Homeschoolers Don't Do School Well

After a number of years (nearly six now!) of homeschooling and meeting many families new to this adventure, I've learned something (at last! :))  Homeschoolers don't do school well.  Some are smart enough to never try, but many flounder, sometimes for years, wondering why nothing seems to be "working" and why they feel so burnt out.

Before you throw anything at me, I'm not saying that homeschoolers don't educate their children well.  There are many sterling examples of incredible young adults who have been thoroughly and successfully educated at home, by their own parents.  But seriously, I am yet to see a homeschooler do "school at home" well.

You see, despite the fact that we have taken our children out of school - hopefully for very good reasons, not on a whim! - many of us then try to emulate the school environment at home.  We often bring (or keep) our children home to nurture our relationships and celebrate their individuality, only to stuff them into hard chairs at desks with workbooks designed for a mass-produced education.

I'm not criticizing workbooks or desks - they have a legitimate place in many families, but I am criticizing a mass-produced education at home.  Why would we go to all the effort of copying the schools we don't want to send our children to?  Why do we worry so much about our kids "keeping up" when deep down we know very well that - unless we are downright neglectful - they wouldn't be "keeping up" any better at school than they are at home... When we know deep down that only 49% of children can be "above average" in any given area... When we know deep down that lots of kids "fall through the cracks" in the school system, but if we're paying any attention, we can't possibly not notice that a child isn't reading or doesn't "get" numbers, and so we'll work with them in a way and with an intensity that couldn't happen in a classroom, unless the teacher chose to ignore 19 or more other little people.

Sure, there will be lots of stuff our kids don't learn from us, but that will (hopefully) be either because there is a disability that would have stopped them from learning it at school anyway, OR because it's just not important enough right now (and if it's important later, they can always learn it later - our kids brains don't stop learning the moment they turn 18 or leave home!)

If we don't "believe in" school - why do we keep trying to copy it?  Why aren't we bolder when relatives and friends "test" our kids or question our methods?  Instead of trying to prove that we're "keeping up", why don't we explain that we're not sending our kids to school because we don't believe in it?

We're (most of us, anyway) homeschooling because we want to give our kids an entirely different kind of education, right?  We can't possibly successfully (and cheerfully) squeeze school as school is school in around the physical responsibilities of being a mother.  We can incorporate a valuable and value-filled education into every day life.

Our kids may never speak educationese, but they will be able to communicate with real people in real life.  Our kids may never find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar, but they will learn that stealing is wrong.  Our kids may never participate in a school sports carnival, but will that permanently cripple them?  Their first test may be the learner driver test, but does that mean they haven't learned anything in the meantime?

This is not about picking on schools. Plenty of great people have come out of the school system.  This is about the fact that school is school and home is home and we don't have to be the same to educate our children.

Schools are expected to prepare kids for almost every possible scenario.  As parents, we can begin to see from an early age that there are some things our children won't become, so we don't need to "allow for" those possibilities.  I can say with 99% confidence that my three oldest girls won't become... lots of things - there a zillion possibilities I don't need to "allow for", so I get to concentrate more energy on their strengths and interests (that doesn't mean we neglect areas of weakness, just that we don't need to obsess over them - we can slow down and take our time to learn thoroughly, rather than worrying about "keeping up").

We have the freedom to be different - let's embrace it!

Homeschooling Nuts and Bolts - Getting Started

This is for anyone who has decided to start homeschooling young children and is wondering where to start.  This is not a set of instructions, but a set of suggestions, and if your child(ren) has already spent some time in school, then you may not find this helpful because our kids have never been to school.  And even if your kids have never been to school either, my family is not yours, your circumstances may be very different to mine, etc, etc, yada, yada.

First thing (if you haven't already) I suggest you find out what your legal obligations are in your area.  These are widely varied even within Australia, and outside of Australia, I have no idea how homeschooling works.  I would advise considering carefully whether to register or not (I think every state in Australia requires some form of registration).  We registered because we consider it our moral obligation (because the Bible says so) to obey the laws of the land wherever they don't contradict God's laws.  In our case, in our state, we don't consider the registration requirement to go against God's laws, so we registered.  Simple.

