or more other little people.
Sure, there will be lots of stuff our kids don't learn from us, but that will (hopefully) be either because there is a disability that would have stopped them from learning it at school anyway, OR because it's just not important enough right now (and if it's important later, they can always learn it later - our kids brains don't stop learning the moment they turn 18 or leave home!)
If we don't "believe in" school - why do we keep trying to copy it? Why aren't we bolder when relatives and friends "test" our kids or question our methods? Instead of trying to prove that we're "keeping up", why don't we explain that we're not sending our kids to school because we don't believe in it?
We're (most of us, anyway) homeschooling because we want to give our kids an entirely different kind of education, right? We can't possibly successfully (and cheerfully) squeeze school as school is school in around the physical responsibilities of being a mother. We can incorporate a valuable and value-filled education into every day life.
Our kids may never speak educationese, but they will be able to communicate with real people in real life. Our kids may never find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, but they will learn that stealing is wrong. Our kids may never participate in a school sports carnival, but will that permanently cripple them? Their first test may be the learner driver test, but does that mean they haven't learned anything in the meantime?
This is not about picking on schools. Plenty of great people have come out of the school system. This is about the fact that school is school and home is home and we don't have to be the same to educate our children.
Schools are expected to prepare kids for almost every possible scenario. As parents, we can begin to see from an early age that there are some things our children won't become, so we don't need to "allow for" those possibilities. I can say with 99% confidence that my three oldest girls won't become... lots of things - there a zillion possibilities I don't need to "allow for", so I get to concentrate more energy on their strengths and interests (that doesn't mean we neglect areas of weakness, just that we don't need to obsess over them - we can slow down and take our time to learn thoroughly, rather than worrying about "keeping up").
We have the freedom to be different - let's embrace it!
Before you throw anything at me, I'm not saying that homeschoolers don't educate their children well. There are many sterling examples of incredible young adults who have been thoroughly and successfully educated at home, by their own parents. But seriously, I am yet to see a homeschooler do "school at home" well.
You see, despite the fact that we have taken our children out of school - hopefully for very good reasons, not on a whim! - many of us then try to emulate the school environment at home. We often bring (or keep) our children home to nurture our relationships and celebrate their individuality, only to stuff them into hard chairs at desks with workbooks designed for a mass-produced education.
I'm not criticizing workbooks or desks - they have a legitimate place in many families, but I am criticizing a mass-produced education at home. Why would we go to all the effort of copying the schools we don't want to send our children to? Why do we worry so much about our kids "keeping up" when deep down we know very well that - unless we are downright neglectful - they wouldn't be "keeping up" any better at school than they are at home... When we know deep down that only 49% of children can be "above average" in any given area... When we know deep down that lots of kids "fall through the cracks" in the school system, but if we're paying any attention, we can't possibly not notice that a child isn't reading or doesn't "get" numbers, and so we'll work with them in a way and with an intensity that couldn't happen in a classroom, unless the teacher chose to ignore 19 or more other little people.
Sure, there will be lots of stuff our kids don't learn from us, but that will (hopefully) be either because there is a disability that would have stopped them from learning it at school anyway, OR because it's just not important enough right now (and if it's important later, they can always learn it later - our kids brains don't stop learning the moment they turn 18 or leave home!)
If we don't "believe in" school - why do we keep trying to copy it? Why aren't we bolder when relatives and friends "test" our kids or question our methods? Instead of trying to prove that we're "keeping up", why don't we explain that we're not sending our kids to school because we don't believe in it?
We're (most of us, anyway) homeschooling because we want to give our kids an entirely different kind of education, right? We can't possibly successfully (and cheerfully) squeeze school as school is school in around the physical responsibilities of being a mother. We can incorporate a valuable and value-filled education into every day life.
Our kids may never speak educationese, but they will be able to communicate with real people in real life. Our kids may never find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, but they will learn that stealing is wrong. Our kids may never participate in a school sports carnival, but will that permanently cripple them? Their first test may be the learner driver test, but does that mean they haven't learned anything in the meantime?
