Joyful Mornings

They Learn What You Teach Them (Even when you don't think you're teaching them anything)

2012-02-17T01:26:00.001-08:00

I had an "aha" moment the other day. I suddenly had a profound realisation of how deeply we influence our children when we're just... living.

It was watching my oldest daughter cuddle up to her great-grandmother on her bed in the nursing home. She was stroking "Oma's" arm and gazing lovingly at her. It was a beautiful moment - especially when I realised that sometimes we parents (by the grace of God) get something right when raising our children.

I was wondering why this oldest daughter of mine is so affectionate towards the elderly. One of her favourite parts of a recent trip up to Queensland with her grandparents was the time she spent with a senior friend of the family. As I was pondering, I suddenly remembered that for a short time while Miss Curie was a baby we made regular visits to a nursing home that was very close to our house at the time. I felt at the time that I needed to do something useful, and taking my baby to a nursing home seemed like a good idea - so I did. When she was just 13 months old we moved and the nursing home visits ended, but it seems that the effects were permanent.

At the time of those visits I had a vague idea that this was a good way to bring up my little girl to be loving and accepting of people no matter what they look like, but I had completely forgotten about it since then... Until I watched her cuddling her beloved Oma as she had done so many times before.

Maybe I'm placing too much significance on those nursing home visits... Come to think of it, we were also making regular visits to hospital around that time because Oma was seriously unwell.
Maybe Miss Curie would have been like that anyway. Maybe... And maybe her sensitivity to smells and tastes has nothing to do with my Dad opening all 32 of the spice jars in our spice rack one at a time and holding them under her nose while telling her the name of each spice - when she was three months old. Maybe. But I'm starting to be convinced that our kids learn what we teach them - especially when we don't think we're teaching them anything at all.

If It Really Matters...

2012-02-09T01:12:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. I'm pedantic. As a result, I have a pet hate of snappy sayings. One of my most disliked is: "there's no such thing as can't" or "nothing's impossible".

When someone says either of those to me, I really feel like saying something like: "so you're saying I'm just not trying hard enough to sprout purple feathers and fly to the moon?" Obviously there are many things that I can't do - that are impossible - such as give birth to a walrus (OK, so maybe science will get there one day, but I really doubt it) or turn everything I touch into mouldy cheese, or turn a raging cyclone into a mild summer breeze.

What is true, is what the Bible says: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I like that much, much better - mainly because it's God's word, not something that impatient adults make up to get kids to try harder. (Yes, I know that many people say these things with the best of intentions and I really do appreciate that, but let's stick to telling kids the things that are really true.)

I paraphrase that as: "if it's really important, it can be done. If it can't be done, it's not really important." I have to warn you, though, that only works if you're relying on God's strength instead of your own. God does let us fall flat on our faces and fail at the truly important things to teach us to rely on him (that all important phrase: "through Christ who strengthens me"). How do I know? Because it's happened to me. I've failed at being patient or kind to my husband or children because I was leaning on my own pitiful strength. I know that patience and kindness matter because the Bible says so.

The thing is, we can live our lives full of angst over all the important things that seem impossible... or over the impossible things that seem important... Or we can let go of our own ideas of important and impossible and let God decide what really needs to be done. Not just in the moments of despair and desperation, but every moment of every day.

The results are sure to be awesome.

Homeschooling Doesn't...

2012-02-06T02:52:00.000-08:00

I know I've said it before in other ways, but homeschooling isn't perfect. It certainly isn't a way of setting apart the really good parents from the really bad. Bad parents can homeschool, too. It's a decision many make after careful and thoughtful consideration. It's a decision that some make on the spur of the moment without much regard for future ramifications (I don't have anyone specific in mind here!).

Homeschooling doesn't mean that parents love their children. Many loving parents homeschool their children. Many loving parents send their children to school. Some children who are homeschooled are, and will be, neglected and abused. The fact that the parents are educating their children at home does not make abuse any less vile and disgusting.

Homeschooling doesn't shield children from smut or evil or rebellion or... whatever. There are many ways that rubbish can enter our homes and our lives. If we as parents have a habit of letting that rubbish in, our children will soon learn to do the same.

Homeschooling doesn't create strong family relationships. It can facilitate strong family relationships, but ultimately people build relationships. Unless we directly put our efforts into building relationships, they won't... be built. (Simple, really, but I have to remind myself... often!)

Homeschooling doesn't make our children kinder, or more thoughtful, or less self-centred. It is an opportunity to teach and guide them more closely in these areas, but if the opportunity is neglected, the outcome is likely to be mediocre (although our children are certainly able to rise above our failures as parents).

I could go on and on, but what I'm trying to say is that homeschooling is a tool. A hammer in the hands of a psychopath is a weapon, but in the hands of tradesman, it is a tool. In the hands of an expert tradesman it can produce a masterpiece. In the hands of a toddler, it's likely to yield sore toes and a lot of noise.

As parents it's worth remembering that both homeschooling and schooling are tools. We are the tradesman and our children apprentices. If we neglect our work and leave it to the apprentices, we can expect poor results. We hope that ultimately our children will become expert tradesman, but that depends both on our commitment to mentoring them and their commitment to growth.

Homeschooling doesn't guarantee success. It doesn't guarantee happiness. But, when all is said and done, may we all have the satisfaction of knowing that, whatever tools we used, we used them well.

When They Ask Why

2012-01-23T00:51:00.000-08:00

It's a perennial frustration of homeschoolers around the world - the seemingly endless questions about qualifications (ours), socialization (our kids' - though perhaps we should be asked about our socialization!), stress (how will we manage?), learning to cope with the "real" world... the list goes on (and on, and on...)

It can be hard to respond graciously when almost-strangers start interrogating you with the apparent intent of leaving no stone unturned.

I'm incredibly fortunate to have a very supportive family, including among those who have decided to send their own kids to school. For a lot of homeschoolers, family gatherings can be a battleground to prove their worth as both parents and teachers. I'm not going to pretend that I have any idea what that's really like, because I haven't experienced it first-hand, so I know I don't.

I do have some experience with being asked all kinds of questions by mere acquaintances, and I thought I'd share how I "cope". (The most interesting question I've ever had was: "do you find that easier, then?" Which was asked on two different occasions - several years apart - by the same person!)

Here are my tips for keeping your cool when questioned (feel free to add to the list!):

1) Believe the best you can about the questioner. Try not to assume that your integrity and sanity is being questioned. Many people are really just curious or genuinely interested, even if they do rub you up the wrong way.

2) Don't set out to prove yourself. While we may feel compelled to convince others that we are doing a good job, it can come across as a put-down to other parents if we start rabbiting on about all the fabulous things we and our kids are doing (subtly implying that they aren't doing such a great job). Conversations (and friendships) are likely to go down-hill from there.

3) Feel free to change the subject. If it's getting uncomfortable, encourage the other person to talk about positive things that their kids are doing.

4) Seek to understand. If someone seems hostile, maybe it's worth getting to the bottom of that hostility. More than likely it's not about you at all, but maybe there's something bothering them that they need to talk about (without feeling like your thinking, "well if you'd just take your kids out of school...").

5) Don't be afraid to admit you don't have all the answers. Who likes a know-it-all, anyway? Being arrogant (yep, seriously guilty of that one here) really doesn't help anything (okay, so that's completely obvious, I know - I guess I'm writing that for myself more than anyone else!).

6) Be honest! I tell people about my bad days too. Homeschooling isn't the answer to every problem the earth has ever seen, and others may get a little annoyed (to say the least) if we give that impression.

7) Be willing to walk away. Okay, so there will be a few people out there who just want to cut you down to make themselves feel better about their own choices (nothing to do with homeschooling and everything to do with insecurity) - when you meet one of them, it's best to find a way to walk away politely, but as soon as possible.

8) Above all, remember why you are here. Before and beyond homeschooling, I am a follower of Christ, and I want people to know that any good they see in my life is not a result of a magical homeschooling formula, but rather, that it is by the grace of God.

God bless your journey, wherever it takes you!

Camping...

2012-01-04T18:02:00.000-08:00

Just a few photos of our camping trip to a farm that belongs to family friends. A highlight was a visit to an animal farm that got the girls scheming about how they can have a pet goat.

The weather was beautiful, the river was cool, and I was blessed to have Raamonster's parents helping me out in every way imaginable. The only sad part was that the Raamonster could only come for two days because of his work commitments.

What We Won't Be Doing Today

2011-12-24T16:01:00.001-08:00

We won't be singing Christmas carols today. We won't be unwrapping presents left by "Santa" around a tree. We won't be wishing friends and family a "Merry Christmas".

We don't celebrate Christmas because of its pagan origins. We don't believe in "borrowing" celebrations from other religions to worship the True God.

Our focus is not on the helpless baby Jesus laying in a manger, but on Jesus Christ crucified who died in order to give everyone the opportunity to become a true child of God by turning toward God and repenting (being truly sorry for, to the depths of our being) of our sins (disobeying and rejecting God).

I know to many people it seems like we're wet blankets. Who wouldn't love tinsel and pretty lights and giving gifts? Well... we would enjoy them if they didn't represent rejecting the celebrations that God actually ordained in favour of pagan traditions and superstitions.

God speed the day when there truly is Peace on Earth.

No Pain But Mine

2011-12-17T06:36:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, we had a car accident that wrote off our car. While we profited from it financially through no fault of our own (we had bought the car that got wrecked at such a bargain price that its insured value was significantly higher than what we actually paid for it), this was the catalyst for such a tumultuous and dark period of our lives that I thought of it as The Accident for a long time. It was one of those events that you expect to define the rest of your life.

Outwardly, many would wonder how this could have been such a devastating event. Our children emerged unscathed, apart from a seemingly irrational fear of "tipping over" (even five years on) when we take a corner a little fast while driving. Our injuries were trivial. But within our emotional lives the cascade of conseqences was far-reaching - to the point of being almost unbearable at times.

To someone who had suffered a "real" trial, such as the death of a child or spouse, I'm sure my pain at the time must have seemed ridiculous. I could hardly have complained about my puny injuries to someone suffering from chronic illness. And yet, as irrational as it may have seemed from the outside, my soul was in agony.

Apart from the personal growth that can come from suffering, there is something else to be gained from pain. The Apostle Paul wrote:

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.

In other words, God provides comfort in our times of suffering that enables and teaches us to comfort others in their suffering.

Unfortunately, in our weakness, we can develop an attitude of no pain but mine. No pain but mine is worthy of sympathy. In our deepest hearts, especially in the midst of a "big" trial, we can look down our noses at the "little" trials of others. No pain but mine is real pain. Without even realising it, we can despise our brothers and sisters for struggling to deal with what may seem to be small issues.

Clearly this incredibly destructive attitude is not what God has in mind when He comforts us in our grief. Certainly those suffering "little"trials need to be sensitive about what they say to those dragging their way through "big" trials... but the reverse is true as well.

