Teaching to Read Tips

It's hard to believe that I'm finally teaching my last child to read.  Thirteen years after first starting this teaching to read journey, we're finally on the home stretch.

In the process, I'm thinking about what has worked for all five girls.  Bear in mind that my experience is all with girls, so my tips may not be as applicable to boys... And, of course, every child is different, but here are a few things that might help if you're just starting.

Remember your priorities!
It's so easy to get excited about this first step in "real" schooling and to lose track of why you're doing it.  You can find yourself sacrificing the relationship with your child if you start pushing them to reach arbitrary benchmarks.  Please, please, please IGNORE all the "shoulds".  "Amy should know her letters by now."  "Children should be sounding out CVC words by this age." "Michael should be able to blend sounds at this year level." 

Keep it fun and relaxed.
There is no faster way to put a kid off reading than sitting them down for an age to read a long list of unrelated words.  Personally, I like my kids to learn to read by doing "real" reading.  We start with super short, simple stories.  For my eldest, I created stories of four short sentences.  "The cat is fat.  The cat sat on the hat.  The hat is flat."  Another method is to find easy words (repeated ones are especially good) in a favourite story and get your child to read them.  Hairy McClary stories have wonderful rich language, but they also often have a word that gets repeated a lot that a child can read.  There are many other books that you will find that may be far too hard for your child to read, but have a word or two that they can read.

Work together
There definitely comes a time when a kid needs to read on their own with NO help from you, but early on, be ready to jump in and help with difficult words or remind them of a letter sound.  Avoid shaming or impatience, just say something like: "oh, that's a quite a long word, it's "together"".  If you help them with bigger words, it means you can read books that are a little more fun and complicated.

Break it down.
No need to read a whole book in a day.  It may be a sentence, or a page, or two pages - try to stop before it gets tedious for both of you.

Model, model, model.
After my five-year-old reads a page or a story or sometimes just a sentence, I will read it to her and point out the words as we go.  It's a reward for her effort, and then she gets to focus on the story while consolidating in her brain the "look" of each word.

Give strategies along the way.
Whether it's breaking down big words into smaller pieces, or teaching the sounds that certain groups of letters make, or teaching that an exclamation mark is "loud and excited", pointing it out along the way helps make the rules stick (just try to do it at the end of a sentence or paragraph so it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story).

Be patient!
Oh boy!  This has been so hard for me.  All four other girls seem to desperately need my immediate help with something every time I sit down for a fifteen minute reading lesson with the youngest, but it's so important I don't rush through it, even when there are so many other things to do in the day.  Just tonight, Pepper (the youngest) couldn't remember the word "I".  It would be easy to lose my cool and give her a lecture about how many times she has read that word in the last few months.  But it wouldn't help.  Sometimes, what our kids do just doesn't make sense.  The read one sound in the word and then just guess the rest.  Or, as Pepper was doing, they read everything with an 'h' as 'sh'.  Or a bunch of other seemingly random and weird stuff.  Try to remember that reading is a HUGE feat for our brains!  For most of human history literacy has been the exception, not the norm.  Be patient with the process and don't assume that just because your kid reads a word TOTALLY wrong they're being rebellious or naughty, even if they read it right 500 times before.  Maybe they are, but bite your tongue, be patient and pay attention.

Read the signs.
Once again, we can get a bit excited and then push our kids to keep going for too long.  Be careful.  You don't want to burn out that precious little brain, because, believe it or not, it has a lot of other work to do as well!  If they're getting the fidgets, if they're struggling with words that were easy yesterday, if they keep losing their place, if there are tears... It might be time for a break.  Poppy hated how I used to get her to do star jumps and run around the house and all sorts of other things before reading, but it really did help her to hold the book and her head still enough to actually follow the text.  Looking back, I'm sure I could have done a lot better with her (refer to "be patient" above), but thankfully she is a very competent reader despite my mistakes!

Don't squash the sillies too soon.
Some days they'll just be silly.  Deliberately reading words wrong or... whatever.  Take a breath and don't get serious too fast.  Remember, you want your kid to have a positive association with reading.  There is no rush.  Really.  Truly.  I have a 17-year-old.  We were (mostly) very relaxed and she is perfectly well equipped for whatever she chooses to do next.  Poppy, 15, has a shelf full of neuroscience and Psychology-related books she is working through reading because she wants to be a counsellor.  She has already read books like The Brain that Changes Itself and The Decisive Moment. I was even more relaxed with Ivy, the 13-year-old and she reads faster than I do.  No, they are not unusually gifted - they're perfectly ordinary young ladies.  Let there be time for silliness.  They will still be able to get into college (if they want).  Trust me.

I know I said it already.  Remember your priorities.
Hopefully your priorities for your kids are something along the lines of a good relationship with God and a good relationship with the family.  Remember those.  Live by them.  Don't let any academic goal get in the way of those priorities.  That way, when, at some point, you encounter the inevitable obstacle, you'll know what to do.  You'll get down on your knees.

Happy teaching!

They'll (Probably) Be OK

I have a young lady in my family right now who is particularly challenging.  Actually, I have a few that are particularly challenging in their attitudes and actions.  What is really reassuring NOW is that I've been through this before.

I don't have a three-year-old any more, but I noticed that each of my girls got particularly difficult at the age of three.  The first couple of times, it was scary and I felt like a failure.  By the third time round, though, I could look at my older kids and realise that they didn't *stay* that way.

So now, with my growing-up girls, I have hope.  I'm still finding certain attitudes and behaviours very difficult to handle with wisdom and grace, but I can see the older girls are turning out OK... they haven't stayed that way

Every day that I'm thinking straight, I pray for wisdom.  I pray for God to guide me in His will, to walk in His ways.  And day after day, I struggle, but over time, I'm seeing the fruits of God working in my life in every area that I have truly submitted to Him (since I'm not perfect, there are plenty of areas that I'm still working on submitting to God!)

So, what I'm saying is, when we put *our* lives in God's hands, our kids will (probably) be OK.  Does God guarantee that they will walk with Him? No, because then there would be no free choice, but we can know that we haven't inadvertently ruined them.  When you're battling with the three-year-old, or the six-year-old or the 13-year-old, you can know that if you keep coming back to God, they will be OK... mostly... probably.  They will make their choices, and yes, some may go off the rails, but you can know that you did your best.  AND that God doesn't give up on anyone.

As my dear Nanna used to say: "it'll all turn out in the end."

It Gets Easier... And Harder... Sometimes at the Same Time

Ten years ago, life was different.  I had a newborn and a toddler and was trying to teach a five-year-old to read, while also trying to make meaningful progress teaching a seven-year-old.  I can barely remember it now.  How did I do it all?  I don't quite know.  Twelve years ago was really tough.  Starting school with a five-year-old, a pre-schooler screaming through the night with eczema, and a baby who seemed to cry all. the. time.

Mammas of littles, life does get easier.  There are the things you are probably already looking forward to being over - nappies (diapers), waking multiple times a night, needing to constantly supervise everything from bath-time to meal-time...  There are so many things that change as kids get older, it can be hard to imagine what life is like.  For me, it really is easier.  I can actually relax at a swimming pool - in fact, I don't even have to get in anymore.  I can leave at least some of the kids home on a shopping trip.  I can say, "I'm making a phone call now," and shut the door and not worry what the house will look like when I get out.