This is not about picking on schools. Plenty of great people have come out of the school system. This is about the fact that school is school and home is home and we don't have to be the same to educate our children.
Schools are expected to prepare kids for almost every possible scenario. As parents, we can begin to see from an early age that there are some things our children won't become, so we don't need to "allow for" those possibilities. I can say with 99% confidence that my three oldest girls won't become... lots of things - there a zillion possibilities I don't need to "allow for", so I get to concentrate more energy on their strengths and interests (that doesn't mean we neglect areas of weakness, just that we don't need to obsess over them - we can slow down and take our time to learn thoroughly, rather than worrying about "keeping up").
We have the freedom to be different - let's embrace it!
Monday, July 8, 2013
What Shall We Read?
If you're anything like me, with several insatiable young readers in the household, finding appropriate books can be a mammoth task.
I guess I'm pretty conservative when it comes to kid's reading material. As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says - that you become what you think. And what better way to think about something than to read about it? Of course, even the Bible itself has stories of immorality and even downright depravity, but they are set in the context of morality. The Bible describes the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, and then the penalty for that sin - their complete destruction.
I find helping my girls choose good books to be a minefield. There is a lot of rubbish out there. Amongst it, there are a few gems (very few written recently, in my opinion). Meanwhile their "appetite" for reading is huge, and there just don't seem to be enough good books to fill that chasm. And I can't keep up in "censoring" the books before they read them. So sometimes I compromise. And sometimes they have to read the same book 10 times. And sometimes I tell them to go find something else to do. After all, reading isn't some kind of virtue. It's useful, it's enjoyable (for our family anyway), and in some cases (such as reading the Bible) it's really, really important. But really, there are other things to learn and do as well, and sometimes reading can be a lazy and self-indulgent pleasure, rather than a helpful, uplifting and inspiring past-time.
Anyway, after all that, I thought I would share some of our family favourites.
What Katy Did by Susan Coolidge
I just love this book. It probably doesn't rate as great "literature", but it is such a beautiful story of a girl learning many valuable lessons through a painful trial. The characters are wonderfully human, but are trying to be "good".
Heidi by Johanna Spyri
Heidi is a lovely, warm-hearted little orphan who brings joy into her Grandfather's life, but also has to suffer some difficult trials and being terrible misunderstood. (I don't know if other Johanna Spyri books are in print, but I've also enjoyed reading Erik and Sally and Cornelli, which I downloaded from the Gutenberg project website.)
Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter
I love Pollyanna's attitude to life - she is positive and friendly, but not flippant. She too has to go through a very challenging time that tests her own philosophy on life.
Pigeon Pie by Charlotte Yonge
This is a story about the English Civil War which was both educational and an enjoyable family read. A little girl's quick temper and tongue get her family into serious trouble.
Children of the New Forrest by Captain Marryat
Another story about the English Civil War. Four children of a nobleman pretend to be the grandchildren of a Forrester and have to learn to survive in the New Forrest where they are living. I picked up our version at an op shop and it's abridged, but I'm not sure what is missing. It doesn't seem to have been overly simplified like some abridged editions.
Hayslope Grange: A Tale of the Civil War by Emma Leslie
And another story of the Civil war. A young nobleman is cast off by his family because he joins the "rebel" cause. (A little on the melodramatic side at times :))
A Little Maid of Old Maine by Alice Turner Curtis
Based on a true story of a young girl whose heroic actions helped save her settlement at the beginning of the American Revolutionary War. This author has also written a bunch of other books. We accessed all of these on the Gutenberg project website.
My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
A boy runs away from his crowded home to live in the wilderness, fending for himself.