There is no place in a true community for the no pain but mine attitude. Believe me, I've been guilty of it - I guess many of us have at some time or other, but we need to recognise where it comes from, and that's certainly not from God. After all, Jesus Christ doesn't turn up His nose in disgust when we cry out to Him - and He suffered more than any other man (or woman, or child).

I know some beautiful people who have suffered the kind of pain that makes me imagine having my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled on. What I love and admire about these people is that they have the love and compassion to see beyond their own pain to the suffering of others - however apparently trivial - and to be genuinely sympathetic, despite their own trials. This is what I aspire to as God softens my hard-heartedness and hard-headedness.

So often, because we only see the surface, we fail to understand how deeply and lastingly "small" things can hurt our brothers and sisters. We can also get so wrapped up in our own inner worlds that we become oblivious to what is really going on around us on the outside.

Jesus Christ, of course, is the ultimate example to which I aspire. I pray for the compassion and patience to understand that all pain is like mine. Perhaps not in degree (in many cases it is greater than mine, not less - whether I can see it or not) or outward appearance, but a hurting heart doesn't heal by being told that it shouldn't hurt. It heals by being heard.

Between Two Worlds

2011-12-14T02:16:00.000-08:00

We homeschoolers often don't like to talk about the challenges we face. Maybe because we're scared that Others will take it as proof that we are inadequate for the job. Or maybe because it will shatter an illusion of perfection.

My challenge right now is that I feel caught between two worlds. The world of toddlers and library story time and playgroup and the world of big kids and big kid activities. The two don't always mix well. A lot of big kid activities are... difficult ... with a toddler in tow who wants to do it all too.

I gave up taking big kids to playgroup a long time ago - it just seemed... weird.

And in the world of homeschoolers, it seems a lot of people don't start on this journey until they've experienced a few years of mainstream school. Sooooo, this can be a lonely place - homeschooling and having little ones to consider and nurture.

It can be really, really hard work investing the love and care into each of these little people. Definitely worth the effort, but... well, if you're considering homeschooling and have toddlers/preschoolers, be prepared for some hard times.

No doubt I will find new challenges with each season of being a parent. I'm OK with where life is right now. Not ecstatic with the wonder of just living life, but OK with it.

Sometimes we don't say these things though. We don't always talk about the ordinary, day-to-day Life. So today I am. I'm just saying - this is how it is for me right now. That's all.

There is No Cure

2011-12-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

Let's be honest with ourselves: there is no cure for bad parenting moments.

The one absolute guarantee of being a parent is that we will stuff up. Sometimes in a really big way. There is no cure. Homeschooling will not cure parents or children of miscommunication, impatience, frustration, or any of the other myriad of relationship enemies every parent and child must face at times.

Nor will sending kids to school shield them from the bad influence of our anger, laziness, selfishness... or in fact any of our character weaknesses.

Let me repeat myself: there is no cure for bad parenting moments. We will damage our children - whether we keep them at home within the loving embrace of family life... or whether we send them out as intrepid voyagers into the big, wide world.

So often we fool ourselves with the idea that there is a formula that will give our children the perfect lives... That if we send them to the right schools (or don't send them to school), control every aspect of their lives (or give them the freedom to discover the world for themselves), etc, etc, that somehow they will turn out "right".

The problem with all the formulae ever devised is that we are imperfect and our children have free will.

Of course there are good ways and bad ways of parenting. Beating children into cowering submission is unlikely to yield a happy result. On the other hand, letting them "express themselves" through tantrums and whining is equally unlikely to bring about success.

If our value as human being is tied up in how our kids "turn out" we are headed for disaster and confusion. A child may become an outstanding citizen despite being brought up by the most horrible and vindictive people on the planet. Or a child may become a cruel psychopath, despite being brought up in a loving but demanding home. To believe that we can control the outcome of our children's lives is to deny our humanity and theirs.

Being effective as parents is about being effective as people. If we live with integrity and honesty, we give our kids the best (although not the only) chance of doing the same. If we live by double-standards in a me-first world, we make it difficult (although not impossible) for our children to walk a path of integrity.

Being a parent is simply about being a person. And there is no cure for that.

Purposeful Parenting

2011-11-30T20:12:00.000-08:00

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to "be intentional" as a Mum. Of course, my younger self (similar to my current self) would probably arc up and ask what made me think she was just bumbling along without a direction and purpose. I still wish I could say it to her, though.

It's only recently that I've "gotten" that the little, everyday decisions all add up to an enormous future. Three times now, I've had a child hit about two years old and been suddenly overwhelmed with the enormity of the task of teaching them ... everything.

It's only with the Baby that I realized that learning how to treat other people begins at birth. I allowed three young babies to claw at my face and pull my hair. By the fourth it finally occurred to me that "unteaching" a toddler these habits was a lot harder than gradually setting reasonable boundaries for a baby from the start (e.g. gently taking her hand away and saying "that hurts Mummy" when she got too rough in her "explorations" of my face and hair).

That's just one small part of the big picture, of course. I'm not just talking about hair-pulling and pinching. I'm talking about having a plan (and I don't mean a detailed chart with daily goals and hundreds of bullet points - although if that's what moves you, don't let disorganized me put you off!) for where we're taking these kids. And then actually acting on that plan.

Theoretically, I guess, most of us Mums don't have a plan for our children to become helpless leeches... but we act like we do! (OK, so maybe it's just me who sighs and puts away the toys and sweeps up the crumbs and takes the bikes off the driveway because that's easier than having a "discussion" with a nine or seven or five-year-old about why they should do it. Or, even worse, having to teach them how to clean up properly... I know, I know - I'm a homeschool Mum, I'm meant to love teaching my kids stuff!)

Theoretically, we don't have a plan for our eldest child to be terrified of ever making a mistake ever (did I say ever?) . But we act like we do... Or am I the only one who circled (in red pen) every spelling mistake her five-year-old made when writing a story about "The volcano and the secret creatures" (yep, I've still got the story to prove it) - written off her own bat - complete with pictures of burnt up skeletons of the birds which didn't escape the raging inferno of the volcano?

Theoretically, we don't plan for our children to grow up believing that the louder you yell, the more likely you are to get your way. But we act like we do... Or am I also the only one who tells the older siblings to leave the baby alone when she screams ... without actually finding out what it was all about (like, is she screaming because her sister took back something she snatched from them?)?

So now (now that I'm becoming the magazine-cover-type mother with never a hair out of place, and definitely not even the slightest hint of being frazzled) I'm giving myself thinking space. I'm stopping to breathe, and to ask myself - am I actually living out my plan... or am I just reacting again?

OK, I know that sometimes life is so suffocating you can't seem to take a breath. Sometimes I'm just survival parenting. But I've discovered even in those moments there is the potential for better. Better might mean crying in front of the kids instead of screaming at them. Better might mean saying sorry when I "lose it"... And saying it again, and again... and again. Better might mean pasting on a smile over the headache (not pretending the pain isn't there, but saying "sweetie, my head is really hurting, but I'm still happy to see you this morning.").

So what's my plan? To live a life of growth. To infuse my kids lives with joy and hope and love. To teach them that there is Someone infinitely bigger, stronger and "lovinger" than me who they can turn to any time - especially when Mummy has a heachache. To admit my mistakes so they can learn to admit theirs. To be willing to let go of everything I hold dear in order to hold onto something infinitely more precious. To live for God so our girls can learn to live for Him too.

That's my plan, time to go and live it.

Remember Your Reasons

2011-11-26T01:39:00.000-08:00

At some point in our lives we all have to face up to some big decisions. It's easy to reach a crossroads and panic because the "right" direction doesn't seem clear. If there is something that I've learned in the last few years, it's the importance of why I am doing what I'm doing.

Why am I at this place in my life? Did I get here by "flying by the seat of my pants", or was there a purpose when I started on this journey?

We first considered homeschooling because The Raamonster and I both had very bad school experiences. By the time we actually started homeschooling it was because we wanted to protect our kids from bad influences. Now we continue to homeschool because we want to instill real values in our children and train them up in growing their strengths and overcoming their weaknesses in a way that honours God. Prayerful consideration of God's purpose for our lives has led us to believe that homeschooling is the best way to do this right now.

There are many days when I wake up wondering if I shouldn't just send the kids to school. It seems easier. I feel like I would have so much more freedom to pursue my dreams. But what are my flimsy dreams worth if I don't do my very best work of being a servant of God, wife and mother? Exactly nothing.

There are days when I read or hear about how other families homeschool and I suddenly feel utterly inadequate and wonder if I should be teaching Latin, or Sign Language, or if we should do more sport. Then I remember my reasons for being in this place. They are nothing to do with creating child prodigies, they are nothing to do with the Education Department's arbitrary schedule of learning and they are nothing to do with "keeping up" with everyone else.

If my reasons were to keep our children in line with what they would learn in the school system, then I'm way off track. If my reasons were to "get ahead" so they can "compete" with their peers to get the best available jobs when they grow up, then I'm going in the wrong direction. If my reasons were to prove to the world that home educated children are "normal", then I've failed dismally. If my reasons were to prove to the world what a competent - and in fact outstanding - mother I am, then I really need to go find myself an audience that is interested.

I keep reminding myself of our reasons. We homeschool so we can nurture our children like tender young plants. As I have discovered recently, chucking seeds in the ground and leaving them to themselves is not a very successful way of gardening. A "survival of the fittest" approach is not satisfactory unless I want to eat only pigweed, nettles and borage for the rest of my life. Without protection, precious seedlings are rapidly destroyed by slugs, snails, earwigs, chickens, sparrows... the list goes on. Likewise, we homeschool because we aren't prepared to just ... chuck our children out in the world and see what happens (I'm not having a go that people who send their kids to school - just reflecting on what the consequences of going to school are likely to be for our own children at their age). For others, perhaps choosing a particular school or getting actively involved in the school is their way of nurturing and protecting those tender little plants.

The important thing is the why. If our goals for our children are centred on academic success (e.g. we choose a school based on Naplan test scores or our homeschool timetable is focused on "getting things done"), we shouldn't be disappointed when Susie has trouble making friends. She has simply adopted our standards. If our goals for our children are based on being "normal" (e.g. we let them watch a questionable program because it's what every kid watches), we shouldn't be surprised when Michael is disrespectful and disdains our values ... because that's what every kid does.

Whatever path you choose for your family, I would urge you - when a crisis hits - remember your reasons. Remember how you got here in the first place. It won't necessarily mean that you won't choose a new direction, but if you do choose a new direction it won't be just because you got scared. Or just because you got tired. Or just because you got frustrated. It will be because the new path will actually take you where you want to go.

Juggling Chainsaws

2011-11-17T18:59:00.001-08:00

Toddlers are hard work. Some more so than others. Trying to homeschool older children while keeping a toddler safely occupied and running a household is a mammoth task. For some more than for others.