Some stuff gets harder too, especially in a big family (funny, our family doesn't seem "big" to me, but it is by western standards).  My older kids really need to be waking up early, but some days the five-year-old needs to sleep in.  That comes with complications, especially since the big kids doing the dishes don't want extra dishes several hours after they get up.  I have a teen that needs 120 hours of driving instruction.  And in six months there will be another teen in line for that.  And then another... 

My oldest girls are dealing with big decisions about their future direction and beliefs.  The very oldest is looking to me for help with getting a job and learning many skills to navigate the adult world. 

Family movie night is increasingly complicated.  There are things I *want* my big girls to see or hear that are totally inappropriate for littles.  There are deep and serious conversations that I need to have with some of my older girls on their own... but as bed-times get later, and younger ears are more tuned in to private conversation, that gets more complicated.

Some days, I really would like to hit pause.  With increasing independence, there come more opportunities for mistakes that I have to help clean up, and often those seem to come all at once.  Yesterday it was a broken guinea pig water bottle at the same time as a gate left open and goats out.  Closely followed by the neighbour's goats getting onto our property.

I'm very happy to have the baby and toddler years behind me.  I'm very, very thankful for where we are now, both in place and time.  It's definitely easier.  But some days it is harder at the same time!

Our Year of School (After 11 Years of Homeschooling)

At the beginning of last year our family took a big step.  We put our oldest two girls (16 and 14 at the time) into public school.  Every step along this journey we have prayed for God's guidance in what is best for our daughters.  It was a sudden decision, but we realized that if our older girls wanted to "try out" school, this was the time to do it. (We particularly didn't want to wait until year 12 for this experiment, since the stress would be too much!)

So, I thought I'd share what the experience has been like for our family.

First of all, the school is tiny.  Here in Australia, we just have primary school (prep to grade 6) and high school (grades 7 to 12)... except Tasmania, but that's another story!  This year 7 to 12 high school had under 200 students.  For our introverted grade 11 daughter, most of her classes were 6 to 8 students.  I think the biggest class for our grade 9 was 15 students.  This was one of the things that made us happy to try out public school for our girls.  In our previous hometown, public school was NOT an option (among other things, drugs were a significant issue in our area) - we considered a private school, but couldn't really afford it for all five girls, even just for a couple of years each.

So, what was GOOD about school for us was this:
Opportunities we couldn't provide.  Both because of government subsidies and sponsoring by community groups, our girls got to participate in camps, excursions and activities that are beyond our family to provide.  This included extensive skiing for our grade 9 (there was a cost, but nowhere near what it would have cost us ourselves), a 9-day camp in the nearby mountains with cool activities, a trip to art galleries three hours away for our grade 11 girl, sporting competitions, the opportunity to learn new sports like badminton (apart from the skiing, the costs were fully covered by sources outside our family)...  In some cases, as homeschoolers, we find ourselves limited by cost, but sometimes our limitations are logistics.  Schools are working with students all around the same age, and they have extra adults and resources available. Let's face it, managing the needs of a wide range of ages without backup people to help out is TOUGH.  It was exciting to see our girls have a chance to do things that our family just can't do.

A new set of challenges.  I have been thrilled to see my grade 11 daughter try out lino cuts and painting in art.  She has put a lot of work into her art over the years, but has mostly stuck with drawing.  Being in an art class pushed her to try some new things.  Both girls have improved enormously in their writing skill because they have been pushed by someone else.

New skills. In theory, my husband could teach our girls woodwork and metal work, but his health has been a real obstacle for many years, so it was great to see our grade 9 daughter learning these skills.  Visual Communications was another great subject for our grade 11 - she has learnt a whole bunch of technical drawing skills that neither my husband or I have.  To be honest, this had never been an area I considered exploring with her.

A wider social network.  In the beginning, our grade 9 girl loved meeting a lot more people her age and forming some friendships.  There aren't many teen homeschoolers in our area, so she had been feeling a bit isolated.

A break for Mama.  Even though my "big girls" aren't really hard work, I was surprised to find that I felt like a weight had been lifted off me this year.  I was struggling to give everyone in the family the attention they needed, and somehow having just three girls at home for most of the day helped.  I could focus my attention on the young ones in the morning, and then the older girls in the afternoon after they got home. 

So there were some really positive aspects to sending our oldest girls to school last year.  This year, though, the oldest is back at home, and our grade 10 is doing just two days a week at school.  On the flip side, especially as the year progressed, there were some challenges that affirmed that homeschooling for the most part has been the right thing for our family.

So much pressure.  In different ways, both girls felt it.  Pressure to "keep up" with class work.  Pressure to perform to a certain standard, regardless of natural ability or otherwise.  Pressure to appear to be socialising correctly.  Some teachers just couldn't accept that my eldest was happy spending some of her lunchtimes in the library... or that "collaborating" was not going to help her do better at maths. 

Homework and busywork.  Weekly Math and English worksheets were a school requirement for my year 9, but they were rarely marked and seemed to have little relationship with what was actually being learned in class.  Traditionally hands-on classes still had what I consider an unreasonable amount of written work.  The homework frequently interfered with our family life outside of school hours.

Considering all the time spent in class, they really didn't learn much.  I have been very relaxed in my approach to homeschooling (OK, so not in the very early years, but for many years now.)  We have covered the basics at a pretty relaxed pace and I have tried to focus more heavily on "fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom/knowledge" and life skills with plenty of time for interest-led reading.  Surprisingly, considering how long they spent in class, they just didn't seem to learn very much this year, apart from in Math and Chemistry.

It just got in the way sometimes. Although they're old enough to be at home on their own, I didn't like the girls to come home to an empty house.  Suddenly, I was trying to fit outings for the rest of us into an 5 hour window (considering travel time).  That was actually surprisingly restrictive quite often.  Also, trying to organize eye appointments, family holidays, and shopping for clothing got a whole lot more complicated.  They were also quite worn out at the end of a day of school, so I lost two of my best helpers at home, which in some ways put more work back on me.

School lunches. Trying to provide lunches that are nourishing AND enjoyable is so much harder when they have to spend the day in a lunchbox.  Lunch is SO much easier at home!

Socializing was hard.  Not all hard is bad, so this was an important challenge for them to face, but both girls found it difficult to spend day after day with people whose conversation revolved around technology (their phones and computer games, not useful technological advances), modern music, celebrities and gossip.  My year 9 enjoyed connecting with more people, but in the end it just got hard.

It got tiring.  By the end of the year, they were really exhausted.  It's hard to define just what it is about school that does this, but I remember being tired all the time as a teen.  Maybe it's being an introvert in such an extroverted world.  I don't know...

So, in summary, I'm really glad the girls had this experience.  We felt that God led us in this direction, just as He had led us to homeschool for all the years to this point.    There were some great experiences in it all, and we have also come to appreciate how blessed we have been to be able to homeschool for so many years.  I do look forward to a day when all our girls are making their own way in the world, but in the meantime, I feel incredibly blessed to have such an integral part in their education.  I am so thankful that we are given the time and capacity to pour the teaching of Godly values into their lives.  I hope this rather long "report" is helpful in your homeschooling journey!