The Story of the Treasure Seekers by E. Nesbit
(We also loved the movie of her book, The Railway Children - I have the book on the shelf, but haven't read it yet). A beautiful and touching story of a family of well-intentioned but mischievous children on a quest to earn money for their family. (Oh, and we also enjoyed the movie of Five Children and It. The five children find a "sand fairy" who grants their wishes with disastrous results. I'm not "into" magic books, but since this doesn't really promote magic, but has some good lessons, I was happy with it.)
Deepwater by Judith O'Neill
A story of a small Victorian (Australian) farming community during the first world war and the prejudice against Germans at the time.
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
No, I don't normally allow my girls to read about witches, but I appreciated the Christian allegory in this book, and it's a lot of fun to read. Four children enter the land of Naria through a wardrobe and learn a lot about themselves in the process.
There are many more books that we have enjoyed together and hope to enjoy in the future... I hope to add to this list with time.
I guess I'm pretty conservative when it comes to kid's reading material. As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says - that you become what you think. And what better way to think about something than to read about it? Of course, even the Bible itself has stories of immorality and even downright depravity, but they are set in the context of morality. The Bible describes the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, and then the penalty for that sin - their complete destruction.
I find helping my girls choose good books to be a minefield. There is a lot of rubbish out there. Amongst it, there are a few gems (very few written recently, in my opinion). Meanwhile their "appetite" for reading is huge, and there just don't seem to be enough good books to fill that chasm. And I can't keep up in "censoring" the books before they read them. So sometimes I compromise. And sometimes they have to read the same book 10 times. And sometimes I tell them to go find something else to do. After all, reading isn't some kind of virtue. It's useful, it's enjoyable (for our family anyway), and in some cases (such as reading the Bible) it's really, really important. But really, there are other things to learn and do as well, and sometimes reading can be a lazy and self-indulgent pleasure, rather than a helpful, uplifting and inspiring past-time.
Anyway, after all that, I thought I would share some of our family favourites.
What Katy Did by Susan Coolidge
I just love this book. It probably doesn't rate as great "literature", but it is such a beautiful story of a girl learning many valuable lessons through a painful trial. The characters are wonderfully human, but are trying to be "good".
Heidi by Johanna Spyri
Heidi is a lovely, warm-hearted little orphan who brings joy into her Grandfather's life, but also has to suffer some difficult trials and being terrible misunderstood. (I don't know if other Johanna Spyri books are in print, but I've also enjoyed reading Erik and Sally and Cornelli, which I downloaded from the Gutenberg project website.)
Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter
I love Pollyanna's attitude to life - she is positive and friendly, but not flippant. She too has to go through a very challenging time that tests her own philosophy on life.
Pigeon Pie by Charlotte Yonge
This is a story about the English Civil War which was both educational and an enjoyable family read. A little girl's quick temper and tongue get her family into serious trouble.
Children of the New Forrest by Captain Marryat
Another story about the English Civil War. Four children of a nobleman pretend to be the grandchildren of a Forrester and have to learn to survive in the New Forrest where they are living. I picked up our version at an op shop and it's abridged, but I'm not sure what is missing. It doesn't seem to have been overly simplified like some abridged editions.
Hayslope Grange: A Tale of the Civil War by Emma Leslie
And another story of the Civil war. A young nobleman is cast off by his family because he joins the "rebel" cause. (A little on the melodramatic side at times :))
A Little Maid of Old Maine by Alice Turner Curtis
Based on a true story of a young girl whose heroic actions helped save her settlement at the beginning of the American Revolutionary War. This author has also written a bunch of other books. We accessed all of these on the Gutenberg project website.
My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
A boy runs away from his crowded home to live in the wilderness, fending for himself.
The Story of the Treasure Seekers by E. Nesbit
(We also loved the movie of her book, The Railway Children - I have the book on the shelf, but haven't read it yet). A beautiful and touching story of a family of well-intentioned but mischievous children on a quest to earn money for their family. (Oh, and we also enjoyed the movie of Five Children and It. The five children find a "sand fairy" who grants their wishes with disastrous results. I'm not "into" magic books, but since this doesn't really promote magic, but has some good lessons, I was happy with it.)