There are many wonderful suggestions for dealing with toddlers and preschoolers while homeschooling, but for many of us they are simply unrealistic. Some are too expensive, some too messy, some rely on resources, space or storage that many of us don't have. Some (dare I say it) come from mothers who actually weren't homeschooling when their youngest were toddlers. And some rely on having the kind of child who will not scream and try to claw their way out of any kind of restraint. The kind of child who has the fine motor control and intelligence necessary to plug in appliances and turn them on. The kind of child who has the strength of will of a pit-bull. The kind of child who, when sent outside, will eat dirt and then bring some inside to scatter randomly throughout the house.

This is not a cop-out - I'm not throwing up my hands and giving up on making any effort at reining in the toddler. She is being taught, step by step, what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. However, this process takes precious time and energy, and while she is learning these lessons, there is a lot of chaos. Even with the very best of efforts (and I'll be the first to admit, that I often don't put in my best effort, to my shame), there is no quick fix for a strong-willed toddler - no magic potion for ensuring that the older kids get a fair share of Mum's attention.

Such children, of course, need to be discipled (I use that word deliberately, because I'm talking about more than simply punishing for bad behaviour). That process, of necessity, takes time away from the teaching of older children.

Several months ago, our family watched a street performer juggling chainsaws. That image, for me, represents my life at the moment. No, this isn't the cue to send the older kids to school. Our reasons for homeschooling them remain as strong as ever. I just have to keep slogging away, keep doing my job as God leads me, regardless of how hard it gets. Right is never impossible. As long as I stick close to God, He will enable me to throw the necessary mountains into the sea. He will equip me to juggle chainsaws.

To The Unknown Reader

2011-11-02T08:33:00.001-07:00

I don't know who you are (perhaps thankfully), but I do know where you've been. My blog stats tell me where readers have come from. Someone who has read this blog recently came from ... well, somewhere no one should ever go.

So, dear Reader, though I don't know who you are, please get help. Please don't go down that path. Please find a friend (or friends) who will support and encourage you in living your best life and help you to stay away from that black hole that is so destructive to the people you love and the people who love you.

Feel free to be outraged that I'm writing this, just please, get help.

Please.

With love,
Someone who really cares.

As If The Whole World Is Listening

2011-10-31T02:16:00.000-07:00

The written word has a lot of power. Even more so, perhaps, than the spoken word because it can be re-read, and re-read... and re-read. Especially on the internet, written words have a way of enduring well past their "best-before" date.

A blog is often written for a specific audience. This blog, for instance, is for my family and other homeschoolers and Christians. It probably won't appeal to an atheist who is the head of an education department.

But sometimes, someone else reads stuff. Sometimes, someone stumbles across a blog and finds something they weren't expecting. The book of Ecclesiastes cautions:

Do not curse the king, even in your thought;
Do not curse the rich, even in your bedroom;
For a bird of the air may carry your voice,
And a bird in flight may tell the matter.

This is even more true today than it was several thousand years ago, as the internet spreads our words far and wide. And so, it would be wise to speak as though the whole world is listening; write as though the whole world is reading. And consider carefully what our words are telling the whole world about who we really are.

What Real Life Looks Like

2011-09-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

It is so easy to create a false world in cyberspace. It can seem like everyone else is coping well with life and raising picture-perfect families. Well, I'm here to put up my hand and say I'm not picture-perfect. Here are just a few examples of what real life looks like for us:

We have had frequent unpleasant incidents relating to free-range (not wearing a nappy) babies/toddlers and bowel movements. No, I will not go into detail.

My children sometimes pick their noses.

I lose my temper. That doesn't make it OK - it's something I'm working on overcoming.

My interpretation of the terms "regularly and efficiently" in regard to how we cover the eight key learning areas in our state's curriculum is very loose. Mostly, we do maths and english and survive... just. No fabulous science experiments (we've done one this year - putting a container of salt water on a window sill to evaporate - yay for me!), no delving passionately into history, no incredible art programs. Truly. Just maths and english.

My children often stare blankly at people who speak to them. I am teaching them that the polite thing to do when someone asks "how are you?" is to answer them.

Large expanses of my ceiling are covered in fly spots.

I often feed my children bread and butter for lunch. In fact, that and a piece of fruit is our staple diet for lunches.

My eating habits are often terrible - involving copious amounts of carbohydrates and nowhere near enough fruit. I'm seriously working on this one too.

I have had to ring the poisons hotline many times. So far we have escaped serious consequences.

We don't always wash our hands when we should.

Some days I just don't want to be touched.

And there's plenty of other stuff that I'm just not willing to write in such a public "place"...

The point is, real life is often dirty and messy and loud and uncomfortable. Real character comes from real life, though, not glossy magazines. Reading about other people's lives often makes me feel pathetic and inadequate, but that's OK, because I need to centre my life around growing through Christ, not living up to arbitrary standards that I make up based on other people's lives.

So that's me, keeping it real.

Cosleeping?!*

2011-08-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

I think cosleeping is a lovely idea. But. I don't feel guilty about not cosleeping with my Baby. Nope. Not at all. I'm writing this for anyone who does feel guilty because they don't or (perhaps more often) didn't cosleep.

Last night Baby slept in my bed. No. She didn't sleep in my bed. She played with my hair. She kicked me. She talked to herself. She certainly did not sleep. I thought it would be a good idea to have her in bed with me because she kept waking up and I thought she wasn't quite well. It wasn't.

Some might argue that it didn't work because she isn't used to sleeping with me. To which I say "pfffft, whatEVer." When she was (really) a baby I used to try to comfort her to sleep when she started to show tired signs. It actually didn't work. She would not go to sleep with me holding or patting her. She needed to be left alone. I speak the truth! (All our children, by the way, have slept with us for the first few days or weeks after birth.)

There are many lovely ideas out there. They don't all work. For me. What will always work for me (and for everyone) are the principles of Right and Wrong. Cosleeping isn't Right or Wrong. It's nice. If you get to sleep.

*This post is not meant to "knock" cosleeping. It's just a light-hearted reflection on a sleepless night. :)

Why Are They Leaving (and does it matter)?

2011-08-08T16:09:00.000-07:00

I recently watched an online "movie" called Divided about youth ministry in christian churches. It has ignited some passionate debate - to the point that I would like to respond both to the claims made in Divided (you can find it here) and to the resulting discussion about what makes people of all ages leave their former faith.

One of the statements throughout the movie was that youth group/sunday school is not supported in scriptures. Ephesians 6 is quoted where it says fathers should "bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord". Christ explicitly told His disciples not to add to or take away from the scriptures. To use Ephesians 6 as an argument against youth groups is adding to what the scripture says (something Jesus warned against). It doesn't say "fathers teach your children and whatever you do, make sure no one else teaches them without you present at all times."

Proverbs 11:14 says that "in a multitude of counselors there is safety". Shouldn't we encourage our young people to be willing to listen to a multitude of counselors then? In Acts 17 verses 10-12 the Bereans were noted as searching the scriptures daily to "find out whether these things were so". Is it not a valuable (Biblical) principle to encourage our young people to search the scriptures to find out whether what we (their parents) teach them is true? Youth ministries may be one avenue to do this. What's more, in Titus 2 verses 3-5 the older women were instructed to teach the younger women. In verse 6 of the same chapter, Titus was told to "exhort the young men". Here is possibly a biblical model for separate groups. In Galatians it also instructs those who are spiritual to point straying brothers and sisters back to the right path... without saying "but, by the way, don't do it if they are under 18 and their parents are in the church, because then it's their parents' job".

So no, the bible does not give a command against teaching separate groups, and you might even argue that it advocates it. As someone already commented, this is a case of Christian liberty.

As for young people leaving the church, my experience was growing up in a church with a large group of first generation Christians my parents' age. When I was young and the church was immature, there was a widespread culture (unspoken) that parents were perfect. They did not admit to mistakes and there was sadly too much value placed on image. The long-term result is that (after a major split) there are many of my parents' generation left, but very few of my generation. You see, we grew up and discovered that being an adult didn't make us perfect. In time, disillusionment and disenchantment set in for many.

While our actions will never earn us salvation, they are an expression of our salvation - if (as someone on the Divided movie said in other words) we truly appreciate Christ's sacrifice and what it means for us, our lives will be ones of change (as "faith without works is dead" - James 2:14-26). When addressing the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3, John kept saying "to him who overcomes". The book of James tells us to "lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness". Jesus told us that if we love Him we are to keep His commandments and since Jesus was that same I AM as spoke to the Israelites in the wilderness (He told the Pharisees, "before Abraham, I AM"), that means the commandments of the Old Testament as well as the New. This is the narrow and difficult path that leads to Eternal life that Jesus was speaking about.

If we teach our kids that Christianity is about being instead of becoming - that it is a place, not a pathway - then we are selling them short. The proof of a changed heart is a changed life - whether they stay in "the church" or leave, if their lives don't become a living sacrifice, then they are Christians in word only. Having a bunch of warm seats at the end of a church service is not a demonstration of "success" in preaching the gospel. In fact, Jesus predicted that the world for the most part would reject the truth... but that is not the end of God's plan as so many believe!

There is another major problem with mainstream Christianity, that is nothing to do with numbers of people entering or leaving. (If you do not want to be challenged, if you don't want to reconsider what the Bible actually says, please don't read on, because you will only be angered by what I have to say.)

The doctrines of heaven and hell are unbiblical. The Bible says that Jesus was "firstborn from the dead" (obviously others had been resurrected to physical life before, but He was the first resurrected to a Spirit body). That means no one before Jesus "went to heaven" - not Moses, not Abraham, not King David. Moreover, it is "at the last trumpet in the twinkling of an eye" that the dead in Christ will rise. As for hell, the "wages of sin is death" (not burning in eternal torment, or any other form of living unhappily for eternity). "Hell" usually means the grave. "The gift of God is Eternal life" ... not something we already have, and certainly not His gift to the incorrigible wicked.

On top of that, the book of Revelation speaks of a time when "the rest of the dead" will rise - those who have not had an opportunity to truly know God in this life. Ezekiel prophesied about a physical resurrection of the people of Israel (Ezekiel 37). Isaiah is full of prophecies of a time when all nations will learn about God, but first our great Adversary will be imprisoned, no longer able to influence mankind, as explained in Revelation 12.

If you take the Bible as a whole and read it carefully, you will find that God's plan is far more comprehensive than the popular doctrines of mainstream Christianity. God has not neglected or forgotten the many - living and dead - who never had the opportunity to truly understand (or in many cases, even hear) the gospel. God has not left the salvation of billions of disadvantaged men, women and children in the hands of His followers. While He has given us a commission to preach that gospel throughout the world, He hasn't so thoroughly failed humanity that the majority still miss out on hearing and believing the truth.

I have merely skimmed the surface of this topic, but if you would like to read more about it, there are a number of free booklets that cover heaven, hell, life after death and God's plan in much more depth.