Beware the "Christian" Romance

So I've been struggling to keep up with my teen girls' reading habits.  They can "consume" in a day a book that takes me weeks to read.  Even though the oldest is now sixteen, I still like to "screen" what they read, and have been hunting for good books for these girls.

In the process of this hunt, I have discovered "Christian" romance novels.  I keep reading reviews of books by authors such as Melanie Dickerson, Lynn Austin, Valerie Comer and others which assure me that their books are "clean" and "pure" with "nothing inappropriate".  I'm just glad I didn't take these reviews on face value and read some of these books before handing them over to my daughters!

Sure there aren't explicit references to genitals, nor is there crude language, but  there is an awful lot of implied physical desire that I consider inappropriate even for me as an adult, let alone my vulnerable teen girls.  It seems I am almost entirely alone in this, but I really do believe that the books that I'm finding in the Christian romance genre are liable to light a dangerous fire of desire in young women.

And so, I keep going back to the drawing board trying to find good books for my girls to read.  Many that I enjoyed in my youth are unfortunately out of print.  Gutenberg project has been a great source of books online (although just because a book was written 100 or more years ago doesn't guarantee respectability, so I skim them first), but we do like a "real" book to hold in our hands.  Our local libraries, it seem, specialise in all things zombie, vampire or otherwise completely inappropriate (apart from the few classics that we've already read) for teens, and I find it insanely difficult to find adult fiction that I'm OK with even reading myself.

Thankfully, life is about a lot more than reading!  I think the lesson in all this for me is that our family need to engage hobbies other than reading :)

Preparing For The Real World??

"We want our children to be prepared for the real world."

"Don't you think your kids need to experience the real world"

These are statements I have heard more times than I can count in discussions about the merits of public schooling versus homeschooling.  It's implied that school is "the real world" and homeschooling is some kind of utopian virtual reality.

I would like to question the idea that school is representative of "the real world", even the secular "real world".  Where do adults experience being in such close proximity to twenty or more adults of almost exactly the same age for hours a day with all breaks scripted by a bell?  Where do adults experience having to ask permission to leave their workplace for a toilet break?  Where do adults need to raise their hand in order to speak to their boss?  Where do adults need permission from their boss to speak to their colleagues during working hours?  

On the other hand, while homeschooling, my children experience everyday activities that I rarely experienced as a child -  grocery shopping, meal preparation, house cleaning and more.  They also interact regularly with people of all ages in our community.  Something that I rarely experienced as a child.  My daughters have milked goats, raised chickens and slaughtered sheep.  They have also made phone calls to organize buying animals from strangers.  How is this considered less real than the life of a classroom?

For some school serves a purpose.  For some that purpose may be mostly worthwhile.  But please, let us stop this pretence that the purpose of school is to prepare children for the real world.

Not Why We Homeschool

For some time I've wanted to correct a misconception.

It seems that many people believe that homeschoolers - especially religious homeschoolers - are "sheltering" their children from an evil world.  For our family, as for many, many others, this is not why we homeschool.

Yes, at the very beginning we started out of (partly legitimate) fear.  We started from a fear that our children would be bullied and supressed as my husband and I were.  While I think it is fair and reasonable and even desirable to protect small children from some of the abuses that can occur in school (especially in a drug-infested, violent community such as we lived in), that is not why we homeschool.

We don't homeschool to protect and shelter our children, but to equip them.  Yes, one day they will encounter the "real world" and they will need to be ready for it, but it doesn't follow that throwing them into it will prepare them for it.  Would you send your five-year-old son to a brothel to prepare him to resist the temptation of porn?  You don't prepare for a marathon by running one, you prepare first by training for it.

Subjecting our children to immorality at an early age does not prepare them to resist it as adults.

However, that's not my main point.  We are homeschooling our children to give us time to instill in them the values that are truly valuable.  We are equipping them to face a world hostile to our beliefs by teaching them those beliefs day in and day out.  This is hard, and I certainly don't do as good a job at this as I would like.  I also appreciate that many families send their kids to school and diligently train their children in Godly, Biblical values.  I admire anyone who can do that.

It has been through much prayer and seeking guidance that we have concluded that really, the only sensible way our family can adequately and effectively equip our girls for the world they will one day face head-on is by homeschooling them.

I have sometimes heard the experiences of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah (more commonly remembered by their Babylonian names of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego) in Babylon compared to the experiences of Christian children in schools.  There is a big difference.  These young men were taken into captivity as teens or young adults.  They were not children, and they were not sent there by their parents!

Coming back to where I started, we are not trying to shield our children from a hostile world, but to prepare them to face it with courage and confidence. We are taking this time while they are young to teach them Biblical values and truth, and to help them to see the hand of God in the world around them.  Even now, as our older girls reach the end of that time, they are gradually experiencing more of the world at large.  If we were trying to shield them from pain, suffering and antagonism, we have failed.  They have all experienced hard things - some very hard things - at home, at church, and in the world at large.  Sometimes the hardest things have been the closest to home.

Avoiding pain is not why we homeschool.  Equipping our girls to rise above pain and grow from it is why we homeschool.

Life As School

Since I'm meant to be keeping records of our schooling anyway, I'm thinking this blog might be a good vehicle for it.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty relaxed, but some learning has still been happening.  Cinnamon taught Pepper to use the swing.  We've been harvesting zucchini, beans and apricots together as well as collecting eggs.  Cinnamon and Pepper have been learning about the different varieties of beans we have, and in the last weeks they've learned a lot about animal husbandry and animal behaviour as we raise a batch of chicks.

It's been amazing to see how the behaviour of our chickens have changed while they've been raising chicks.

The older girls have worked hard on their vege patch which has made good progress

This second photo is a couple of weeks old - I hope to take another one soon.  We had strong winds that left Poppy despairing over her precious plants, but God answered her prayers and they survived against the odds.

Kayaking on the dam has been a great activity for the hot summer days.  Oh, and we learnt a lot about bees when we had a bee colony removed from under our verandah (I haven't included photos of that since they have other people in them)

And *finally* the girls are starting to be willing to play for other people, and Poppy is even *requesting* "family band" (admittedly partly because I let her off piano practice which she doesn't love) - something which used to be a *huge* battle with all of them.  Cinnamon can keep up with her sisters for a couple of pieces, and the older three play Pachelbel's Cannon (according to a somewhat biased Mummy) beautifully.  Welcome to our homeschooling year.  May I do better at keeping records this year!

A Day In The Life

Some days, being a homeschooling Mum feels like having several jobs all at once.  I can be on my feet the whole day... and then get to the end of the day, look around the house and wonder what I've been doing all day.  So here's one glimpse of a day - as much for me (to remind me that I am actually doing stuff!) as anyone else.

My morning started with our littlest person climbing into bed with me.  I don't know what time it was, but early, because it was still dark.  I'll call her Pepper, because she adds a real spice to our lives :)  I didn't sleep much after that, but finally dragged myself out of bed at 7.30.  I'm trying to get up earlier in the morning, but it's a battle - especially when I do something dumb like stay up late watching a movie like I did last night.