Deepwater by Judith O'Neill
A story of a small Victorian (Australian) farming community during the first world war and the prejudice against Germans at the time.
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
No, I don't normally allow my girls to read about witches, but I appreciated the Christian allegory in this book, and it's a lot of fun to read. Four children enter the land of Naria through a wardrobe and learn a lot about themselves in the process.
There are many more books that we have enjoyed together and hope to enjoy in the future... I hope to add to this list with time.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
If This Doesn't Pass
Today is a good day to write this - a subject that has been on my mind for years now. I feel rotten today - probably food poisoning. It feels like my intestines are being tied up in knots and my whole body wants to collapse in on itself. I'm pretty confident right now that this will pass in a day or two. A few years ago, though, I felt like this and it didn't pass so quickly. For weeks - I'm not sure exactly how long - I felt like this. It was long enough for me to start wondering if this was a permanent condition, but short enough that I didn't take it to the medical profession (I tend to resist going to doctors).
"This too shall pass" is a popular saying to share with those who are suffering. For many, it's a source of true comfort. But what if "this" - whatever it is - doesn't pass? There have been times in my life when it would have been more comforting for someone to say to me: "don't worry, one day you'll die". The prospect of death was much more reassuring than that of a life with less (whether physical, emotional or spiritual) pain. I should qualify that by saying that the comfort of death lies in the promise of eternal life to come afterward. I wouldn't find it so inviting if it was the final end to everything.
What if, for the forseeable future - perhaps even the rest of a lifetime - "this" won't pass? Some problems actually just get bigger and older with time. Pain isn't so bad if it's just for a day, but if it goes on and on unrelenting, then what? And sometimes, we can flippantly throw someone that phrase "this too shall pass" with no understanding of what is really under the pain they are experiencing. What people complain about is not necessarily what's really hurting. It's a lot easier to talk about the flu or a difficult colleague at work than it is to explain an abused childhood (I'm deliberately using an example that doesn't apply to me).
What I personally find comforting is not simply the hope of a trial or challenge coming to an end in this lifetime, but knowing that behind every pain, God has a purpose and a plan. I try to ask myself (have I said this before?) "what am I learning?" Because, you know what? I want this pain to be proactive! If I'm hurting, I want it to achieve something! I don't want to just be hanging around waiting for the hard stuff to be over and done with so I can get to the good stuff. I can't get to the good stuff unless I learn from the hard stuff.
I don't tend to ask others in pain "what are you learning from this?" because I figure it's likely to come across as pretty insensitive and arrogant. But I probably won't say "this too shall pass" either. It might not pass. This might be part of the rest of your physical life. But God has a purpose and a plan. Do we want in on it or not? Excuse me while I go and study. :)
"This too shall pass" is a popular saying to share with those who are suffering. For many, it's a source of true comfort. But what if "this" - whatever it is - doesn't pass? There have been times in my life when it would have been more comforting for someone to say to me: "don't worry, one day you'll die". The prospect of death was much more reassuring than that of a life with less (whether physical, emotional or spiritual) pain. I should qualify that by saying that the comfort of death lies in the promise of eternal life to come afterward. I wouldn't find it so inviting if it was the final end to everything.
What if, for the forseeable future - perhaps even the rest of a lifetime - "this" won't pass? Some problems actually just get bigger and older with time. Pain isn't so bad if it's just for a day, but if it goes on and on unrelenting, then what? And sometimes, we can flippantly throw someone that phrase "this too shall pass" with no understanding of what is really under the pain they are experiencing. What people complain about is not necessarily what's really hurting. It's a lot easier to talk about the flu or a difficult colleague at work than it is to explain an abused childhood (I'm deliberately using an example that doesn't apply to me).