Thoughts on Crying... and Some Other Stuff too

2011-07-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

Babies. Crying. Put those two words together and it can make for an explosive conversation. There are many opinions out there about babies crying and how bad or good it is for them... And some misinformation, including citing of non-existent research. More recently, some research has been done to follow up older children who were "subjected" to controlled crying as young babies. In all that I have found though, neither the opinions nor the research rely on the foundation of true knowledge - the "fear of the Lord".

Interestingly, the Bible has no rules on letting babies cry... or not. It does advise us to "train up a child in the way he should go" and warns that the "heart is deceitful above all things". It also provides a model for good parenting through God's relationship with His people. After all, God is the Ultimate Parent.

So what can we learn from the Bible about letting babies cry (or not)? First and foremost, I truly believe we must learn that God's work with each of us is personal. If God has not seen fit to lay out rules for parents about letting babies cry, then why should we make rules for each other - especially based on research by people who don't even believe in God?

Certainly there is a place for loving and timely advice and encouragement from one struggling mother to another. However, we can so easily become discouraging when we don't fully understand the challenges others face.

When I look at God's relationship with me, I see a pattern. When I was young in the faith, He answered my cries quickly - to show me that He was there and cared about me. As I have gotten older in the faith, He has let me "cry" for longer in order for me to learn valuable lessons and to learn that if I do things His way life will work so much better. He doesn't care about me less, but I can't grow as a child of God if He always jumps in and fixes things as soon as I start to cry. Likewise as my children have grown, I have gradually let them experience some discomfort and distress so that they can learn to take responsibility for, and ownership of, their emotions and decisions.

When have I done this? I'm not gonna tell. Each child is truly a unique individual and God has given me the responsibility to raise the children under my care through the guidance of His spirit. At times I've stuffed up - I've told children who needed my comfort to get over themselves. At other times I've comforted babies who didn't need comfort at all - they were just testing to see how quickly they could bring Mummy running.

Interestingly, I noticed with my youngest that she needed to cry herself to sleep. Believe me, her crying sounding to me, her mother, like true distress, but at a certain age I just could not comfort her to sleep. However, if I lay her in her bed and let her cry for a few minutes, she would settle herself and sleep much better than she had when I was "interfering"! My older children were all different, and looking back I'm sure I could have done better with each of them if I hadn't been so absorbed by my own comfort, but thankfully my many mistakes (and sins) aren't a death-sentence to my relationships with them or with God... as long as I stay willing to grow and change.

The sooner we recognise that every child - and every parent-child relationship - is unique, the sooner we can get on with the business of truly uplifting and encouraging one another in those unique relationships.

One mother struggles with terrible guilt because a particular method of sleep training was essential to her mental health and ability to function. Another may feel inadequate because she couldn't muster the mental discipline to help their babies develop good sleep habits early in life. Yet another may have had a baby who literally wouldn't stop crying in the early days and weeks... and sometimes even months... She simply had to shut the door and let baby cry. It is very easy to judge one or all of these mothers from an objective distance as harsh or weak or even cruel, but when we haven't lived right in the middle of someone else's life, experiencing the very thoughts in their head, we can rarely truly understand just how hard it can be to be... someone else.

In the end, the (sometimes unspoken) rules that we impose on ourselves and others can very easily break down the essential support networks that help us get through those tough early years. I know that far too often I blurt out the words of criticism and hold back the words of encouragement or admiration. It takes real humility to accept and believe that someone else's way might truly work as well as ours... perhaps even better.

On the other hand, it takes patience and love to not carry with us every judgement and criticism that we read into the words and looks of others. Motherhood - especially early motherhood - can be such a sensitive and vulnerable time that we can easily mistake loving concern for harsh condemnation. That lovely older lady at church who says: "don't you think that will spoil him, dear?" is not necessarily speaking from some lofty height of superiority, but may be absolutely aching to ease the burden of a tired and frazzled young mother. On the other hand, single guy (who has never touched a baby in his life) who expresses concern about a baby left to cry, may truly hear something in that cry that (exhausted, emotional, hormonal) Mummy can't hear.

We will all get things wrong on our parenting journey, and sometimes God will use the most unlikely of people to tell us so... And sometimes we will have to forgive those who are speaking from a lofty height of superiority or in absolute ignorance of what it really means to be a mother.

It's a tough gig, this motherhood thing, but if we come right back down to the absolute foundation of wisdom - the fear of God - and invest ourselves in growing in Godly love, then we will have success that the world can't even begin to measure.

No Box Big Enough

2011-05-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

When Miss Curie was very young, I started reading to her every day, having been convicted by Mem Fox's Reading Magic that this was essential to her future development. Miss Curie often seemed to have little interest in the books apart from the lovely sound they made when their pages were ripped. I thought she probably wouldn't be very interested in reading when she got older. Today, however, she loves to read.

When she was less than a year old, Miss Curie would copy me when I wiped the floor, and she could spend ages smoothing out a blanket perfectly. I was pretty sure that she was going to grow up to be a neat freak. Nearly eight years later, her bed is the messiest in the house (although it is "made") and I often find dirty clothes stuffed in her drawers to the point that they won't open. The "neat freak" box wasn't big enough.

Around the same time, Miss Curie would get really grumpy and out of sorts when we took her to crowded places. As soon as we would leave a hall full of lots of chattering people, she seemed to become "herself" again. I figured she was probably an introvert just like me.

When she was just over two, Miss Curie would often ask me "who are we going to see today?" I would look at her in wonderment, amazed that I had given birth to a child who was apparently an extrovert. Now, at eight and a half, Miss Curie loves to be around other people while doing solitary activities - she loves someone to be in the room with her while she sews or reads a book. On the other hand, she loves her French class because, in her break she gets to "play with the other kids". The "introvert" box isn't big enough.

When Chatterbox was just a baby she was terrified of "creepy crawlies" of all kinds. As she got older she was scared of the dark, of water... the list of things she was scared of kept getting bigger. At the beach one day she was beside herself when she saw her older sisters actually sitting in the waves. She kept yelling at them: "Get up, girls! Get up!" I resigned myself to having an overcautious child. A year on she has suddenly discovered an adventurous spirit and enjoys touching bugs and playing in surf. The "scaredy-cat" box isn't big enough.

Angelina spoke her first words well before she was a year old and a couple of years later she started playing with rhymes. From just three years old she has loved to make up stories and songs. I was convinced that she would learn to read before her older sister. Now she will be seven soon, and learning to read has been a much longer, slower process for her than it was for Miss Curie (and that is totally OK). The "language lover" box wasn't big enough.

So what's the point in all my ramblings? Just that I'm learning not to put my kids in boxes, because no box is big enough. So often, I have thought that I know my girls, only discover that I don't - not really. If I want to know my children and enable them to grow, I can't assign them an identity based on just a few moments in time. To truly nurture them, sometimes I need to just stand back and watch without the need to pull out my field guide to children in order to work out whether they are "introverts" or "hypersensitive" or "gifted" or ... whatever.

It's essential to guide our children towards growing in character, rather than excusing immoral or reckless behaviour because "that's just who they are". However, I need to learn to accept and appreciate my children with all their harmless little quirks and eccentricities - the bits that make them unique without hurting themselves or others. I don't have to put them in a box to do that.

As for The Baby, she's a mischeivous little thing right now. She has learned to open jars, bottles, cupboards... you name it... and chaos has ensued. When Baby has had enough to eat, she indicates this by either spreading her food artistically and strategically over the table, or by throwing it on the floor (although she is rapidly learning that this is not How Things Are Done). I don't know what personality "box" she belongs in, though, because no box is big enough.

Homeschooling - It's Not Who We Are

2011-03-21T01:37:00.000-07:00

I've been intrigued a couple of times recently when people I barely know - and to whom I didn't think I'd ever mentioned homeschooling - have asked about how I'm going teaching the girls... Intrigued, and, in a funny way, slightly troubled.

See, homeschooling is something we do, but I would hate anyone to think that it's who we are. I don't want my identity in the world at large to be encapsulated by the phrase "homeschooling mother of four".

I believe that homeschooling is best for my children, but it's not something I believe in. I hope that the defining feature of my life is my belief that the God Who created the universe has an awesome plan for every man, woman and child on the planet.

I home educate our precious daughters because the education establishment (and to be honest, I believe this is true of christian schools as well) is completely at odds with our beliefs and values - because "out there" our children would be told that they need to accept all belief systems as equally valuable... which kinda doesn't work. The God of the Bible most definitely doesn't tolerate competitors. (If I had created the universe I certainly wouldn't want a statue getting the credit for my work!)

I love having the opportunity to educate "our" girls at home and teach them Biblical values, but homeschooling isn't who we are - it's what we do because of who we are.

Our National Disgrace

2011-02-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

I hardly know how to begin this post. This topic has weighed very heavily on my heart for some time now. As floods have swept away both lives and livelihoods, and now cyclones have battered our nations coastline, yet those natural events don't hold a candle to the destruction that is being wrought by our national disgrace.

Based on an estimate from 2005, close to 200 babies a day are killed in our country. As long as a human baby is at least partially inside the womb in the state of Victoria, it has less rights (i.e. none at all) than a chick embryo in the third trimester.

I'm not even going to publish the horrible details of what is now completely legal in the state of Victoria - it is simply too unbearable. Cold, hard facts, unembellished by pro-life proponents, can be found at this government site http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Abortion_in_Australia. For anyone who doubts just how disgusting late-term abortion is, you can search for yourself. In my mind, it amounts to nothing short of torture.

Our national disgrace is that while the rights of animals and the antics of footballers hit the front pages of our papers, abortion does not. Our national disgrace is that I received many emails asking me to attend rallies to protect the rights of mothers to give birth at home, I received none pleading with me to protect the right of a child to be born. I received numerous emails begging me to sign a petition to protect a woman in another country from being put to death, but no one has asked me to sign a petition to prevent the ... I can't even write it ... to prevent what is done to late-term babies in order to remove them from their mothers womb.

More recently, many have asked me to rally around to support those who have lost their homes and experienced terrible trauma in the recent Queensland floods, but no one has asked me to rally around to encourage and help pregnant women who believe their only support network is an abortion clinic, and who are likely to suffer years of trauma later in life.

At election time, the rallying cry of politicians has been to invest in the economic stability of our nation. There has been no mention of the emotional stability of a nation which engages in the wholesale slaughter of defenseless children (YES! They are children, not merely "fetuses" or "embryos"). I can only conclude that politicians focus on economic stability because that is what our nation cares about and that is what will get them elected.

As I cuddle my own baby girl, I feel like she is the one being threatened by our national disgrace. And the reality is that the threat to her is very real. When we hold life so cheap that it is legal to throw a living baby - surgically removed from it's mother's body - into a dumpster (or worse), what possible hope can we have for the future of our children? We can expect them, as a generation, to grow up believing in the disposability of people (while, in all likelihood, they will vehemently defend the rights of animals).