Registration here in Victoria requires signing a piece of paper that promises to teach key learning areas (KLAs) regularly and efficiently.   Before you get too stuck on those words "regularly and efficiently", consider these statements:  "I brush my teeth regularly (that's every day), but I also visit the dentist regularly (and that's every six months)".  In other words, there's a lot of wiggle room in that word "regularly".  And as for efficiently - well, by it's very nature homeschooling is much more efficient than conventional schooling. I can teach a child to read, while supervising a toddler and listening to piano and violin practise (making sure it's being done and done properly).  If that's not efficient, I don't know what is!

Anyway, I do recommend you take the time to read any forms carefully before you sign.  It's reasonably easy to fly under the radar while unregistered, but once you're on that government radar... well, you're there to stay.  Having said that, being unregistered can make it seem like you have something to hide, which isn't always a good look. If you're in one of those states where people actually come to your home and want to see your plans and learning area, then it might be a good idea to chat to some home schoolers in your area who have already been there and done that to make sure that you're prepared.

OK, that's the boring paper stuff out of the way.  What next?

Think about your priorities for your child(ren)'s education and how you can tick any government boxes you need to, while keeping the focus on the things that really matter.  It's easy to get so busy ticking boxes that you lose sight of why you came here in the first place.  Seriously, get those priorities fixed in your head - write them down if you need to - you may be surprised at how easily they get knocked out of place when you see or hear about what others are doing with their kids.  Don't let anyone else (but God) set the agenda for your homeschool.  Please!

Think long term.  Discuss your goals with your husband, pray about them, read Proverbs... Think about the steps you need to take to reach the end goal (might sound obvious, but it's amazing how quickly the drive to "make the most of" an expensive curriculum or resource can erode your vision for your home) and keep taking those steps.

If you've got cash to splash around, then go ahead and splash, but if you're on a tight budget, resist the urge to buy the first thing that lots of people recommend.  I bought some books (thankfully not horrendously expensive) that got lots of rave reviews - loved the first one, hated the ones that followed... really hated them!  If your kids are little, there's a lot you can do with a pen, paper, and a library card..  And it's not necessarily more work than buying a curriculum.

If at all possible, look at books before you buy them, try out samples if you can, or borrow a copy from friends for a short time (if you can trust yourself - I can't, so I don't borrow).  Sometimes a book that looks great falls completely flat, or turns out to be a lot more work than anticipated, because your kid doesn't "get" it.

If you can (and I know that this isn't always possible, for many reasons), teach reading first.  If you have toddlers and babies to think about as well, I really recommend just teaching your school-age child to read before you do any other subjects (except, perhaps, some basic maths).  If reading proves to be a real stumbling block, then obviously this won't work, but wherever possible, the sooner you have a competent reader, the sooner you have a child who can begin to work more independently.  You can write out simple instructions when you have the time, rather than your child coming to you every few minutes to ask what to do next.  Alternatively, if you choose your curriculum carefully, your child should be able to read and follow the directions for themselves without constant input from you. (The aim isn't no input, just for your child to start being self-directed where possible and reasonable).  And in reality, you're probably covering most of the other KLAs just by living everyday life with your kids.

If you're worried about "missing" other subjects (especially if you have someone checking up on you), then with a little planning, you can incorporate other subjects into reading instruction and practice.  A lot of libraries have (deadly dull and condescending...) non-fiction books for early readers.  They are rarely inspiring, but if they help you "tick that box" once in a while, then so be it.  Or, if you have the time and inclination, you can always write short "stories" yourself about other topics you're obliged to cover. (E.g. for Science and Art you might write "plants need sun.  Plants need rain." and then get your kiddo to "illustrate" what you've written. Easy.)

So, with nearly six months till the school year begins (if you're in Australia), there's plenty of time to be planning for your adventures in homeschooling.  There need not be hours of planning involved, but now is a great time to be checking out other people's resources, finding out what the laws are in your state, and setting in place whatever routines or habits will enable you to function in your first school year.  It's not as hard as it sounds!

Happy homeschooling!

The Wrong Question

We ask it a lot, we hear it a lot, we think it even when we don't ask it.  It's the secret fear of homeschooling mothers the world over "am I doing enough?"