ANYway, I turned on the oven to warm up breakfast (rice pudding, sweetened with dates and a little rapadura), rounded up the chickens which had escaped their pen (regular morning occurrence), let out the guinea pigs, then spent 45 minutes in prayer and meditation before Pepper woke up again and came to me for snuggles. The next hour was taken up with serving and eating breakfast and reading bible, interspersed with putting on a load of laundry (someone I won't name had wet the bed), discussing plans for Marigold (the oldest) to play hymns at church in two weeks, helping Poppy (our flamboyant yet fragile second-born) with Fur Elise on the piano, and helping everyone choose their chores from the job list for the day (when I'm organised, I write out a list of jobs for the day on a small whiteboard and each of the oldest three chooses three or four jobs - depending how big the jobs are).

By 10.30, after supervising Maths for Cinnamon (4th daughter) and Poppy, while advising Ivy (our tenacious and determined middle child) on how to prepare "twice-baked potatoes" and ensuring that Pepper finished her breakfast, I felt sleepy enough to go back to bed (but didn't!). I'd also given Cinnamon her pocket money for the month, and went through how much a tithe is and how to divide up the remainder between spending and saving.  Oh, and put some of Ivy's money in her savings account at her request.

After that I brought in a load of laundry and hung out the new load, trying to make the process a mini workout by squatting to take each item out of the laundry basket.  In the middle of hanging out the laundry, I heard the squawking of chickens, so went to collect the first eggs for the day.  Meanwhile the girls were taking turns with piano and violin practice and Marigold and Poppy were taking turns using "their" laptop for their daily touch typing practice (copying out the book of Deuteronomy bit by bit).  They also wrote out their scripture copywork.  Thankfully today Cinnamon's was up to scratch - I've had to get her to rewrite it quite a few other days because she has been so sloppy.

Sometime after that Marigold asked me what my expectations were for cleaning the shower and bath, so I walked her through that, then helped Ivy with her maths since it was a new concept today - multiplying fractions.  In between all this, there were a few trips outside with the buckets from the kitchen and laundry sink (I collect the water we use for rinsing dishes and washing hands to water pot plants).  I gave Cinnamon her jobs, including putting away her laundry. Meanwhile I checked the peach tree for ripe peaches and brought in some water for drinking from the rainwater tank, on the way discovering a tomato that had been eaten by a blackbird. Somewhere in there Marigold completed her "chicken welfare" course on Coursera (much to our relief - an inordinate amount of course time was devoted to ways and means of killing chickens - not quite what we were expecting).

In the midst of the morning, there were several discipline issues I had to deal with with Pepper. Lunchtime snuck up on us and it was time to feed Pepper.  After lunch Poppy read to Pepper in preparation for her nap, while I hunted for a protractor... after Marigold told me she couldn't work out how to measure angles with the compass I'd given her (when she first asked for a protractor, I gave her a compass, and being the kind of child she is, she struggled for a good ten or fifteen minutes trying to work out how on earth she could measure an angle with it before almost losing it).

Meanwhile, Poppy was scrambling to finish her "list" for the day, since she's been waiting all week for a chance to watch a movie with her sisters, and Pepper's nap time is my preferred time for this. We like to keep Pepper's screen time to an absolute minimum. Poppy handed me her notebook so I could read her "history writing" - she wrote a few lines about Diet Eman, author of the book "Things We Couldn't Say", which I have been sporadically reading aloud for several months. (I don't have the stomach to read it aloud often, since it is a biographical account, including time that Diet spent in concentration camps for her work in the Dutch resistance during WW2).

By 3.00 while the girls watched Fiddler On The Roof, I was writing this while eating far too many macaroons (made by Marigold several days ago - they were a bit of a flop, but still thoroughly edible).  I just collected the fourth egg of the day...  I took a break from writing to bring in dry laundry, make the bed that had been wet, collect and "can" some more peaches and prepare dinner (slow cooked marinated meat and salad with tomatoes fresh from the garden)...

By 4.00 Pepper had woken up and wanted some Mummy play time before she joined her sisters to watch the last of Fiddler on the Roof. I checked out a documentary on living on $1 a day to put on for the girls some time in the future, then had some discussion with Marigold and Poppy about Jews and Russia, prompted by Fiddler on the Roof.

I read a letter from the camp director at Marigold and Poppy's church summer camp - I really appreciate that he writes a letter to the parents each year summarizing the topics discussed in their Christian Living classes.

After dinner the Raamonster rang from his work four hours away and we chatted about the day and plans for the weekend and holidays later in the hear, after he had chatted to Marigold and Ivy (Poppy, Cinnamon and Pepper had each had their turns earlier in the week). I had some play time with Pepper, and now here I am, finishing this off and just about ready to go to bed.  I'm amazed at how much of a blur the day behind me already is! This is a mostly true account, but maybe not completely accurate in timing.  I haven't written about every detail of the day - that would be too boring even for me, but I think it gives a reasonably honest snapshot.  Maybe I'll write another in a year, just to keep track of how my life changes.  Maybe...

A Way That Seems Right

We live in a world where tragedy and brutality abound, despite so many people truly desiring peace.  How is that?  Why is it that even ordinary "nice" people can be complicit in the murder of the friends and neighbours in the massacres that echo disturbingly throughout history?  Jews beaten to death in wartime Germany and her allies.  Babies left to die alone in Rwanda.  Children enslaved and tortured after being sold by their own parents all over the world...

The answer, as always, is in God's word. A single, divinely inspired sentence sums up the truth:

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." Proverbs 14:12

Down through history, wars, massacres and genocides have started with a bunch of people - nice people, passionate people, even kind people - doing what seemed right to them.

This is where suffering comes from, and this is why we need a saviour.  Not a politician or philosopher or revolutionary, but The Saviour, Jesus Christ.  May He come quickly!

Four Things I Don't Want to Tell You

While I've written before that homeschooling is not who I am, it still shapes a big part of my life.  If you're a homeschooler - even the most radical unschooler - I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.

There are many things that I do because my children aren't sitting in a traditional classroom in a traditional school.  Some are awesome (like asking one of the kids to prepare dinner and then walking away), some are survival instincts (like locking my bedroom door when I'm on the phone).  There are also many things I don't do because my kid aren't in a traditional classroom.  Some I don't miss at all (like sitting in school traffic).  Others...  Well, that's kind of what this post is about.

Whether you're a homeschooler or not, there are some conversations that I long to have with all my heart, but I'm held back by the things I don't want to tell you.  Except today I'm putting it out there so if others are feeling this way and also don't know how to explain to anyone, maybe you'll feel a teeny tiny bit of support from across cyber space.

1) I don't want to tell you I feel utterly inadequate. Almost. Every. Day.
I don't make it to Mums-only evenings very often and I'm wary of having this conversation with my kids around (remember, they're pretty much there 24/7).  I remember what I used to do at school.  And my kids aren't doing it.  Mostly it's because we don't want them to, but as the days, months and years slip away, I start to wonder if my kids should be churning out reams of (pointless) writing like I used to.  Am I too easy on them? Am I too hard on them?  Do we do enough academics?  Do I give them enough individual attention?  The list of questions goes on. And on.  And on.  But if I tell you this, you might politely suggest (you'll say it with your face, even if you don't with your words) that I could just send my children to the professionals.  And there is no tactful way to answer that.  What I think of the current education system is becoming less and less... tolerant.  I'm pretty sure you'll be offended if I respond truthfully, because deep down I probably think you're kids shouldn't be in the system either.

