Why Are They Leaving (and does it matter)?

I recently watched an online "movie" called Divided about youth ministry in christian churches. It has ignited some passionate debate - to the point that I would like to respond both to the claims made in Divided (you can find it here) and to the resulting discussion about what makes people of all ages leave their former faith.

One of the statements throughout the movie was that youth group/sunday school is not supported in scriptures. Ephesians 6 is quoted where it says fathers should "bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord". Christ explicitly told His disciples not to add to or take away from the scriptures. To use Ephesians 6 as an argument against youth groups is adding to what the scripture says (something Jesus warned against). It doesn't say "fathers teach your children and whatever you do, make sure no one else teaches them without you present at all times."

Proverbs 11:14 says that "in a multitude of counselors there is safety". Shouldn't we encourage our young people to be willing to listen to a multitude of counselors then? In Acts 17 verses 10-12 the Bereans were noted as searching the scriptures daily to "find out whether these things were so". Is it not a valuable (Biblical) principle to encourage our young people to search the scriptures to find out whether what we (their parents) teach them is true? Youth ministries may be one avenue to do this. What's more, in Titus 2 verses 3-5 the older women were instructed to teach the younger women. In verse 6 of the same chapter, Titus was told to "exhort the young men". Here is possibly a biblical model for separate groups. In Galatians it also instructs those who are spiritual to point straying brothers and sisters back to the right path... without saying "but, by the way, don't do it if they are under 18 and their parents are in the church, because then it's their parents' job".

So no, the bible does not give a command against teaching separate groups, and you might even argue that it advocates it. As someone already commented, this is a case of Christian liberty.

As for young people leaving the church, my experience was growing up in a church with a large group of first generation Christians my parents' age. When I was young and the church was immature, there was a widespread culture (unspoken) that parents were perfect. They did not admit to mistakes and there was sadly too much value placed on image. The long-term result is that (after a major split) there are many of my parents' generation left, but very few of my generation. You see, we grew up and discovered that being an adult didn't make us perfect. In time, disillusionment and disenchantment set in for many.

While our actions will never earn us salvation, they are an expression of our salvation - if (as someone on the Divided movie said in other words) we truly appreciate Christ's sacrifice and what it means for us, our lives will be ones of change (as "faith without works is dead" - James 2:14-26). When addressing the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3, John kept saying "to him who overcomes". The book of James tells us to "lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness". Jesus told us that if we love Him we are to keep His commandments and since Jesus was that same I AM as spoke to the Israelites in the wilderness (He told the Pharisees, "before Abraham, I AM"), that means the commandments of the Old Testament as well as the New. This is the narrow and difficult path that leads to Eternal life that Jesus was speaking about.

If we teach our kids that Christianity is about being instead of becoming - that it is a place, not a pathway - then we are selling them short. The proof of a changed heart is a changed life - whether they stay in "the church" or leave, if their lives don't become a living sacrifice, then they are Christians in word only. Having a bunch of warm seats at the end of a church service is not a demonstration of "success" in preaching the gospel. In fact, Jesus predicted that the world for the most part would reject the truth... but that is not the end of God's plan as so many believe!

There is another major problem with mainstream Christianity, that is nothing to do with numbers of people entering or leaving. (If you do not want to be challenged, if you don't want to reconsider what the Bible actually says, please don't read on, because you will only be angered by what I have to say.)

The doctrines of heaven and hell are unbiblical. The Bible says that Jesus was "firstborn from the dead" (obviously others had been resurrected to physical life before, but He was the first resurrected to a Spirit body). That means no one before Jesus "went to heaven" - not Moses, not Abraham, not King David. Moreover, it is "at the last trumpet in the twinkling of an eye" that the dead in Christ will rise. As for hell, the "wages of sin is death" (not burning in eternal torment, or any other form of living unhappily for eternity). "Hell" usually means the grave. "The gift of God is Eternal life" ... not something we already have, and certainly not His gift to the incorrigible wicked.