But see, that's the wrong question.  While we worry about checkboxes and "essential" learning and what other people think of us when they meet our children, other, much bigger questions loom in the background.

What are they absorbing?  What are the values in the air we breath?  In the words we speak when we're not thinking? In the things we do when we think no one is looking?

Is there any chance that our children's bad habits - the ones that bug and embarrass us - actually represent our silent curriculum.  No, I'm not saying that every bad or annoying thing your child does is all your fault - I'm sure they came up with one or two things all by themselves...

What needs to change in this home where we "do" school?  I can tell you, a lot of things need to change in this home.  Some I already know, many - somewhat depressingly - will emerge over the coming years.  I need to stop whinging (I wonder where the kids got that from?).  I need to call a moratorium on negativity and learn to really and truly speak the truth in love.  I need to spend less time on selfish, time-wasting pursuits (such as mindlessly surfing internet shopping sites for the perfect... whatever) and invest myself much more in relationships... including the really tough ones.  I need to stop turning my back on the things that I don't want to see and face up to ugly realities - like, my children aren't perfect.

Really guys, if we ask the right questions and seek to answer them with action, the rest will fall into place.  We will do "enough", and not only that, we'll do enough of the right things. We'll bypass all the fluff because we'll see it for what it really is.

Here's the challenge: do we have the courage to start honestly asking the right questions?

When They Ask Why

It's a perennial frustration of homeschoolers around the world - the seemingly endless questions about qualifications (ours), socialization (our kids' - though perhaps we should be asked about our socialization!), stress (how will we manage?), learning to cope with the "real" world... the list goes on (and on, and on...)

It can be hard to respond graciously when almost-strangers start interrogating you with the apparent intent of leaving no stone unturned.

I'm incredibly fortunate to have a very supportive family, including among those who have decided to send their own kids to school. For a lot of homeschoolers, family gatherings can be a battleground to prove their worth as both parents and teachers. I'm not going to pretend that I have any idea what that's really like, because I haven't experienced it first-hand, so I know I don't.

I do have some experience with being asked all kinds of questions by mere acquaintances, and I thought I'd share how I "cope". (The most interesting question I've ever had was: "do you find that easier, then?" Which was asked on two different occasions - several years apart - by the same person!)

Here are my tips for keeping your cool when questioned (feel free to add to the list!):

1) Believe the best you can about the questioner. Try not to assume that your integrity and sanity is being questioned. Many people are really just curious or genuinely interested, even if they do rub you up the wrong way.

2) Don't set out to prove yourself. While we may feel compelled to convince others that we are doing a good job, it can come across as a put-down to other parents if we start rabbiting on about all the fabulous things we and our kids are doing (subtly implying that they aren't doing such a great job). Conversations (and friendships) are likely to go down-hill from there.

3) Feel free to change the subject. If it's getting uncomfortable, encourage the other person to talk about positive things that their kids are doing.

4) Seek to understand. If someone seems hostile, maybe it's worth getting to the bottom of that hostility. More than likely it's not about you at all, but maybe there's something bothering them that they need to talk about (without feeling like your thinking, "well if you'd just take your kids out of school...").

5) Don't be afraid to admit you don't have all the answers. Who likes a know-it-all, anyway? Being arrogant (yep, seriously guilty of that one here) really doesn't help anything (okay, so that's completely obvious, I know - I guess I'm writing that for myself more than anyone else!).

6) Be honest! I tell people about my bad days too. Homeschooling isn't the answer to every problem the earth has ever seen, and others may get a little annoyed (to say the least) if we give that impression.

7) Be willing to walk away. Okay, so there will be a few people out there who just want to cut you down to make themselves feel better about their own choices (nothing to do with homeschooling and everything to do with insecurity) - when you meet one of them, it's best to find a way to walk away politely, but as soon as possible.

8) Above all, remember why you are here. Before and beyond homeschooling, I am a follower of Christ, and I want people to know that any good they see in my life is not a result of a magical homeschooling formula, but rather, that it is by the grace of God.

God bless your journey, wherever it takes you!

There is No Cure

Let's be honest with ourselves: there is no cure for bad parenting moments.

The one absolute guarantee of being a parent is that we will stuff up. Sometimes in a really big way. There is no cure. Homeschooling will not cure parents or children of miscommunication, impatience, frustration, or any of the other myriad of relationship enemies every parent and child must face at times.