I can offer only one remedy for our national disgrace - to pray and ask God for forgiveness and healing. I know that the only true defender of the unborn can be God himself, and knowing what happens in abortion clinics across our nation (and other nations) every day motivates me to be all the more urgent in my pleas to God for HIS Kingdom to come.

Abortion is not merely the sin of a few desperate women and amoral doctors, it is the disgrace of our nation. In the overwhelming majority we have contributed to its legalization. We have rejected God, torn down the foundations of marriage and family, and invested our lives in the pursuit of physical possessions. In the process, we have relentlessly destroyed our country's single greatest resource and blessing - its children. Many have wondered aloud how "ordinary" Germans could stand by while the holocaust occurred, little realising that Australia is engaged in the barbaric elimination of the unborn. We have yet to fully realize the returns on this diabolical investment, but unless we throw ourselves on God's mercy in abject repentance, we can expect that there is going to be hell to pay.

How To Raise Perfect Children (More Or Less)

2011-01-08T00:49:00.000-08:00

Step 1. Stop being human.

Seriously now... as mother to four little cupcakes, How To Be A Good Parent is something of a preoccupation of mine these days. I often ponder how best to raise these little girls as (hopefully) God-fearing adults overflowing with integrity and love of their fellow man.

I have been wont to bemoan the lack of detail in the bible about correctly raising children. There are just a few very general instructions to parents - no specifics about when to introduce dairy or how to potty train... Perhaps because such things really aren't that important after all.

Just today, though, I've had an epiphany. The bible doesn't lack detail about parenting at all, it is simply (being a perfect book inspired by the very Creator of the universe) ... efficient. You see, there's this verse that goes; "foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15) I was thinking about this verse again today when it occurred to me how much detail is in this verse alone. It tells me that I need to use a rod to correct my child whenever he (or she, in my case!) is foolish. The rest of the bible is absolute bursting with references to fools and foolishness that define for me exactly when I need to administer the "rod of correction". Easy!

Only, of course, it isn't easy because the hard bit about being a Mum for me is actually Paying Attention and *noticing* when my children are being foolish. I let an awful lot of teaching opportunities slip by me because I'm off in my little world. That is something that I can - with God's holy spirit - work on, though.

There are other verses that deal with bringing up children as well, of course. Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs us : "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." Here also is a wealth of information since the "them" we are to teach diligently to our children refers to the commandments God gave to the Israelites through Moses.

There are a number of other verses that refer specifically to bringing up children that I may "talk" about another time, but even just those two verses provide an incredible foundation for being a responsible and loving parent. We need to both teach (that is, intentionally teach, not as a reaction to misbehaviour) and lovingly (and let me emphasize lovingly, not because we're embarrassed or annoyed or outraged or hurt) correct. Phew! It's no wonder I'm so tired by the end of each day!

So maybe I'm not quite on my way to raising perfect children, but it's not for lack of information. After all, I have 24-hour access to the ultimate parenting resource, the Bible.

Quit Judging Me!

2010-12-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

I hear it (and, if I'm being honest, think it) a lot - comments like "I wish people would quit judging me!"; "I feel so judged"; "they have no right to judge me!"

People who call themselves christians can often be heard to quote "judge not, that you be not judged". What don't get quoted any near as much are the numerous scripture that exhort us to speak up when we see someone doing the wrong thing.

Just what did Jesus mean when he said "judge not"? Did he mean "pretend you don't see blatant sin"? ... That would make him a hypocrite, considering the way he spoke to the Pharisees. As the son of God, Jesus certainly wasn't a hypocrite!

It's not my intent to write a sermon, but I'd like to make a few observations. Often when I hear "I wish people would quit judging me," it comes from someone who is headed for trouble, but resents the words of caution from those who love them. I've been the one headed for trouble myself - the one who wouldn't listen. Those urging caution were expressing their love and concern for me... something the bible tells us we should do when we are able. For me to call their concern "judging" was arrogant in the extreme.

Consider an analogy... you're standing at the edge of the road with a friend, waiting to cross. You've checked for cars and decided it's all clear (or maybe you haven't even checked). As you begin to step out, your friend, who has spotted a truck flying round the corner, yells "Look out!" If you walk right out onto the road while berating your friend for judging you, you'll become crow food. In an act of pig-headedness you not only lose your own life, but leave your friend traumatised.

Most of us are smart enough to stop when someone yells "look out!" while we're crossing the road. Not many of us are smart enough to stop when a true friend gently suggests that we're headed for an emotional or psychological train wreck that may cause great pain to others as well as ourselves. Instead, we step right out in front of that truck, all the while bemoaning the fact that we're being "judged".

And yet, when you or I are complaining about being judged, aren't we even more guilty? After all, when a friend urges us not to step out in front of a truck, they are simply observing a danger we haven't seen and trying to protect us from harm. They probably aren't thinking, "wow! She's so stupid stepping out in front of that truck - she deserves to get hurt." Yet when we accuse our friend of judging us, we assume that we understand the intent of their heart - something that God tells us only He can see. Warning a friend against an imminent emotional train wreck is rarely a pleasant exercise. The loving friend is unlikely to experience a buzz of satisfaction or that "high" that comes from a random act of kindness. In fact, someone who has the courage to speak up is more likely to end up rejected and possibly even publicly humiliated as a reward for their pains.

Jesus calls us to the ultimate challenge - turning His words inward on ourselves, not outward toward others. He didn't say "don't ever let anyone judge you". In fact, He told us to be like little children - teachable and humble.

So... if you ever have anything difficult to say to me, trying yelling "look out!" first - maybe then I'll stop and listen! :)

Walking Through the Valley of Shadow

2010-12-09T01:38:00.000-08:00

Most of us face significant challenges through our lives. For some people, it seems life is just one long walk through the "valley of shadow" King David referred to in Psalm 23. For many of us, trials and tragedy can become a stumbling block for our faith. If we look carefully at what the bible says about God and humanity, then there is no need for us to be confused by our trials.

Among many other things, the bible is a story about choices and right and wrong. Often, it is a story about bad choices and their consequences. Freedom of choice was part and parcel of God making man in His Own Image. Sin and death and tragedy is part and parcel of man rejecting God's standards of right and wrong. The death and tragedy that inevitably result from sin touch not only the sinner, but all of humanity. Lies breed more lies, hate breeds more hate, and on it goes... only with God's help can we break that vicious cycle. We can choose to do right, but that doesn't mean we will be free from the pain that comes from other peoples sins.

Too often when I am hurt by life, I look for someone to blame. On a good day I may look inward to see if I am the source of my pain. Sometimes I am. If I'm not, I may look for someone else to blame. Life in this wretched world simply isn't that simple. As an analogy, it's like victims of the Chernobyl disaster trying to blame themselves for radiation sickness, or looking for some radioactive source in their own homes as the cause of their illness. Sin can be like a nuclear meltdown or pumping toxic waste into a waterway - the effects can be incredibly far-reaching and hard to predict. Unlike a nuclear meltdown, sin is so prevalent that it is almost impossible to find The Cause of many trials or tragedies that we face.

It is essential that we take responsibility for our own actions and inactions and repent of our wrong-doings. I believe it is destructive, however, to expect that righteousness will bring us physical comfort, peace and prosperity, and that the bad things that happen to us are *automatically* a result of our personal sin. Obeying God out of a sense of self-preservation doesn't exactly foster a close relationship with God... in fact it totally misses the point.

When tragedy strikes, we often respond by doing everything we (think we) can to prevent the same thing happening again. In doing so, we are often unconsciously saying "God abandoned me last time, so I'd better look after it myself this time round".

God doesn't promise His followers that they will never have to walk through the valley of shadow - in fact, He warns us not to be surprised by fiery trials and even told us to rejoice in them! Many of His most faithful witnesses suffered terribly, so why shouldn't we suffer also? Fear of pain and suffering can be incredibly debilitating and really stunt our Christian growth.

For me the important thing to remember is that God is there, whether I am in the valley or on the mountain. He has walked me through some terrifying shadows and I made it out the other side. He has also watched me on the mountain when life is "cruisy" and seen me squander the benefits of good health and abundant energy on completely frivolous pursuits. In the end, it's not where I am, but who I become that counts.

This Story Has A Happy Ending...

2010-12-06T17:31:00.000-08:00

...but too many don't.

Chatterbox disappeared in a shopping centre a while back. One minute she was by my side and the next she was gone. Thankfully, after a desperate prayer, we found her outside another shop, crying.

What makes me feel sick - apart from the fact that she could have been gone forever - is that while I was running in and out of shops, yelling her name, everyone else in the shopping centre carried on as if nothing was happening. Including two mothers sitting peacefully and drinking their coffees with their own children safely in prams.

It was absolutely my own fault that I didn't keep a closer eye on Chatterbox. I don't hold anyone else responsible for that, but I find it disturbing that everyone in a busy shopping centre ignored the fact that I had clearly lost a child...and ignored the crying child separated from her mother.

What are we doing to ourselves? How is it that we are SO hardened to the pain of others that we hesitate to step in and help when we see a real need?

Only a few weeks after that incident I saw exactly the same thing happen to another mother. No one moved a muscle (except yes, I did, because I knew what it felt like!) to help, not even the friends she had been talking to minutes before.

I am so thankful that each passing day takes us one day closer to what this country really needs, not a change of government, but a change of heart.

Never Mine

2010-12-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

One for the mothers (and their children)... Please forgive the erratic punctuation :)

You never were mine,
Though I held you inside.
You never were mine,
Though we laughed and we cried.

You never were mine
Through tumultuous years;
You never were mine
Through the laughter and tears.

You never were mine
As we sang many songs -
In sweet harmonies -
They made us feel strong.

You never were mine
When we choked with despair,
When sorrows weighed heavy,
And death held our stare.

You never were mine
Through the day or the night -
Though we walked side by side,
Ever seeking the light.

You never were mine
For a moment or breath -
You aren't mine in life...
Nor will be in death.

You never were mine,
You belong to the King
He loaned you to me,
Such a marvellous thing!

Though you never were mine,
I thank God every day
That He sent you to me
... And left you to stay!

The Train

2010-06-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

The wind blew sharp and coldly
Over barren rocks and railings
While we shivered on the platform
Watching, waiting for the train.

With eyes fixed on the distance,
Icy hands tucked into armpits,
Tingling feet like horses stomping,
While we stood waiting for the train.

In the stark, unfriendly silence,
Minutes slowly ticked to hours,
Snorts and mutters of impatience
At the train that never came.

So many moments squandered,
As life crept cat-like by us,
While we snorted and we muttered
At the train that never came.

Too often living is suspended
For the dreams of Something Better,
Dreams that keep us, watching, waiting,
Like the train that never came.

...Because It Hurts

2010-06-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

Warning: This post may be distressing to readers who have lost loved ones.