2) I don't want to tell you I feel overwhelmed.
The pressure of being fully responsible for the well being of five other humans beings, day in and day out can be brutal. When I really tackle those feelings honestly, I realize that part of this is pride and arrogance.  God's grace covers a multitude of my sins, mistakes and inadequacies.  For which I'm eternally grateful.  But once in a while I would like to have a "normal" conversation about this feeling of being overwhelmed.  However, you may be tempted again to give that "obvious" answer (send them to school), and I may offend in response.

3) I don't want to tell you I'm exhausted.
If your kids go to school, you may not realize just how much work five kids being at home every day is.  They go to the toilet here.  Not at school.  They sharpen their pencils here. Not at school.  All our learning resources are here.  Not at school.  And I don't have a janitor.  Like a school does.  Thankfully, our girls do a lot around the house.  They are pretty good at cleaning up after themselves.  But sometimes, when Poppy needs help with her Maths, and Ivy with her piano practice, Cinnamon wants to show me where she's up to in her book, Pepper needs to use the toilet and Marigold is already in there... Yep.  I'm exhausted.  But I don't want to tell you, because you can't possibly understand why I would choose to do this to myself... After all, if I just sent the kids to school...

4) I don't want to tell you I'm lonely.
Because I have people all around me all day every day.  We're building awesome family relationships.  How can I possibly feel so desperately lonely?  I don't want to tell you because you're probably thinking if it's so hard, well, I should just stop.  But I'm not going to stop unless God brings me to that point.  And so I'm lonely, because for the most part, I'm doing this alone.  I've got some awesome encouraging friends who I love and appreciate more than I can express.  But the opportunities to deeply connect with them in the midst of everything else are extremely rare.  Connecting with other adults while on this parenting/homeschooling journey is difficult in ways I can't even begin to express in words. And so I just don't want to tell you about it.

And yet, for all those hard bits, I am truly, awesomely thankful that I get to take this amazing journey through life with the Raamonster and our five little flowers (although some of them are getting so big now, they're practically going to seed :)).  There is a lot of hard.  But I'm pretty sure I've said before, hard is not bad.  It's just hard.  The feelings of inadequacy and overwhelmth and exhaustion and loneliness are all opportunities for growth.  I'm trying to make sure that I actually grow, by the grace of God.

We Won't Be Keeping Christmas

I've never celebrated Christmas.  To most people, not observing a day that has become an integral part of our culture seems ... strange, especially in a professing Christian. 

But most people now know about the pagan origins of Christmas, right?  Most people know that Christmas didn't start with Jesus Christ.  Many have the mistaken idea that they can borrow a pagan festival, put Christ's name in it, and it's all good.  But does the Bible endorse pagan festivals?  Does the Bible say that anything with Christ's name on it is good... no matter what the "thing" is?  God did get pretty angry at the Israelites when they started observing pagan festivals and borrowing pagan customs - why would we think He has changed?  Would Jesus Christ have encouraged His followers to celebrate His birth on Christmas day?

If we truly want to worship God the Father and Jesus Christ, we need to do so in "Spirit and Truth", acknowledging that GOD alone is the author of Truth.  If it's not His Truth, it's not truth at all.

There are many more things I could say, but someone else has already said it, better here.

Gray and Not Ashamed

"Your hair is silver on top and brown on the bottom, " a little girl at church observed a couple of days ago.  Yup, it won't be many more hair cuts before I'm gray all over (although "silver" sounds nicer!).

"I wish I had your courage," said a lady twice my age, "but it [gray hair] doesn't suit me, you see."  To which I say (in my head) something along the lines of "Pfffft, whatever."

Seriously, though, at less than forty, it's not easy to let nature take its course, especially when I get asked if my children are my grandchildren!  Gray hair is way more alternative than eating organic or cloth nappies.  I don't actually set out to be weird and different, but this is something I feel really strongly about.  I'm not "having a go" at what other people choose to do with their hair, but I'd like to free other women my age (and a lot older) from feeling like they have to maintain an illusion of youth by covering up gray hair. 

The Bible says:

The glory of young men is their strength,
And the splendor of old men is their gray head. (Proverbs 20:29)

and 

The silver-haired head is a crown of glory,
If it is found in the way of righteousness. (Proverbs 16:31)

In other words, the natural aging process is not something to be ashamed of or hidden.  If God thinks gray hair can be awesome, who are we to argue?  (On the other hand, an elderly person who has gained no wisdom in their lifetime and continually makes foolish decisions has to be one of the saddest people on the planet.)

I'm choosing not to cover up the physical aging process.  I'll do my best to stay fit and healthy so I can best serve my family and community, but rather than hide behind colour from a bottle, I'm trying to make sure my character growth keeps up with my graying hair.  May my "silver-haired head" be found in the "way of righteousness"!

Is Carbon Dioxide Really The Problem?

The climate change discussion brings me to tears.  Literally.  I'm probably not going where you think I am with this, so please read on.

What causes me pain is not the conflict about who or what causes changing climate conditions, although the older I get the more I hate conflict.  What hurts is all the things that aren't being said.  Things like: what really matters is not the planet we are living on, but all the other people who are living here with us.  Things like: the choices we make impact other people around us - near and far - and every. single. one. of those people matters. An actual human being, possibly a child, is making the fabulous "eco friendly" (ahem) stuff, which may well be full of toxic chemicals in order to make it energy-saving.  That person matters.  Things like: any decision we make that costs a piece of someone else's life or livelihood is wrong, whether the byproduct is carbon dioxide or ... something else toxic.

I hate how the terms "eco friendly" and "carbon offset" and "energy efficient" have become marketing tools that play on our guilt about hurting the planet... while people are suffering.  Is carbon dioxide really the problem when coal-fired power plants pump out all kinds of poisons other than carbon dioxide into the air and farm run-off and industrial byproducts pollute our waterways?  How about we just learn to live with less stuff?  How about we learn to be a little less comfortable?  How about we stop buying "conveniences" that poison the men, women, and children making them?  If we focus simply on trying not to hurt other people with our selfish indulgences, then I'm 99% sure we would cut carbon dioxide emissions down a heap.  On the other hand, if we simply try to cut down carbon dioxide emissions a heap, I'm pretty sure we'll still hurt a whole bunch of other human beings with our selfish indulgences.

Yep, there are a whole bunch of fingers here pointing straight back at me.  I've gone round in circles trying to buy the "right" stuff, when really, I just need to buy less of it.  Even (gulp) books. 

I try to buy local.  I try to walk instead of drive.  We have solar (although I'm not convinced that it's that awesome - how much energy goes into making those solar cells (shipped from overseas, by the way), and what toxic byproducts result from the process?)  But in the end, my decisions need to be based on how my life is impacting others as a whole.  Am I living a life of greed and self-indulgence?  Or am I trying to give in a meaningful way, wherever and whenever I can?  If the value of my life becomes all about my carbon footprint, then I'm missing a whole lot of other important stuff.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I'm convinced that what this world needs is not merely for peoples' behaviour to change, but for their hearts to change.  Without a change of heart in all the people of the world, the climate situation is hopeless.  And to be honest, I just can't see that the biggest problem this world has (to put it overly simplisticly) is the temperature.  Children all over the world (even prosperous western nations) are being abused, exploited and trafficked in ways that defy belief.  Unborn children are being cut into pieces inside their own mothers' wombs at the consent of their own mothers... to the extent that the annihilation of the unborn is booming business.  The poorest and most vulnerable people of the world are being manipulated into gambling away the little they have for the profit of big investors.  Somehow I can't see how prolonging the "life" of the earth should be a priority over these crimes against humanity.