What I personally find comforting is not simply the hope of a trial or challenge coming to an end in this lifetime, but knowing that behind every pain, God has a purpose and a plan. I try to ask myself (have I said this before?) "what am I learning?" Because, you know what? I want this pain to be proactive! If I'm hurting, I want it to achieve something! I don't want to just be hanging around waiting for the hard stuff to be over and done with so I can get to the good stuff. I can't get to the good stuff unless I learn from the hard stuff.
I don't tend to ask others in pain "what are you learning from this?" because I figure it's likely to come across as pretty insensitive and arrogant. But I probably won't say "this too shall pass" either. It might not pass. This might be part of the rest of your physical life. But God has a purpose and a plan. Do we want in on it or not? Excuse me while I go and study. :)
Monday, December 24, 2012
What We Should
"With great power comes great responsibility." Remember that saying from Spiderman? (Now there's a movie I plan never to watch again.) Well. It's true, isn't it? And true of being a parent. As parents we have enormous power, and most of us take the responsibilty that goes with it very seriously.
We wonder whether we should make our children practise their music, or let them decide. We ask ourselves whether swimming lessons or ball sports are more important. We agonise over the perfect balance between innocence and being aware of potential dangers in the world around them. We argue back and forth among ourselves over food, screen time, independence, safety, attachment, breastfeeding - in fact, every imaginable facet of parenting becomes subject to a squillion conflicting "rules" dictated to befuddled parents by a myriad of "experts".
Once again, though, we are asking ourselves the Wrong Questions. There is no one authoratitative resource which defines the ideal diet, the perfect balance of extracurricular activities and the exact formula for screen time. In its own unique way, though, the Bible tells us exactly what we should do. The big, central question for every parent, is exactly the same as the big, central question for every human being: "what should I become?" (And, of course, there are a whole bunch of other questions that go along with that, but - interestingly - "should we have pizza for dinner tonight?" is not one of them.)
Being a good parent is all about being a good person. And being a good person is comprehensively defined by the Bible. It starts with realising you can't actually be a good person without God working in your life, front and centre. And then there are a whole pile of principles that apply to every human relationship - including the parent-child relationship. God's definition of Love in 1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start.
Let me digress a little. We have a bad habit of defining parental success by the outcomes in the lives of our children. Ever heard a parent say something like: "we tried everything to make Johnny stop hitting his sister, but nothing worked"? The implication is that it's our job to make our children do what is right... and that somehow that will turn them into good people. To a limited extent we can control and change our children's behaviour when they're young, but shouldn't our goal be to teach them what is right and what is wrong (including administering painful consequences, to demonstrate clearly that sin causes pain) and hope like mad that they will choose to do what is right? That sounds terrifying, but sooner or later, our children will choose for themselves, whether we like it or not, and if we spent their lives forcing them to do what's right, they may not choose the right so readily as we might hope.
We may do everything humanly possible to be good parents... and have children who grow up to make bad choices and end up in jail. On the other hand, we could be utterly selfish and yet churn out kids who become doctors who choose to give freely of their services in third-world countries. The choices our children ultimately make don't define our success (or failure) as parents. There are countless people who have risen above a horrible upbringing to become outstanding leaders. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.
Soooo, getting back to the main point, the truest definition of our success (or not) as parents, is whether (or not) we become what we should. It's whether (or not) we do what we should. It's whether (or not) we live as we should. If we are really and truly guided by the principle of loving others as ourselves and God most of all, then the question of how many serves of veges our kids have eaten today fade into insignificance. The right actions will naturally flow from the right frame of mind.
Of course, none of us will ever love our children perfectly in this lifetime, because we are still human. But if we are truly motivated to become what we should, then in the grand scheme of things - regardless of what our children choose to do with their lives - we will truly have succeeded.
We wonder whether we should make our children practise their music, or let them decide. We ask ourselves whether swimming lessons or ball sports are more important. We agonise over the perfect balance between innocence and being aware of potential dangers in the world around them. We argue back and forth among ourselves over food, screen time, independence, safety, attachment, breastfeeding - in fact, every imaginable facet of parenting becomes subject to a squillion conflicting "rules" dictated to befuddled parents by a myriad of "experts".