Nor will sending kids to school shield them from the bad influence of our anger, laziness, selfishness... or in fact any of our character weaknesses.

Let me repeat myself: there is no cure for bad parenting moments. We will damage our children - whether we keep them at home within the loving embrace of family life... or whether we send them out as intrepid voyagers into the big, wide world.

So often we fool ourselves with the idea that there is a formula that will give our children the perfect lives... That if we send them to the right schools (or don't send them to school), control every aspect of their lives (or give them the freedom to discover the world for themselves), etc, etc, that somehow they will turn out "right".

The problem with all the formulae ever devised is that we are imperfect and our children have free will.

Of course there are good ways and bad ways of parenting. Beating children into cowering submission is unlikely to yield a happy result. On the other hand, letting them "express themselves" through tantrums and whining is equally unlikely to bring about success.

If our value as human being is tied up in how our kids "turn out" we are headed for disaster and confusion. A child may become an outstanding citizen despite being brought up by the most horrible and vindictive people on the planet. Or a child may become a cruel psychopath, despite being brought up in a loving but demanding home. To believe that we can control the outcome of our children's lives is to deny our humanity and theirs.

Being effective as parents is about being effective as people. If we live with integrity and honesty, we give our kids the best (although not the only) chance of doing the same. If we live by double-standards in a me-first world, we make it difficult (although not impossible) for our children to walk a path of integrity.

Being a parent is simply about being a person. And there is no cure for that.

Remember Your Reasons

At some point in our lives we all have to face up to some big decisions. It's easy to reach a crossroads and panic because the "right" direction doesn't seem clear. If there is something that I've learned in the last few years, it's the importance of why I am doing what I'm doing.

Why am I at this place in my life? Did I get here by "flying by the seat of my pants", or was there a purpose when I started on this journey?

We first considered homeschooling because The Raamonster and I both had very bad school experiences. By the time we actually started homeschooling it was because we wanted to protect our kids from bad influences. Now we continue to homeschool because we want to instill real values in our children and train them up in growing their strengths and overcoming their weaknesses in a way that honours God. Prayerful consideration of God's purpose for our lives has led us to believe that homeschooling is the best way to do this right now.

There are many days when I wake up wondering if I shouldn't just send the kids to school. It seems easier. I feel like I would have so much more freedom to pursue my dreams. But what are my flimsy dreams worth if I don't do my very best work of being a servant of God, wife and mother? Exactly nothing.

There are days when I read or hear about how other families homeschool and I suddenly feel utterly inadequate and wonder if I should be teaching Latin, or Sign Language, or if we should do more sport. Then I remember my reasons for being in this place. They are nothing to do with creating child prodigies, they are nothing to do with the Education Department's arbitrary schedule of learning and they are nothing to do with "keeping up" with everyone else.

If my reasons were to keep our children in line with what they would learn in the school system, then I'm way off track. If my reasons were to "get ahead" so they can "compete" with their peers to get the best available jobs when they grow up, then I'm going in the wrong direction. If my reasons were to prove to the world that home educated children are "normal", then I've failed dismally. If my reasons were to prove to the world what a competent - and in fact outstanding - mother I am, then I really need to go find myself an audience that is interested.

I keep reminding myself of our reasons. We homeschool so we can nurture our children like tender young plants. As I have discovered recently, chucking seeds in the ground and leaving them to themselves is not a very successful way of gardening. A "survival of the fittest" approach is not satisfactory unless I want to eat only pigweed, nettles and borage for the rest of my life. Without protection, precious seedlings are rapidly destroyed by slugs, snails, earwigs, chickens, sparrows... the list goes on. Likewise, we homeschool because we aren't prepared to just ... chuck our children out in the world and see what happens (I'm not having a go that people who send their kids to school - just reflecting on what the consequences of going to school are likely to be for our own children at their age). For others, perhaps choosing a particular school or getting actively involved in the school is their way of nurturing and protecting those tender little plants.