The hospital room was brightly lit and painted in warm neutral tones. The man fidgetting restlessly on the chair next to the bed wasn't in physical pain. He had been "made comfortable" with morphine. Michael had no reason to fear death because he had a firm faith in a resurrection to eternal life. However, in that pleasant and comfortable room he faced a terrible trial - and it was all in his own mind.

My friend was hallucinating, and in his hallucinations,* Michael could hear his loyal and devoted sister, Sarah, (who sat quietly by the bed) plotting in whispers with nurses to take possession of his generous inheritance from their parents. No words of comfort could convince Michael that his hallucinations were anything but stark reality. There was nothing that Sarah could say in her own defense. In a peaceful hospital room, Michael was tormented as if he were on a real-life battlefield. Although completely imagined, his agony was no less real than the actual physical pain being suffered by patients in neighbouring rooms.

Thankfully, Michael's suffering is now over, and I look forward to seeing him again, not only restored, but renewed as a spirit member of God's family at Christ's return. Meanwhile, I hope I will never forget the lesson of that and other, similar, experiences witnessing the suffering of others.

Unfortunately, that lesson is not cemented as firmly as I would like. I still catch myself responding with impatience when I hear others bemoaning a trial that seems "trivial" to me. However, I continue to remind myself that a trial hurts simply because... it hurts. Someone else's pain does not need to make sense to me in order for it to be significant to them... and vice versa.

As a parent, it can be easy to laugh off the situations that really upset my children. What I need to remember is that they have neither the capacity nor experience to cope calmly with some of the "little" hurts that come their way. When a friend calls them a silly name in a fit of childish frustration, it is easy for me to brush it off because I understand that in a few days they will be friends again, but for them the entire world is collapsing because they can't anticipate what the future might bring. For a child it hurts simply because... it hurts.

Sometimes when life completely overwhelms me, the Raamonster wants to know why I am so upset. In that moment, my conscious brain is incapable of processing and explaining a potent combination of fatigue, guilt, anger, frustration, disappointment, hurt... the list goes on. I expect him to understand that it hurts simply because... it hurts. God is helping me (over time) to extend that same grace toward others.

A few months ago I was summoned to our front yard by screams of pain and terror from Miss Curie. I ran outside expecting to find her lying in a pool of her own blood. I found her instead, paralysed with the pain of... a bee sting. I'm afraid I wasn't wildly sympathetic - annoyed would be a better word. Thinking about it later, though, I realised that Miss Curie has hardly ever hurt herself. She has never been sick for very long, and her worst injuries have been slight grazes, so in her experience a bee sting felt like a life-threatening injury. So I apologised to her for my harsh reaction... and reiterated that screaming is for life-or-death emergencies (including a bee sting if she's having trouble breathing, but then I guess she couldn't scream... ANYway...).

So, whatever causes another person to suffer - however trivial it may seem - is worthy of sympathy and compassion. Of course, discernment is warranted when dealing with those people who are unwilling to change themselves and always have a new complaint that is Someone Else's Fault. However, I know that I can certainly afford to err on the side of patient and gentle, especially with my own children!

*Please note that names and details have been changed to protect privacy

What Would You Really Do?

2010-05-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been wondering what I would do if I was faced with a choice of my faith or my life. What would I really do if I had to choose between God's way and the... other way? I would like to think that I would obey God no matter what, regardless of the price.

In my ponderings I've realized that I face life-and-death choices every day - choices between the Way of Life and the... Other way. So how do I measure up? Do I stand up for what's right, or do I take the easy way out? Hmmmm, let's see...

How do I unwind at the end of a long and arduous day? Do I relish the opportunity for a spiritual detox by spending the last minutes of the day drinking in God's word, or meditating on His word or in some other way that connects me to my loving Creator? ... Or do I zone out in front of a TV or computer, or by listening to music with morally questionable lyrics (sorry, I just don't buy the idea that you can enjoy the tune without really "listening" to the words)?

Oh, I don't like the answer to that one.

How do I respond when I'm angry or hurt? Do I lovingly seek resolution and a greater understanding of others? ... Or do I explode, or retreat to my little cave to nurse my wounds and let them fester?

Nope, don't like the answer to that one either.

How do I react when faced with criticism (constructive or otherwise, it's irrelevant, really)? Do I honestly examine myself for truth in the criticism and actively seek to make restitution and change? ... Or do I explode with my own set of (definitely unconstructive) criticisms, or retreat back into that cave again?

Oh dear, this is not looking good at all.

There's a whole bunch more questions I could ask, but it's just getting too depressing...

Seriously, I have a lot to work on, but I thought it worth putting these thoughts out there because it is so easy to live life waiting for that Big Moment, or waiting for Circumstances to change so we can be our best and truest selves. Meanwhile, we are unconsciously laying a foundation for when that big moment does come. And if we're not careful, that foundation can be a very shaky one.

It's not just our outward selves, but our very thoughts and words that define who we truly are. Part of this post is also in response to reading discussions (among Christians) on Facebook that have really troubled me. Part of our calling is to separate our words and actions (not ourselves) from this world. The apostle Paul said that certain things shouldn't even be spoken about among Christians, and that there should be no crude joking among us. It becomes very difficult to separate our thoughts and words from that world when we voluntarily immerse ours minds in the blatantly amoral rubbish that dominates our TV screens. I know only too well because I have been there!

So... if you were faced with a life-and-death choice between right and wrong, what would you really do? The only way you can be sure that you will choose Right when you are faced with that Big Thing is by choosing Right now, in all the little things.

Why We Choose to Home Educate Our Kids

2010-03-13T01:34:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself when I forget. I often read posts on homeschooling forums about terrible things happening at schools - extreme bullying, rejection of moral principles, declining rates of literacy and numeracy... To me, these aren't good enough reasons to keep our kids home. A choice made only out of fear of the alternatives is a coward's choice.

Sure, some bad stuff happens in schools, but bad stuff happens in lots of other places too. Sometimes the worst thing that happens to kids is their own parents. I'm working hard with God not to be one of those parents.

For our family, home education is about laying a foundation. To some people I guess it looks like being a crazy control-freak, but I want to have a say in what's going into my kids heads and hearts. I want them to know that fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom, not numbers and the alphabet. I want them to understand that information that is not grounded in ultimate truth is worse than useless.

There are parents who can achieve these ends while sending their children to school. I congratulate them! I have seen a number of times just how vulnerable our girls are to misinformation. One day they will have the maturity to sift truth and right from the lies. One day they will have to stand against the tide of godlessness for themselves - or choose to go with it. Right now, I want to inundate them with the truth - with what it means to live for God day by day. All in preparation for the time when they will be swamped with lies and immorality and have to decide for themselves where they are going.

I don't hold up home education as the only way to bring children up in the "fear and admonition of God" by any means. It's a journey we embarked on after much prayer and discussion. In other families the prayer and discussion has led in a different direction.

I have to keep reminding myself that academics is one of the lowest priorities. My theoretical goal in our "school time" each day is to focus on character. Neat handwriting has no inherent value. The diligence and effort required to produce neat handwriting are valuable qualities. Getting every sum correct is neither here nor there, but being willing to recognise and correct mistakes is an essential quality. Artistic masterpieces will crumble into dust eventually, but working to improve drawing skills teaches the importance of growth and overcoming - characteristics with lasting merit.

Educating our children at home also allows us more time and energy to give to others. Instead of filling out endless worksheets (as happens in some, not all schools), our girls can use some of their writing time to write letters to people who could do with cheering up. Instead of the pages of meaningless sums that I remember from my childhood years (and yes, that experience taught me many important lessons, such as patience!), we can spend some of our maths time working out how much to tithe on pocket money... We could still do these things if our girls went to school, but I really appreciate the opportunity to incorporate them into their daily learning.

In the end, being able to keep our girls at home (and, of course, that doesn't mean we are actually at home all the time, we get out for a number of activities and errands each week) enables us to base their education on the foundation of God's word. I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity and capacity to put God front and centre in their lives each day.

I just need to live up to that responsibility! Being one of the weak of the world, I am so thankful that with God all things are possible!

The Gateway to the Brain (Why We are What We Eat)

2010-02-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

We live in a toxic world. Incidence of allergic and behavioural diseases has exploded in the last couple of decades. Most scientists are puzzled by this. Of course, I don't have answers myself, but I know that when God created man and woman He said that it was good.

Whatever went wrong wasn't part of God's original design. Whatever went wrong is something we have done to ourselves over centuries of ignoring God's guidelines for eating and farming. The idea that we could make God's designs better by pumping unnatural fertilisers and pesticides onto crops is ludicrous. The idea that we can make our homes healthier by slathering them with layers of unnatural chemicals is ridiculous.

We have battled all kinds of illness in our family, and over time and looking into how our bodies work, I have started to have the tiniest inkling of how the gut and the lungs are major gateways to the brain. When the gut is leaky and undigested or partially-digested food gets into the bloodstream, some of it eventually makes it to the brain. When the lining of the gut is damaged and can't absorb food properly, the brain can be starved of vital nutrients. Some additives in food mimic neurotransmitters (substances that carry messages to and from the brain), and others can block the message pathways to and from the brain. Other additives can interact with these message pathways in a way that creates a drug-like effect. Likewise, chemicals that we inhale (usually without wanting to!) are often able to enter the bloodstream through the lungs and can play havoc with those message pathways.

God didn't make foods to be toxic, we did. God didn't make air to be toxic, we did. God didn't make water toxic, we did. Unfortunately (as our family have learned) we have very little control over what enters our bodies from the air. For reasons that I don't understand, some people seem to be more sensitive to these chemicals than others. Our family avoid many public buildings these days because of the effects of fumes from cleaning chemicals, carpets, and who knows what else.

We have a bit more control over what gets to our brains from our gut. However, most of us are so detached (without choice) from how our food is grown that it's hard to know what is really in the stuff that we put into our mouths... even if it is labelled "organic" or "biodynamic" or "hormone free" - there's a huge element of trust in believing that something really is chemical free. Sadly, a lot of processed "organic" foods still contain toxic elements such as MSG, just named in a way that makes them sound more benign (I won't even get started on that!). Although it is hard to know what is really in all our food, our family have noticed a huge difference in our general health since changing to a much simpler diet. We were never big eaters of processed foods, but the preservatives in dried fruits were probably one culprit for Angelina, who had the most obvious reactions.

Ultimately, I believe that all the damage we have done to our world and our own bodies will only be fixed by Christ at His return. However, when we have a choice, it is worth asking ourselves if we are inviting poisons into our body. Surely the gateway to the brain is worth guarding! It's food for thought, anyway! :)

Was God's Hand Not on Him That Day?

2010-01-30T13:47:00.000-08:00

About seven months ago I had the opportunity to hear a survivor of the Black Saturday bushfires speak about how he and his family had been impacted on that day. By the end I'm pretty sure all his listeners were in tears. He told us about the tragic death of his brother in the fire. He also related to us how the fires from two directions stopped at the edges of the grounds of the conference centre he himself runs with his wife. A lady in the audience commented: "God's hand was really on you that day". His response was unexpected, but profound. I can't remember his exact words, so I'll have to paraphrase "I don't like to say that. My brother was a Christian and a husband and father. Was God's hand not on him that day?"