Once again, though, we are asking ourselves the Wrong Questions. There is no one authoratitative resource which defines the ideal diet, the perfect balance of extracurricular activities and the exact formula for screen time. In its own unique way, though, the Bible tells us exactly what we should do. The big, central question for every parent, is exactly the same as the big, central question for every human being: "what should I become?" (And, of course, there are a whole bunch of other questions that go along with that, but - interestingly - "should we have pizza for dinner tonight?" is not one of them.)
Being a good parent is all about being a good person. And being a good person is comprehensively defined by the Bible. It starts with realising you can't actually be a good person without God working in your life, front and centre. And then there are a whole pile of principles that apply to every human relationship - including the parent-child relationship. God's definition of Love in 1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start.
Let me digress a little. We have a bad habit of defining parental success by the outcomes in the lives of our children. Ever heard a parent say something like: "we tried everything to make Johnny stop hitting his sister, but nothing worked"? The implication is that it's our job to make our children do what is right... and that somehow that will turn them into good people. To a limited extent we can control and change our children's behaviour when they're young, but shouldn't our goal be to teach them what is right and what is wrong (including administering painful consequences, to demonstrate clearly that sin causes pain) and hope like mad that they will choose to do what is right? That sounds terrifying, but sooner or later, our children will choose for themselves, whether we like it or not, and if we spent their lives forcing them to do what's right, they may not choose the right so readily as we might hope.
We may do everything humanly possible to be good parents... and have children who grow up to make bad choices and end up in jail. On the other hand, we could be utterly selfish and yet churn out kids who become doctors who choose to give freely of their services in third-world countries. The choices our children ultimately make don't define our success (or failure) as parents. There are countless people who have risen above a horrible upbringing to become outstanding leaders. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.
Soooo, getting back to the main point, the truest definition of our success (or not) as parents, is whether (or not) we become what we should. It's whether (or not) we do what we should. It's whether (or not) we live as we should. If we are really and truly guided by the principle of loving others as ourselves and God most of all, then the question of how many serves of veges our kids have eaten today fade into insignificance. The right actions will naturally flow from the right frame of mind.
Of course, none of us will ever love our children perfectly in this lifetime, because we are still human. But if we are truly motivated to become what we should, then in the grand scheme of things - regardless of what our children choose to do with their lives - we will truly have succeeded.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Homeschooling Nuts and Bolts - Getting Started
This is for anyone who has decided to start homeschooling young children and is wondering where to start. This is not a set of instructions, but a set of suggestions, and if your child(ren) has already spent some time in school, then you may not find this helpful because our kids have never been to school. And even if your kids have never been to school either, my family is not yours, your circumstances may be very different to mine, etc, etc, yada, yada.
First thing (if you haven't already) I suggest you find out what your legal obligations are in your area. These are widely varied even within Australia, and outside of Australia, I have no idea how homeschooling works. I would advise considering carefully whether to register or not (I think every state in Australia requires some form of registration). We registered because we consider it our moral obligation (because the Bible says so) to obey the laws of the land wherever they don't contradict God's laws. In our case, in our state, we don't consider the registration requirement to go against God's laws, so we registered. Simple.
Registration here in Victoria requires signing a piece of paper that promises to teach key learning areas (KLAs) regularly and efficiently. Before you get too stuck on those words "regularly and efficiently", consider these statements: "I brush my teeth regularly (that's every day), but I also visit the dentist regularly (and that's every six months)". In other words, there's a lot of wiggle room in that word "regularly". And as for efficiently - well, by it's very nature homeschooling is much more efficient than conventional schooling. I can teach a child to read, while supervising a toddler and listening to piano and violin practise (making sure it's being done and done properly). If that's not efficient, I don't know what is!