When my husband looked into "ethical investments" they were all focused on companies that were "environmentally friendly".  My blood boils to think that apparently so few people care about the impact of their investments on actual human beings - an "ethical" investment may exploit children and the poor, but at least it leaves a small carbon footprint?  Seriously?!

I guess you can probably tell I'm angry and sad.  More than anything, the sad wins.  I ache for the change that Jesus Christ alone can bring.  In the meantime, I'm striving to live my life in a way that gives others a tiny glimpse of just what that change will mean.  This is not about a philosophical question of who or what controls the weather and how (and by the way, in the end, I'm convinced that God has way more power than we puny human beings have the arrogance to credit ourselves with):  this is about what's more important to me - God's people or my stuff?

Mind Your Manners!

Our oldest three girls have been away  with grandparents for the weekend, so the Raamonster and I have been home with just Baby.  Over those few days we've noticed that we still have to remind her to say please and thank you.

So, we're giving her a bit more encouragement to say them without being reminded by saying "no" to any request not accompanied by a "please", or taking things away when she forgets to say "thank you".  This seems to be rectifying the problem very quickly... and with minimal conflict.

In the process, I'm finding I'm paying more attention to how I speak to her.  Generally these kinds of situations highlight the fact that I'm not setting the example that I should.  Thankfully, I'm actually finding that the habit that I established very early in my days of parenting has stuck.  I do say please and thank you... Unfortunately, on the other hand, I often find myself using a tone of voice bordering on whining when the girls haven't been listening to me.  Not such a good habit!

Anyway, thinking about all this has reminded me of the importance of treating our children as people from day one.  Yes, as a parent I am in authority and they need to learn to do what I ask.  BUT, as the adult, I need to set the standard of respect for their personhood.  My kids have less authority, but they are not of less value than me as people.  How I speak to them sends a message every day about their value as people.  Now you may be thinking that saying "please" and "thank you" confuses children because they think you are making a suggestion or that a request is optional.  I have a simple solution - if there is a delayed reaction, I simply say (but still hopefully in a kind voice) "that's an instruction, not a request" (even very young children soon learn what that means!).

There are times when a firmer tone of voice or less polite wording is warranted, but overall I think the big thing us parents need to remember is that we're in charge of our children, we are responsible for their well-being, but we are not more important than them... And so, as a loving example to them, we need to mind our manners.

(Not) Back To School - The First Week

The learning that happens out of school hours :)

This week has been the beginning of our "formal" school year.  Over the summer we keep up a bit of routine with continuing music practice and copywork as well as morning Bible reading, which is a permanent fixture no matter where we are and what we're doing (with the very occasional exception).  That way going "back to school" doesn't seem like such a painful transition.

For the last couple of years, I have written out a list of school work and chores for each day of the week on an index card, with a column for each week so they can tick off each thing as it's done.  Handwriting these takes quite a bit of time - it would be way quicker to print something out - but I quite enjoy the process.  More recently, I've started writing the things I'm not so sure about in pencil, so if something is too much or I want to change the order, I can just erase stuff and move it around.  Activities like Bible and music practice are down in pen because they won't change in a hurry.

Every day includes prayer and individual and family Bible reading, hymn singing (although this happens not-quite-daily since it depends on if I feel up to playing the accompaniment.  Theoretically, we sing the same hymn every day for a week so we learn it really well), piano and violin practice, scripture copywork (the same scripture every day for a week, which means the scripture is memorised by the end of the week), and Calculadder (a maths drill). Oh, and I'm also trying this term to do a little bit of German each day to give the girls a little more exposure - I'm making that a part of our lunchtime routine.  We managed four days out of five this week, which is a pretty good start!

Monday started pretty gently - I had family shopping and cooking down on the lists, but decided to ditch the shopping for this week, since it wasn't necessary.  And rather than preparing a whole meal together, I just had everyone cutting up peaches from our tree for stewing, so that didn't take long.

Monday is also the day I have scheduled to give each of the three older girls a piano lesson.  Setting a time for each of them on a set day means that the piano lessons actually happen each week.  Before I set aside that time, they just weren't happening consistently and daily practice tended to fall by the wayside as well.  For our family music is as important as maths and english.  Our girls all have some natural talent; the Raamonster and I both play musical instruments and enjoy singing and making up our own songs - and so we see this as a way our family can serve others.  For that reason, we put a lot of time and effort into music practice.

I try to "attach" group learning activities to lunch time.  This helps me to stay organised and is the easiest way to have everyone together in one place without interrupting individual work.  Monday's group learning is some kind of history reading.  This week we started "God's Dangerous Book", which is all about the Bible's history.  The beginning is a bit dry, but hopefully it will get more interesting...    Each of the girls had a bit of extra maths to work on on Monday.  Singapore for Miss Curie (still working her way through book 5A), timestables for Angelina, and a grade one workbook from Kmart for the Chatterbox.  I also got Miss Curie to write a little about what we read at lunchtime in her history notebook.

Tuesday, on top of the daily activities and some extra chores the older two did Singapore Math, Chatterbox had a logic worksheet (recognising patterns, I think it was).  The older two also did a short English activity to supplement the IEW course we were working on at the end of last year - choosing adjectives and adverbs to insert into short sentences.  Miss Curie started on "Exploring Creation With General Science" (Apologia) and I read a chapter from "God's Design For Plants" at lunch time.  I'm planning for General Science to take two years, rather than one!  I had prepared a shelf in the "school cupboard" in the big girls' bedroom with the materials for most of the experiments for this term, which means Miss Curie can work on that pretty independently (but her sisters are enjoying watching the experiments, which is great for them, too).  That evening we watched a couple of segments of Dave Ramsey's "Foundations in Personal Finance" course on DVD with the Raamonster.  This is excellent so far - interesting and engaging for all ages and easily understandable.

Wednesday after the morning Bible reading and hymn singing was "band" practice.  I've decided to let the girls off piano practice that day and I guide them in playing pieceson violin all together.  There are a couple of simple pieces they all play together, and then the older two are working on a couple of duets (Amazing Grace, which they worked out themselves and Minuet by Bach from their Suzuki book).  Then there was Singapore Math for the older two, another logic worksheet for chatterbox.  More of the General Science for Miss Curie; a small segment of Queen Homeschool's "Learning How to Learn" for Angelina; and a sewing lesson for each of the girls after lunch (yes, even "Baby").

Thursday on top of the daily stuff and additional chores they each had a little bit of English to do.  This is my trickiest subject, since there's not one resource I'm entirely happy with, so we're mixing it up between the Queen Homeschool Language lessons for the older girls, a grade one workbook and her own writing (which she does a lot of) for the Chatterbox, a bit of IEW and some extra bits and pieces that I come up with.  Miss Curie has also started on "Vocabulary Vine" which is a course on some of the most common Latin and Greek roots.  We'll see how we go with that one - I don't want to overload her, but am trying to step up the expectations a bit as she gets older... hopefully without losing sight of life's greatest priorities!