Since that day, I've pondered this a number of times. I think the majority of Christians believe that God is with us in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health... in theory. In theory we have faith that God loves us more than we can comprehend. But do our lives reflect that in practice?

When bad things happen, I often find myself responding as if God weren't there. I'm not suggesting that we should abdicate responsibility for our lives. However, when things outside our control go wrong, we can't change the outcome next time by doing things differently. Tragedy may strike us, even if we have prayed for God's guidance and wisdom in a particular area of our lives. If we focus all our energies on simply trying to prevent the same thing happening again, then we are saying one of two things: either that God is not strong enough/doesn't care enough to protect us OR that we ourselves in some way ignored or rejected God's guidance. Certainly there are times when we haven't "listened" to God, but when we have, we need to trust that the outcome - no matter how unpleasant - was according to His will.

We are often quick to praise God for the times of quiet and comfort - do we also praise Him in times of disquiet and discomfort? Aren't both in our best interests? Doesn't He know what circumstances will best promote our growth? Just imagine if the apostle Paul had given up on preaching the gospel the first time he was ship-wrecked or beaten!

Too often I find myself caught up in the badness of a bad situation, instead of asking what I can learn or how I can grow through the pain. Christ said "...blessed are the persecuted..." "...blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you..." Do we believe Him? Christ said "I'll never leave you, nor forsake you". Do we believe Him? God's hand is on us when we submit ourselves to Him, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness or in health... God doesn't suddenly abandon us in floods or fires or earthquakes or grief. Do we believe that?

King David wrote, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me." Even in moments of the most profound tragedy, God's hand is on us. It's up to us to believe it.

Leave a Hole Behind You

2010-01-23T14:41:00.000-08:00

I'm priveleged to know some pretty special people. A few years ago now we had a pretty awful car accident. Our car was written off at the beginning of an extended holiday. We received all kinds of offers of help - including the loan of another car - from people I barely knew. We were loved and looked after by people who knew the Raamonster's parents, just because we were related to them.

They, like a number of other people we know, leave a hole behind them wherever they go. Wherever they are, they give something to others. When they are gone, that something is deeply missed. Some people leave an obvious hole behind them because they are bubbly and enthusiastic and full of energy. Others leave a hole that is felt, but not seen or understood - a quiet, empty place. We don't always recognise the loss when someone moves to another area, or is absent from church, or goes back home at the end of a holiday. Even if we don't recognise it, we do feel it - whether it is a huge, gaping chasm, or a quiet, empty place. I wonder - am I the kind of person who leaves a hole behind me?*

Leaving a hole behind us is not about being well-known, or even well-liked - it's about giving the best of what we've got from God. The kind of hole I'm talking about comes from God's presence in our lives, not our own amazing personalities. It's not about being seen - it's about just being.

We live in a world where people are becoming increasingly separate and self-centred. Too often my interactions with other people are focused on doing business, not building relationships. My life can easily become little more than a series of tasks to be done as quickly and easily as possible so I can then retreat completely into a world of electronic entertainment (such as reading other people's blogs :)). Again, I have to ask myself, do I give to others? Do I invest myself in relationships? Do I leave a hole behind me?

I'd like to encourage you to look people in the eye and smile, to listen more and talk less... Wherever you go, when you leave, try to leave a hole behind you.

* I'm pondering, not fishing for compliments!

How It's All Going

2010-01-14T00:52:00.000-08:00

So what is life really like homeschooling with four young children - one being a newborn? Well... I can't tell you that, because we're on holidays right now!

Seriously, you know how it is when people say "how are you?" - generally I answer in one or two words, that encapsulate my mood at that particular moment. Usually my automatic answer is "good"... unless I'm very tired!

This is the more detailed answer for anyone out there who might be interested. Let's see...

Baby is sleeping well. This is Very Good. I would really like it if she would sleep, like, eight hours at a stretch (at night!), but I'm quite happy to settle for three (gotta be realistic!). That is Much Better than what we have had to deal with at times with the other three girls. Despite the bliss of three hours sleep at a time, I'm still tired, but hey, that's just life. It's just a stage (I think) until I get old enough to have insomnia. :)

Baby is mostly quite content and settled when she is awake and being cuddled by me. She's not so happy being cuddled by her sisters... but maybe that's something to do with the way they poke her eyes. :) She doesn't mind being on the floor (the compulsory "tummy time" commanded by Those In Authority - according to them all development happens in this position) - for a short period of time. Again, all to be expected. She is starting to smile and coo, which makes me absolutely melt. I have to say that I feel like I'm appreciating Baby more than I did the others because I really understand now how quickly the years pass. When the others were younger, I had loads of older people tell me that those early years slip away, but I think it's one of those things you don't really get until you've lived it for a while.

Our family and friends have been just fantastic in providing all kinds of support - taking the older girls on outings, cooking us meals, doing shopping... I really appreciate how thoughtful so many people have been.

Personally, I have to admit, I'm struggling with fatigue. Not exactly physical fatigue, but emotional exhaustion from the constant output required to keep our household running. It's the things that only I can do that can wear me out at times. Only I can be a mother to my children - no one else can substitute at the end of the day. No matter how many other people listen to my children, teach them, and nurture them - they still want me to listen to them, teach them and nurture them. It is something that I want to do, and that, in theory, I love to do. It's not a job I'm looking to outsource, but it is quite draining. I think the emotional "wear and tear" comes from that intense desire to do a good job, conflicting with the reality of my human frailties. How thankful I am that God fills the gaps! As an introvert, I find the sustained chatter that my girls enjoy exhausting. Actively listening to them is hard work! Having said all that, it is worthwhile work, and I think there are still areas that I'm "wasting" emotional energy on trivia, instead of committing it to the really important things.

When I think about the the challenges that other people have faced in their lives - war, starvation, abuse, chronic pain, and the like - I can feel hopelessly inadequate. It seems quite pathetic to find anything hard in my middle-class life, but ... well, I can't make my brain stop feeling tired. I can be positive and resist the great enemy of discouragement and work on being the best that I can be with God pushing me along.

There are days when I feel discouraged and overwhelmed. There are many days when I feel disappointed that I'm not investing as much in the girls' lives as I would like. There are SO many things that I want to teach them yesterday. Not academic facts, but things about life, the universe and everything. I think those feelings are a bit like getting knocked over by a big wave - rather than fighting desperately against a force far more powerful than myself, I need to just let it pass and then get my head back above water.

Anyway, for the most part I'm at peace and content with where life is, but I wanted to share some of these thoughts for others who might be in a similar place. Often the picture other people see of our lives is all bright and shiny and seemingly perfect - the reality is something much more tired, and worn, and imperfect.

And with that I will say good night!

We are the "Them" We Keep Complaining About

2009-12-30T13:03:00.000-08:00

You know how it is - more often than not, when something goes wrong in our lives, it is Someone Else's fault. We often look at the world as being made up of two groups of people: "Them" and "Us". "We" are all the friends and family who generally support the way we live our lives and don't criticize our decisions... or the people who are too disinterested to care or too far away to interfere. "They" are the Others - the people who dare to disagree with us or do things that we consider unsound or immoral. We often refer to "them" as "people". For example, "I just don't get people who... (fill the blank with an activity or thought process that you disapprove of)".

Often "they" are politicians or authority figures in some way. The thing is, we can't change "them" - we can't make them listen to us or do things our way. We *can* change "Us" - how we react and what we do to make things better. Too often, when we are complaining about "them" we are actually perpetuating a problem by not taking responsibility at our end. For example, when we complain about how much stuff gets imported from China, but aren't willing to pay a higher price for something produced without exploitation of people or resources. When we complain about the health care system, but aren't willing to pay more tax to fund a better one, then WE are the "them" we keep complaining about. When we complain about companies that pollute our air and water ways, but keep buying their products - then we are the "them" we keep complaining about. When we complain about the exploitation of children, but dress our five-year-olds in string bikinis and mini-skirts - then we are the "them" we keep complaining about. Basically, when we complain about the general unfairness of life, but don't do EVERYthing in our power to share our prosperity (not just money, but all the freedoms and priveleges we enjoy without even giving it a second thought) with those less fortunate than ourselves... then we are, and always will be, the "them" we keep complaining about.

So let's quit complaining about "them" (because - lets face it - "they" outnumber us by, like, six billion to one) and start doing something about us!

Bring On Baby Brain!

2009-12-17T21:23:00.000-08:00

OK, so I would love to know what changes go on in mother's brains after having a new baby. I've recently read a book on neuroplasticity called The Brain That Changes Itself - although I disagree with its statements regarding evolution (of course), I would definitely recommend it as a fascinating and enlightening read. Reading about just how much the brain can and does change based on input and experience makes me wonder about the whole "baby brain" phenomenon. ("Baby brain" being the standard excuse for illogical/irrational thinking in new mothers.)

See, I've noticed a pattern. Three things consistently happen to me after having a baby. First, my spatial awareness deteriorates. In practical terms that means I stub my toes a lot and run into furniture. I know, I know - that could be just fatigue, but it often happens during the day, not just when I'm stumbling around the house half-asleep at night. Second, my hands and feet "go to sleep" at random times, not just when I'm sitting cross-legged or lying on my arms. And third is the dreams.

Soon after having each baby I started having dreams that are almost hallucinations. I feel like I'm awake and I'm fully aware of where I am, but I hear things that aren't there - usually someone walking around the room or talking. I've finally learned that if I can't open my eyes or speak, then whatever I am hearing is not real. Still, it's a pretty terrifying experience - lying immobilised and mute while hearing a stranger walking around my house in the middle of the night. The interesting thing is that as soon as I hear a REAL sound my body is able to fully wake up - even though my rational brain can't distinguish the real sound from the imaginary.

So I'm just pondering - wondering why these things happen after the birth of a new baby? How does my brain redirect its functions after birth to better enable me to care for Baby? And why does this make me loopy in the process?! I can only marvel at the Mind that created us this way.

Patience or Pain? (Continued)

2009-12-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

The really difficult part of this birth for me was the waiting. Patience is not my strength, and by the end of the first 24 hours I was in tears. Anxiety and uncertainty had set in, but what could I do except... wait?

Although the pain that followed was right at the limits of my endurance, it was far easier to handle emotionally than the previous stage. This experience certainly made me much more sympathetic to those who deal with low-level chronic pain... Especially if it's enough to keep them awake at night! Just one night of mild labour pains was bad enough - I simply can't imagine enduring that kind of thing day after day AND night after night - especially without the reward of a baby at the end!

ANYway, I had all these profound thoughts to share, but now they're all gone, so I'm just going to end it there and write about something else.

Patience or Pain?