Anyway, I do recommend you take the time to read any forms carefully before you sign. It's reasonably easy to fly under the radar while unregistered, but once you're on that government radar... well, you're there to stay. Having said that, being unregistered can make it seem like you have something to hide, which isn't always a good look. If you're in one of those states where people actually come to your home and want to see your plans and learning area, then it might be a good idea to chat to some home schoolers in your area who have already been there and done that to make sure that you're prepared.
OK, that's the boring paper stuff out of the way. What next?
Think about your priorities for your child(ren)'s education and how you can tick any government boxes you need to, while keeping the focus on the things that really matter. It's easy to get so busy ticking boxes that you lose sight of why you came here in the first place. Seriously, get those priorities fixed in your head - write them down if you need to - you may be surprised at how easily they get knocked out of place when you see or hear about what others are doing with their kids. Don't let anyone else (but God) set the agenda for your homeschool. Please!
Think long term. Discuss your goals with your husband, pray about them, read Proverbs... Think about the steps you need to take to reach the end goal (might sound obvious, but it's amazing how quickly the drive to "make the most of" an expensive curriculum or resource can erode your vision for your home) and keep taking those steps.
If you've got cash to splash around, then go ahead and splash, but if you're on a tight budget, resist the urge to buy the first thing that lots of people recommend. I bought some books (thankfully not horrendously expensive) that got lots of rave reviews - loved the first one, hated the ones that followed... really hated them! If your kids are little, there's a lot you can do with a pen, paper, and a library card.. And it's not necessarily more work than buying a curriculum.
If at all possible, look at books before you buy them, try out samples if you can, or borrow a copy from friends for a short time (if you can trust yourself - I can't, so I don't borrow). Sometimes a book that looks great falls completely flat, or turns out to be a lot more work than anticipated, because your kid doesn't "get" it.
If you can (and I know that this isn't always possible, for many reasons), teach reading first. If you have toddlers and babies to think about as well, I really recommend just teaching your school-age child to read before you do any other subjects (except, perhaps, some basic maths). If reading proves to be a real stumbling block, then obviously this won't work, but wherever possible, the sooner you have a competent reader, the sooner you have a child who can begin to work more independently. You can write out simple instructions when you have the time, rather than your child coming to you every few minutes to ask what to do next. Alternatively, if you choose your curriculum carefully, your child should be able to read and follow the directions for themselves without constant input from you. (The aim isn't no input, just for your child to start being self-directed where possible and reasonable). And in reality, you're probably covering most of the other KLAs just by living everyday life with your kids.
If you're worried about "missing" other subjects (especially if you have someone checking up on you), then with a little planning, you can incorporate other subjects into reading instruction and practice. A lot of libraries have (deadly dull and condescending...) non-fiction books for early readers. They are rarely inspiring, but if they help you "tick that box" once in a while, then so be it. Or, if you have the time and inclination, you can always write short "stories" yourself about other topics you're obliged to cover. (E.g. for Science and Art you might write "plants need sun. Plants need rain." and then get your kiddo to "illustrate" what you've written. Easy.)
So, with nearly six months till the school year begins (if you're in Australia), there's plenty of time to be planning for your adventures in homeschooling. There need not be hours of planning involved, but now is a great time to be checking out other people's resources, finding out what the laws are in your state, and setting in place whatever routines or habits will enable you to function in your first school year. It's not as hard as it sounds!
Happy homeschooling!
First thing (if you haven't already) I suggest you find out what your legal obligations are in your area. These are widely varied even within Australia, and outside of Australia, I have no idea how homeschooling works. I would advise considering carefully whether to register or not (I think every state in Australia requires some form of registration). We registered because we consider it our moral obligation (because the Bible says so) to obey the laws of the land wherever they don't contradict God's laws. In our case, in our state, we don't consider the registration requirement to go against God's laws, so we registered. Simple.