On top of that, the book of Revelation speaks of a time when "the rest of the dead" will rise - those who have not had an opportunity to truly know God in this life. Ezekiel prophesied about a physical resurrection of the people of Israel (Ezekiel 37). Isaiah is full of prophecies of a time when all nations will learn about God, but first our great Adversary will be imprisoned, no longer able to influence mankind, as explained in Revelation 12.

If you take the Bible as a whole and read it carefully, you will find that God's plan is far more comprehensive than the popular doctrines of mainstream Christianity. God has not neglected or forgotten the many - living and dead - who never had the opportunity to truly understand (or in many cases, even hear) the gospel. God has not left the salvation of billions of disadvantaged men, women and children in the hands of His followers. While He has given us a commission to preach that gospel throughout the world, He hasn't so thoroughly failed humanity that the majority still miss out on hearing and believing the truth.

I have merely skimmed the surface of this topic, but if you would like to read more about it, there are a number of free booklets that cover heaven, hell, life after death and God's plan in much more depth.

Grace Is Not A Rubbish Bin

I often hear Christians talk about grace. Sadly, there are times when it seems to be brought up as a justification for doing the wrong thing. While grace does cover our sins, I think we Christians must take care not to use grace as an excuse for all our downfalls or a license to carry on our lives, unchanging.

Grace is not a rubbish bin for us to put in a corner and throw all of our spiritual garbage into. Nor is it a magic lamp that will exempt us from the consequences of our mistakes. Grace is a beautiful gift from the Creator Himself which deserves a place of honour in our homes. It is not the "too-hard-basket" where we put all the things that need to change, but require a lot of hard work. Rather, the magnitude and preciousness of this gift should drive us to grow spiritually far beyond what we would be humanly capable of.

Too often, by our words or actions, we can find ourselves treating Christ's perfect and immeasurable sacrifice with contempt. Grace deserves a place on the mantelpiece, not under the kitchen sink.

Guilt and Getting Over Ourselves

I have a confession to make - I don't read Chatterbox three books a day. Some days I don't even read her one! Shhh - don't tell Mem Fox, will you?

This post has been rolling around in my head for ages. I forgot to put the bread in the oven earlier, so now, while I'm up waiting for the bread to cook, I figured I might as well spit it out.

Mem Fox is not the only person out there with great ideas about Stuff You Should Do With Your Kids. And don't get me wrong, I'm all for reading to children. I'm also all for singing to them, and teaching them a language, and getting them out in the garden, and taking them for walks, and cooking with them, and teaching them table manners, and early potty training (or, even better, elimination communication), and extended breast-feeding, and large families, and praying together, and eating meals together, and teaching them to work, and teaching them to manage money from a young age, and teaching them to swim, and getting them involved in team sports, and in serving the community as a family... Need I go on? Do you start to see where I'm going with this?

I have days when I get really weighed down with guilt over all the worthwhile things that I'm not doing with my kids on a regular basis. Let me examine what that guilt is really about. Do I believe that early potty training will have a long-lasting benefit on my child's character and emotional well-being? No. Do I believe that stopping breast-feeding two weeks before Chatterbox turned two is going to substantially limit her potential? No. Do I believe that my children will all drown in the bathtub if they don't learn to swim by the age of eight? No. Do I believe that my children will grow up unable to interact with others if they are not involved in team sports and community service right now? No. If I analyse all those points above, I find the answers are much the same.

So why do I feel guilty? Oh, hang on, it's not really guilt at all, is it? I'm worried about my IMAGE. I want my kids to make ME look good to others! Someone out there is going to think that I've failed because I gave up breastfeeding Miss Curie when she was only thirteen months old. Someone out there will think I'm totally slack for bumming around at home instead of taking the kids swimming. Someone out there will be disgusted that Angelina can't catch a ball. Someone out there will think that I'm doing something really wrong when Chatterbox chucks a wobbly in the supermarket.