Friday is a bit lighter-on with school work to allow ample time for Sabbath preparation (we observe the seventh-day Sabbath, because that's what Jesus did).  Miss Curie did some Life of Fred, but for the other girls their schedules are just the daily tasks mentioned at the beginning of this post.  Sabbath preparation means getting clothes ready for church, helping out with meals and making afternoon tea for church if I need it, and generally getting the house into an extra state of cleanness for the following day.  Generally this means  that Friday afternoons are a bit more relaxed than other days... in theory, anyway!

SO, that was our "official" school week, but there was plenty of unofficial learning happening as well.  Angelina is reading through the Little House on the Prairie series and we're having lots of discussions related to that.  There have been several "tea parties", with Angelina presiding over tea-making and other preparations.  Miss Curie made brownies today and we've made fresh cheese several times from the raw milk we've been buying from a family farm...  Then we've had discussions about why I can use just baking soda without cream of tartar when I use the whey from the cheese to make pancakes and scones (surprisingly the Chatterbox worked that one out!)

Thankfully, with their lists and a fairly predictable routine, the oldest three girls can work reasonably independently, which allows me time with "Baby" (who really needs a new name!).  She loves to help me with cooking stuff, so I try to include her as much as I can in what I'm doing.  Plus I'm starting to give her more little jobs around the house.  The fact that the older girls are good at working on their own means that I can give the time and attention to training up "Baby" in those little jobs.

Over this term, I'm trying to encourage Miss Curie and Angelina to work on some sort of project that they choose for themselves.  At the moment Angelina is inclined towards working on her drawing, and Miss Curie is keen to further develop her cooking skills...  You may notice that I don't include any traditional "Art" in our schedule.  That's because I don't need to!  All my girls love to draw, paint, sculpt and craft without any prompting from me, and that tends to happen a lot in their spare time.

So overall, it's been a good week.  I'm really excited as the girls are getting older and they can be setting a path towards their own unique futures.

Homeschoolers Don't Do School Well

After a number of years (nearly six now!) of homeschooling and meeting many families new to this adventure, I've learned something (at last! :))  Homeschoolers don't do school well.  Some are smart enough to never try, but many flounder, sometimes for years, wondering why nothing seems to be "working" and why they feel so burnt out.

Before you throw anything at me, I'm not saying that homeschoolers don't educate their children well.  There are many sterling examples of incredible young adults who have been thoroughly and successfully educated at home, by their own parents.  But seriously, I am yet to see a homeschooler do "school at home" well.

You see, despite the fact that we have taken our children out of school - hopefully for very good reasons, not on a whim! - many of us then try to emulate the school environment at home.  We often bring (or keep) our children home to nurture our relationships and celebrate their individuality, only to stuff them into hard chairs at desks with workbooks designed for a mass-produced education.

I'm not criticizing workbooks or desks - they have a legitimate place in many families, but I am criticizing a mass-produced education at home.  Why would we go to all the effort of copying the schools we don't want to send our children to?  Why do we worry so much about our kids "keeping up" when deep down we know very well that - unless we are downright neglectful - they wouldn't be "keeping up" any better at school than they are at home... When we know deep down that only 49% of children can be "above average" in any given area... When we know deep down that lots of kids "fall through the cracks" in the school system, but if we're paying any attention, we can't possibly not notice that a child isn't reading or doesn't "get" numbers, and so we'll work with them in a way and with an intensity that couldn't happen in a classroom, unless the teacher chose to ignore 19 or more other little people.

Sure, there will be lots of stuff our kids don't learn from us, but that will (hopefully) be either because there is a disability that would have stopped them from learning it at school anyway, OR because it's just not important enough right now (and if it's important later, they can always learn it later - our kids brains don't stop learning the moment they turn 18 or leave home!)

If we don't "believe in" school - why do we keep trying to copy it?  Why aren't we bolder when relatives and friends "test" our kids or question our methods?  Instead of trying to prove that we're "keeping up", why don't we explain that we're not sending our kids to school because we don't believe in it?

We're (most of us, anyway) homeschooling because we want to give our kids an entirely different kind of education, right?  We can't possibly successfully (and cheerfully) squeeze school as school is school in around the physical responsibilities of being a mother.  We can incorporate a valuable and value-filled education into every day life.

Our kids may never speak educationese, but they will be able to communicate with real people in real life.  Our kids may never find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, but they will learn that stealing is wrong.  Our kids may never participate in a school sports carnival, but will that permanently cripple them?  Their first test may be the learner driver test, but does that mean they haven't learned anything in the meantime?

This is not about picking on schools. Plenty of great people have come out of the school system.  This is about the fact that school is school and home is home and we don't have to be the same to educate our children.

Schools are expected to prepare kids for almost every possible scenario.  As parents, we can begin to see from an early age that there are some things our children won't become, so we don't need to "allow for" those possibilities.  I can say with 99% confidence that my three oldest girls won't become... lots of things - there a zillion possibilities I don't need to "allow for", so I get to concentrate more energy on their strengths and interests (that doesn't mean we neglect areas of weakness, just that we don't need to obsess over them - we can slow down and take our time to learn thoroughly, rather than worrying about "keeping up").

We have the freedom to be different - let's embrace it!

What Shall We Read?

If you're anything like me, with several insatiable young readers in the household, finding appropriate books can be a mammoth task.

I guess I'm pretty conservative when it comes to kid's reading material.  As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says - that you become what you think.  And what better way to think about something than to read about it?  Of course, even the Bible itself has stories of immorality and even downright depravity, but they are set in the context of morality.  The Bible describes the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah, and then the penalty for that sin - their complete destruction.

I find helping my girls choose good books to be a minefield.  There is a lot of rubbish out there.  Amongst it, there are a few gems (very few written recently, in my opinion).  Meanwhile their  "appetite" for reading is huge, and there just don't seem to be enough good books to fill that chasm.  And I can't keep up in "censoring" the books before they read them. So sometimes I compromise.  And sometimes they have to read the same book 10 times.  And sometimes I tell them to go find something else to do.  After all, reading isn't some kind of virtue.  It's useful, it's enjoyable (for our family anyway), and in some cases (such as reading the Bible) it's really, really important.  But really, there are other things to learn and do as well, and sometimes reading can be a lazy and self-indulgent pleasure, rather than a helpful, uplifting and inspiring past-time.

Anyway, after all that, I thought I would share some of our family favourites.

What Katy Did by Susan Coolidge
I just love this book.  It probably doesn't rate as great "literature", but it is such a beautiful story of a girl learning many valuable lessons through a painful trial.  The characters are wonderfully human, but are trying to be "good".

Heidi by Johanna Spyri
Heidi is a lovely, warm-hearted little orphan who brings joy into her Grandfather's life, but also has to suffer some difficult trials and being terrible misunderstood.  (I don't know if other Johanna Spyri books are in print, but I've also enjoyed reading Erik and Sally and Cornelli, which I downloaded from the Gutenberg project website.)

Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter
I love Pollyanna's attitude to life - she is positive and friendly, but not flippant.  She too has to go through a very challenging time that tests her own philosophy on life.