Registration here in Victoria requires signing a piece of paper that promises to teach key learning areas (KLAs) regularly and efficiently. Before you get too stuck on those words "regularly and efficiently", consider these statements: "I brush my teeth regularly (that's every day), but I also visit the dentist regularly (and that's every six months)". In other words, there's a lot of wiggle room in that word "regularly". And as for efficiently - well, by it's very nature homeschooling is much more efficient than conventional schooling. I can teach a child to read, while supervising a toddler and listening to piano and violin practise (making sure it's being done and done properly). If that's not efficient, I don't know what is!
Anyway, I do recommend you take the time to read any forms carefully before you sign. It's reasonably easy to fly under the radar while unregistered, but once you're on that government radar... well, you're there to stay. Having said that, being unregistered can make it seem like you have something to hide, which isn't always a good look. If you're in one of those states where people actually come to your home and want to see your plans and learning area, then it might be a good idea to chat to some home schoolers in your area who have already been there and done that to make sure that you're prepared.
OK, that's the boring paper stuff out of the way. What next?
Think about your priorities for your child(ren)'s education and how you can tick any government boxes you need to, while keeping the focus on the things that really matter. It's easy to get so busy ticking boxes that you lose sight of why you came here in the first place. Seriously, get those priorities fixed in your head - write them down if you need to - you may be surprised at how easily they get knocked out of place when you see or hear about what others are doing with their kids. Don't let anyone else (but God) set the agenda for your homeschool. Please!
Think long term. Discuss your goals with your husband, pray about them, read Proverbs... Think about the steps you need to take to reach the end goal (might sound obvious, but it's amazing how quickly the drive to "make the most of" an expensive curriculum or resource can erode your vision for your home) and keep taking those steps.
If you've got cash to splash around, then go ahead and splash, but if you're on a tight budget, resist the urge to buy the first thing that lots of people recommend. I bought some books (thankfully not horrendously expensive) that got lots of rave reviews - loved the first one, hated the ones that followed... really hated them! If your kids are little, there's a lot you can do with a pen, paper, and a library card.. And it's not necessarily more work than buying a curriculum.
If at all possible, look at books before you buy them, try out samples if you can, or borrow a copy from friends for a short time (if you can trust yourself - I can't, so I don't borrow). Sometimes a book that looks great falls completely flat, or turns out to be a lot more work than anticipated, because your kid doesn't "get" it.
If you can (and I know that this isn't always possible, for many reasons), teach reading first. If you have toddlers and babies to think about as well, I really recommend just teaching your school-age child to read before you do any other subjects (except, perhaps, some basic maths). If reading proves to be a real stumbling block, then obviously this won't work, but wherever possible, the sooner you have a competent reader, the sooner you have a child who can begin to work more independently. You can write out simple instructions when you have the time, rather than your child coming to you every few minutes to ask what to do next. Alternatively, if you choose your curriculum carefully, your child should be able to read and follow the directions for themselves without constant input from you. (The aim isn't no input, just for your child to start being self-directed where possible and reasonable). And in reality, you're probably covering most of the other KLAs just by living everyday life with your kids.
If you're worried about "missing" other subjects (especially if you have someone checking up on you), then with a little planning, you can incorporate other subjects into reading instruction and practice. A lot of libraries have (deadly dull and condescending...) non-fiction books for early readers. They are rarely inspiring, but if they help you "tick that box" once in a while, then so be it. Or, if you have the time and inclination, you can always write short "stories" yourself about other topics you're obliged to cover. (E.g. for Science and Art you might write "plants need sun. Plants need rain." and then get your kiddo to "illustrate" what you've written. Easy.)
So, with nearly six months till the school year begins (if you're in Australia), there's plenty of time to be planning for your adventures in homeschooling. There need not be hours of planning involved, but now is a great time to be checking out other people's resources, finding out what the laws are in your state, and setting in place whatever routines or habits will enable you to function in your first school year. It's not as hard as it sounds!
Happy homeschooling!
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