WOAH! Back up there! Doesn't it mean my discipline is failing if my kids misbehave? Not necessarily - it means they're human and sometimes think "I want that shiny stuff and I'm gonna get it, and hang the consequences". More or less.

Side note here - I am NOT a perfect parent. I've got lots that needs to change. My discipline DOES often fail. But my kids' behaviour at any given moment is not a barometer of my success or failure as a parent.

I'm not writing this post because I ascribe to the "I'm OK, you're OK, we're all OK" philosophy. NO WAY! Quite the opposite, in fact. It is SO not OK for me to base my parenting decisions on how they make ME look. I need to get over myself. Whatever I do, I'm going to look bad to someone. My decisions as a parent need to be based on solid biblical principles. I need to do what's right because it's what GOD wants and what will build CHARACTER in my children, not because it will make me look good.

The bible is surprisingly devoid of statements along the lines of "thou shalt engage thy child in 4.5 hours of extracurricular activities per week" This "deficit" of specific intstructions doesn't take away from my responsibility as a parent. It adds to my responsibility. I have to make a judgement based on biblical principles as to what are the greatest needs in the lives of my children.

A couple of years ago now we started down the road of trying to track down the cause of Angelina's eczema. In retrospect I would have to say that the harder I tried to fix it, the worse it got. In retrospect, I would also have to say that my search for answers was triggered by FEAR of what other people would think of me if I did "nothing". Looking back I think some of the dietary restrictions exacerbated the problem, possibly due to - *gulp* - malnutrition. I'm not intending to launch into a medical analysis, but that experience was a disturbing example of me putting my personal image ahead of true righteousness and truly responsible parenting.

I guess I don't mind after all if you tell Mem Fox I don't read Chatterbox three books a day. I reckon she'll understand anyway, but even if she doesn't, that's not my problem. Now I'd better be a responsible parent and go to bed so I'm ready to greet Chatterbox with a smile at 6am tomorrow morning.

Stand Up For The TRUTH, Otherwise, Stand Down

Being a mother is a very emotional journey. In my experience, it is made even more emotional and tumultuous by the many highly-charged opinions fired from all directions regarding pretty much every aspect of parenting. We mamas have tremendous power to hurt each other when we fling our emotional baggage at each other.

Don't get me wrong, I believe absolutely in standing up for the truth. What I'm coming to realise is how careful I need to be in defining something as right. Do my beliefs stand up to being tested against the Word of God? Am I giving unsolicited advice from my own overactive brain, or is it grounded in Truth? Yeah, that's right, truth with a capital 'T'.

Let me give an example: I am against immunisation. Why? I believe that trusting the inadequate (immunisations are not guaranteed 100% effective) defenses against disease, manufactured by inadequate human beings, is expressing a lack of faith in God and His supreme design. Hang on, what does the bible say? "Thou shalt not immunise thy children"? Nope. "Thou shalt completely trust in God to heal or prevent every illness or injury without outside intervention"? Nope. I'm still against immunisation, so what's my conclusion?

My conclusion is this: if someone wants my opinion on immunisation, I will give it - VERY carefully and gently (at least, I'll try - after all, I'm not going to get it right every time). If it comes to disagreement, I may challenge other people's views if it is appropriate. If it gets emotional, that's where I'll stand down. That seems like a pretty simple formula, it's the implementation that will be the challenge.

I could give lots of other examples, but I won't. It's so easy for me to hop up on my soapbox and expound on, well, just about anything really, but I really think it's important to stop and think. Oftentimes I'm fuelled by pride. I want to prove without any shadow of a doubt that what I'M doing with MY children is right. Well, here's a wake-up call - it is a 100% guarantee that I'm doing a whole bunch of things WRONG because I'm human, not God!

So here's my plan: before I launch into lecture #3856 on The Correct Method of Parenting, I'm going to ask myself, "Is this God's Truth, or is it my truth?" And then, I'm either going to stand up for the Truth, or I'm going to stand down.