The important thing is the why. If our goals for our children are centred on academic success (e.g. we choose a school based on Naplan test scores or our homeschool timetable is focused on "getting things done"), we shouldn't be disappointed when Susie has trouble making friends. She has simply adopted our standards. If our goals for our children are based on being "normal" (e.g. we let them watch a questionable program because it's what every kid watches), we shouldn't be surprised when Michael is disrespectful and disdains our values ... because that's what every kid does.

Whatever path you choose for your family, I would urge you - when a crisis hits - remember your reasons. Remember how you got here in the first place. It won't necessarily mean that you won't choose a new direction, but if you do choose a new direction it won't be just because you got scared. Or just because you got tired. Or just because you got frustrated. It will be because the new path will actually take you where you want to go.

Juggling Chainsaws

Toddlers are hard work. Some more so than others. Trying to homeschool older children while keeping a toddler safely occupied and running a household is a mammoth task. For some more than for others.

There are many wonderful suggestions for dealing with toddlers and preschoolers while homeschooling, but for many of us they are simply unrealistic. Some are too expensive, some too messy, some rely on resources, space or storage that many of us don't have. Some (dare I say it) come from mothers who actually weren't homeschooling when their youngest were toddlers. And some rely on having the kind of child who will not scream and try to claw their way out of any kind of restraint. The kind of child who has the fine motor control and intelligence necessary to plug in appliances and turn them on. The kind of child who has the strength of will of a pit-bull. The kind of child who, when sent outside, will eat dirt and then bring some inside to scatter randomly throughout the house.

This is not a cop-out - I'm not throwing up my hands and giving up on making any effort at reining in the toddler. She is being taught, step by step, what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. However, this process takes precious time and energy, and while she is learning these lessons, there is a lot of chaos. Even with the very best of efforts (and I'll be the first to admit, that I often don't put in my best effort, to my shame), there is no quick fix for a strong-willed toddler - no magic potion for ensuring that the older kids get a fair share of Mum's attention.

Such children, of course, need to be discipled (I use that word deliberately, because I'm talking about more than simply punishing for bad behaviour). That process, of necessity, takes time away from the teaching of older children.

Several months ago, our family watched a street performer juggling chainsaws. That image, for me, represents my life at the moment. No, this isn't the cue to send the older kids to school. Our reasons for homeschooling them remain as strong as ever. I just have to keep slogging away, keep doing my job as God leads me, regardless of how hard it gets. Right is never impossible. As long as I stick close to God, He will enable me to throw the necessary mountains into the sea. He will equip me to juggle chainsaws.

Homeschooling - It's Not Who We Are

I've been intrigued a couple of times recently when people I barely know - and to whom I didn't think I'd ever mentioned homeschooling - have asked about how I'm going teaching the girls... Intrigued, and, in a funny way, slightly troubled.

See, homeschooling is something we do, but I would hate anyone to think that it's who we are. I don't want my identity in the world at large to be encapsulated by the phrase "homeschooling mother of four".

I believe that homeschooling is best for my children, but it's not something I believe in. I hope that the defining feature of my life is my belief that the God Who created the universe has an awesome plan for every man, woman and child on the planet.

I home educate our precious daughters because the education establishment (and to be honest, I believe this is true of christian schools as well) is completely at odds with our beliefs and values - because "out there" our children would be told that they need to accept all belief systems as equally valuable... which kinda doesn't work. The God of the Bible most definitely doesn't tolerate competitors. (If I had created the universe I certainly wouldn't want a statue getting the credit for my work!)

I love having the opportunity to educate "our" girls at home and teach them Biblical values, but homeschooling isn't who we are - it's what we do because of who we are.

Starting now...

Starting now, my life is going to be organized. Well, that's the idea, anyway! DD5 (aka The Spanner) is going to 'start' school at home next year and I have all sorts of grand plans floating around in my head.

The idea is that this blog is going to be the beginning of a little family business. Not to make money, but more to teach the girls all sorts of useful things like diligence, maths, managing money - just to name a few.

Of course, the number one goal for this family is to be heading for God's kingdom, and I have to keep reminding myself of that when I start to think about all the brilliant things I can teach The Spanner before she even turns six. Character has to be the top priority for all of us - especially The Mummy.

Thus begins the homeschooling journey of The Mummy, The Spanner, The Messie, and The Yabbie (so named until I come up with better nicknames) with The Daddy playing an essential supporting role.