Pigeon Pie by Charlotte Yonge
This is a story about the English Civil War which was both educational and an enjoyable family read.  A little girl's quick temper and tongue get her family into serious trouble.

Children of the New Forrest by Captain Marryat
Another story about the English Civil War.  Four children of a nobleman pretend to be the grandchildren of a Forrester and have to learn to survive in the New Forrest where they are living.  I picked up our version at an op shop and it's abridged, but I'm not sure what is missing.  It doesn't seem to have been overly simplified like some abridged editions.

Hayslope Grange: A Tale of the Civil War by Emma Leslie
And another story of the Civil war.  A young nobleman is cast off by his family because he joins the "rebel" cause. (A little on the melodramatic side at times :))

A Little Maid of Old Maine by Alice Turner Curtis
Based on a true story of a young girl whose heroic actions helped save her settlement at the beginning of the American Revolutionary War.  This author has also written a bunch of other books.  We accessed all of these on the Gutenberg project website.

My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George
A boy runs away from his crowded home to live in the wilderness, fending for himself.

The Story of the Treasure Seekers by E. Nesbit
(We also loved the movie of her book, The Railway Children - I have the book on the shelf, but haven't read it yet).  A beautiful and touching story of a family of well-intentioned but mischievous children on a quest to earn money for their family.  (Oh, and we also enjoyed the movie of Five Children and It.  The five children find a "sand fairy" who grants their wishes with disastrous results.  I'm not "into" magic books, but since this doesn't really promote magic, but has some good lessons, I was happy with it.)

Deepwater by Judith O'Neill
A story of a small Victorian (Australian) farming community during the first world war and the prejudice against Germans at the time.

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
No, I don't normally allow my girls to read about witches, but I appreciated the Christian allegory in this book, and it's a lot of fun to read.  Four children enter the land of Naria through a wardrobe and learn a lot about themselves in the process.

There are many more books that we have enjoyed together and hope to enjoy in the future... I hope to add to this list with time.

If This Doesn't Pass

Today is a good day to write this - a subject that has been on my mind for years now.  I feel rotten today - probably food poisoning.  It feels like my intestines are being tied up in knots and my whole body wants to collapse in on itself.  I'm pretty confident right now that this will pass in a day or two.  A few years ago, though, I felt like this and it didn't pass so quickly.  For weeks - I'm not sure exactly how long - I felt like this.  It was long enough for me to start wondering if this was a permanent condition, but short enough that I didn't take it to the medical profession (I tend to resist going to doctors).

"This too shall pass" is a popular saying to share with those who are suffering.  For many, it's a source of true comfort.  But what if "this" - whatever it is - doesn't pass?  There have been times in my life when it would have been more comforting for someone to say to me: "don't worry, one day you'll die".  The prospect of death was much more reassuring than that of a life with less (whether physical, emotional or spiritual) pain.  I should qualify that by saying that the comfort of death lies in the promise of eternal life to come afterward.  I wouldn't find it so inviting if it was the final end to everything.

What if, for the forseeable future - perhaps even the rest of a lifetime - "this" won't pass?  Some problems actually just get bigger and older with time.  Pain isn't so bad if it's just for a day, but if it goes on and on unrelenting, then what?  And sometimes, we can flippantly throw someone that phrase "this too shall pass" with no understanding of what is really under the pain they are experiencing.  What people complain about is not necessarily what's really hurting.  It's a lot easier to talk about the flu or a difficult colleague at work than it is to explain an abused childhood (I'm deliberately using an example that doesn't apply to me).

What I personally find comforting is not simply the hope of a trial or challenge coming to an end in this lifetime, but knowing that behind every pain, God has a purpose and a plan.  I try to ask myself (have I said this before?) "what am I learning?"  Because, you know what?  I want this pain to be proactive!  If I'm hurting, I want it to achieve something!  I don't want to just be hanging around waiting for the hard stuff to be over and done with so I can get to the good stuff.  I can't get to the good stuff unless I learn from the hard stuff.

I don't tend to ask others in pain "what are you learning from this?" because I figure it's likely to come across as pretty insensitive and arrogant.  But I probably won't say "this too shall pass" either.  It might not pass.  This might be part of the rest of your physical life.  But God has a purpose and a plan. Do we want in on it or not?  Excuse me while I go and study. :)

What We Should

"With great power comes great responsibility."  Remember that saying from Spiderman? (Now there's a movie I plan never to watch again.)  Well.  It's true, isn't it?  And true of being a parent.  As parents we have enormous power, and most of us take the responsibilty that goes with it very seriously.

We wonder whether we should make our children practise their music, or let them decide.  We ask ourselves whether swimming lessons or ball sports are more important.  We agonise over the perfect balance between innocence and being aware of potential dangers in the world around them.  We argue back and forth among ourselves over food, screen time, independence, safety, attachment, breastfeeding - in fact, every imaginable facet of parenting becomes subject to a squillion conflicting "rules" dictated to befuddled parents by a myriad of "experts".

Once again, though, we are asking ourselves the Wrong Questions.  There is no one authoratitative resource which defines the ideal diet, the perfect balance of extracurricular activities and the exact formula for screen time.  In its own unique way, though, the Bible tells us exactly what we should do.  The big, central question for every parent, is exactly the same as the big, central question for every human being: "what should I become?" (And, of course, there are a whole bunch of other questions that go along with that, but - interestingly - "should we have pizza for dinner tonight?" is not one of them.)

Being a good parent is all about being a good person.  And being a good person is comprehensively defined by the Bible.  It starts with realising you can't actually be a good person without God working in your life, front and centre.  And then there are a whole pile of principles that apply to every human relationship - including the parent-child relationship.  God's definition of Love in 1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start.

Let me digress a little.  We have a bad habit of defining parental success by the outcomes in the lives of our children.  Ever heard a parent say something like: "we tried everything to make Johnny stop hitting his sister, but nothing worked"?  The implication is that it's our job to make our children do what is right... and that somehow that will turn them into good people.  To a limited extent we can control and change our children's behaviour when they're young, but shouldn't our goal be to teach them what is right and what is wrong (including administering painful consequences, to demonstrate clearly that sin causes pain) and hope like mad that they will choose to do what is right?  That sounds terrifying, but sooner or later, our children will choose for themselves, whether we like it or not, and if we spent their lives forcing them to do what's right, they may not choose the right so readily as we might hope.

We may do everything humanly possible to be good parents... and have children who grow up to make bad choices and end up in jail.  On the other hand, we could be utterly selfish and yet churn out kids who become doctors who choose to give freely of their services in third-world countries.  The choices our children ultimately make don't define our success (or failure) as parents.  There are countless people who have risen above a horrible upbringing to become outstanding leaders.  Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.

Soooo, getting back to the main point, the truest definition of our success (or not) as parents, is whether (or not) we become what we should.  It's whether (or not) we do what we should.  It's whether (or not) we live as we should.  If we are really and truly guided by the principle of loving others as ourselves and God most of all, then the question of how many serves of veges our kids have eaten today fade into insignificance.  The right actions will naturally flow from the right frame of mind.

Of course, none of us will ever love our children perfectly in this lifetime, because we are still human.  But if we are truly motivated to become what we should, then in the grand scheme of things - regardless of what our children choose to do with their lives - we will truly have succeeded.