2009-12-12T03:43:00.000-08:00

This is the story of a birth.

Baby was born last week. It started at about 6pm on Monday night. To be honest, terms like "pre-labour" and "established labour" annoy me. Contractions are contractions, and regardless of how long or how far apart they are, as far as I'm concerned, contractions mean labour, plain and simple. *Technically* what I experienced for pretty much 24 hours was not "established" labour. However, it was enough to keep me awake the entire night, and since my previous two babies were born less than twelve hours after the first contraction, that felt like a LOOOONG time!

By Tuesday afternoon I was feeling physically and emotionally drained - I just wanted it all to be over. I figured intense, unrelenting pain had to be better than the waiting. At perhaps 6.30pm I labour finally became "established" and I had a bath for a bit of relief... at this point I was getting pretty... uncomfortable. About 7pm my sister, P, arrived for her visit, which we had planned the week before. Soon after that, the Raamonster and I headed out to the room in our garage, already set up with a mattress covered with a tarp and old sheets, ready to receive Baby in style. Meanwhile P kept our girlies occupied jumping on the trampoline. Soon after that my waters broke and contractions were really coming thick and fast. It was about at that point that I started to feel like I just couldn't cope and the screaming began! It felt like forever, but only a short time later, Baby's head was out, shortly followed by her body. What had taken so long in coming was finally over at 7.50pm on Tuesday night.

Raamonster went and got the girls who came to greet their new baby sister who was still wet and sticky. A little later I carried her over to the bed for a cuddle and to wait for the placenta to emerge. It wasn't really a comfortable position and the placenta wasn't as quick in coming out as with my others, so I decided to come inside and take a bath (and clean off baby who was now covered in poo!). It was just before I got into the bath that the placenta pretty much fell out (expertly caught by Raamonster - baby was still attached to the cord!), so we recruited P to cut the cord. P and I were both feeling light-headed at this point, but thankfully she managed to cut the cord *before* she fainted! ... and thankfully I didn't faint at all, since I was holding Baby! Then once Baby and I were cleaned up and dressed we all went to bed. To be continued...

Learning to Read At Joyful Mornings (Part 1)

2009-11-29T14:47:00.001-08:00

I thought it would be nice to have a bit of change of pace in this blog once in a while - a departure from the deadly serious to focus on the practical day-to-day of our lives once in a while.

I'm now well into the process of teaching a second child (Angelina) to read, so I thought I might outline some of our methods and share some of the resources I've created so that others don't have to completely reinvent the wheel.

With all the reading resources out there I suppose it seems strange that I've chosen to kind of create my own program, but it's not just because I'm a sucker for punishment. When I was first looking at teaching Miss Curie to read I faced a few dilemmas.

1)Most of what was available at our local library was based on a whole-language or look and say approach. While these methods definitely have their place in some situations, my personal opinion is that these are the exception, not the rule. I might keep some of my thoughts about the different learning to read methods for another post. Suffice it to say, based on my teaching/tutoring experience and anecdotal evidence of friends and family, I decided that phonics would be the best starting point for teaching our girls to read.

2)The few phonics books available at our library or some of the cheaper reading programs I could find to buy didn't allow for much practice of particular sounds or rules. I was looking for something that would start with just a few sounds and gradually build up Miss Curie's "repertoire" of sounds, while still giving her the chance to experience reading for herself, rather than just identifying the beginning or ending sounds of words (although that was where we started more informally)

3)I wanted a way to teach Miss Curie to JUST look at the words, not depend on the pictures or memory to "read" without really reading. Given her personality, I was pretty sure that if I let her get into haphazard methods of "reading" without really understanding how words and sounds are put together, then it would be very hard for her to progress later on. Since verbal language is one of Miss Curie's strengths (and even more so for Angelina), she would memorize most of a book after hearing it just once, so I couldn't use books that we had already read to her to teach her to read.

4)I wanted to start really small, but for Miss Curie to feel that she had really achieved something in our reading "sessions".

All these factors led me to writing super-short stories for her to "illustrate" herself. In each of these I tried to focus on very few sounds and the only "sight" word was "the".

Here are a few examples of our first stories:

The cat is fat.
The cat sat on the hat.
The hat is flat.
The cat is sad.

The pig is big.
The pig can dig.

As I come across others I'll gradually add them to this blog for my own records. Anyone reading this is welcome to use and share these as well (although it's not that hard to make up your own stuff anyway!). Anything that I share here is to be shared free of charge though, not to be resold in any form (not that I can imagine producing anything worth paying for - as I say, it's not that hard to make up your own basic stories with a few simple words!)

Just a final note on b,d,p and q... I've been pretty quick to correct our girls when they get these confused without making a big deal about it. When I was a kid, I used to get them confused and write in mirror writing (seems to be slightly more common with us "lefties"), but I just grew out of it. Miss Curie occasionally gets numbers backwards still, but is fine with letters, so my feeling is that until age six or seven getting the orientation of letters confused is not a big deal and most kids will grow out of it. However, I'm NOT an expert, so if there is any doubt I definitely recommend talking to someone who is!

A Blatant Regard For Others

2009-11-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago I dropped off Miss Curie for an afternoon activity. It was a pretty warm afternoon and I backed into the car park so I could get home quickly and get dinner organised as soon as Miss Curie was "signed in". I came back out to my car just a few minutes later to find another car parked directly in front of mine, completely blocking my exit. This was in an otherwise almost-empty car park.

This wasn't really a big deal. It wasn't very long before the driver of the other car came back out and drove away. My life went on pretty much as usual. However, even a few minutes delay was inconvenient. Hanging around in a car park with two small and grumpy children is no fun. I was in a quandary - should I just wait, or should I try to track down the owner of the car in case they were more than a few minutes? And I'll admit, I was more than a little peeved that in a car park with loads of other spaces close to the building, someone had had the blatant disregard for my needs to park their car in a way that totally blocked me in.

Such situations tend to get me pondering, and what came of my pondering was this. The Christian calling is about a lot more than NOT having a blatant disregard for others. It is very easy for me to feel superior to that sweet-looking older lady who drove away a few minutes later, just because I've never blocked someone else in like that (and who knows, she may, in fact, have had a really good reason). However, I have no business feeling one tiny bit superior, because I am still being passive. My first consideration in making decisions is what is best for me. I invariably choose the "path of least resistance" unless it is clearly morally wrong. This doesn't make me good, just lazy.

What if I rose to a higher standard? What if I started making decisions with a blatant regard for others? When I really meditate on the life of Christ, I'm overwhelmed by a sense of His perfection. He did so much more than JUST not do wrong - He did everything absolutely right. He always chose the "best for others" option, not the "best for me while not hurting anyone else option".

So anyway, that's what I'm working on - having a blatant regard for others. Someone let me know when I'm perfect!

Sacrifice ... or Selfishness?

2009-10-16T20:01:00.001-07:00

I often hear and read about parenting, and motherhood in particular, being the most challenging and demanding job in the universe. I also often hear about the sacrifices inherent in being a mother. Recently, I've found myself questioning how much I truly sacrifice for my family.

My basic human nature didn't suddenly evaporate in the first moment of conception, nor did I leave my fundamental selfishness behind in the labour ward when I brought Miss Curie home. Since being married, I have often believed that I was sacrificing my needs or desires for the sake of others. If I'm honest though, marriage and motherhood didn't automatically exterminate my ego. Instead, as my happiness and comfort became more entwined with the happiness and comfort of other human beings, I learned to compromise some of my desires to achieve the most favourable outcome for ... you guessed it! ... myself. It's a sad truth, but it's the honest truth, as I've been coming to see over the last few months.

Most of us like to believe that we are constantly making sacrifices for the well-being of others. Especially as parents and husbands and wives we may mentally rehearse all the things we have given up for the sake of our families. I find in my own life that, more often than not, the sacrifices are actually a trade-off. I've learned to accept that life won't be exactly as I would like, but if I look after my kids and husband then they're more likely to do what I want. I don't find it particularly enjoyable to realise that too often the goal of my living has been to bring up a husband and children that will keep me happy and comfortable.

For example, I'd like Raamonster to eat and live healthy so he has the physical and emotional energy to be a good husband to me. I feed my kids good food so I don't have to get up through the night to sick children. The ultimate results for them will probably be good, but the reality of my motivation is still downright ugly. And I could come up with plenty more examples of how my input into the family unit is ultimately self-motivated, not other-centred. I could, but it's just too embarrassing to list them all here!!!

So I'm working on ditching my traditional martyr mentality and actually investing in truly selfless sacrifice. The change of mindset is sure to be a lifelong process!

Every Little Bit (To All My Sisters Everywhere)

2009-09-11T07:21:00.001-07:00

In a few weeks, I'm looking forward to being reunited with sisters (and brothers) from around the world. Some are sisters by blood, some by marriage, all are my sisters in the spirit. Some I see every week, but many I haven't seen in a year or two. However, I think of these sisters often. None of my sisters is likely to make it into a list of the world's most influential people - they're not likely to find themselves on a magazine cover for their incredible accomplishments, but they are still the people I truly admire.

Some of us have the close bonds of shared experience - for some it is chronic illness, for others marriage challenges, yet others share the experience of staring into the abyss of mental breakdown. But even for those who haven't (yet) faced these "big" things, we all share the experience of the daily grind. I believe we have all known at times (unless we are truly living in fantasy land) the discouragement of (many) failure(s), the sense of inadequacy to simply live our day-to-day lives. I think every one of us has been overwhelmed at times by the unbending years that stretch both before and behind us, burdened by a feeling of chronic underachievement.

We live in a world that admires only big things and flamboyant achievements. Most of my sisters won't do anything spectacular in their lives. No solo trips around the world, no raising fourteen children single-handed, no raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity. Next to the people who do these big things we often feel so very small and weak. In the end though, it's not the moments of greatness that count, but every little bit.

The people I truly admire and look up to are my ordinary sisters. You know the ones, the people who just quietly get on with their lives - you're probably one of them. We have to fight against the world every step of the way. The world that tells us that we have to be something extraordinary if we are to be anything at all. So often we can feel discouraged as days melt into weeks, and months and years with little more to show on the outside than all the signs of our battle fatigue - wrinkles and love handles and sagging bits. But what's on the inside? What really counts is every little step we take forward. We're not called to account for where we started on our life's journey, or for where we finished according to the worlds' standards. The true measure of our success is every little bit.

Perhaps you're wondering what on earth I'm talking about. I mean every smile that wanted to be a frown, every hug that wanted to be a slap across the face, every tear we cry for someone else, every gift that we wanted to keep for ourselves, every moment of time given away instead of hoarded for "me" time (yes, I know we all need time to recharge alone, but we also learn that some days the time we have to give someone else is more important than time for ourselves) - all these small victories in the battle against ourselves accumulate over time to create true greatness. The measure of our success is not how we compare to other people - it is how we compare to ourselves yesterday, two weeks ago, three months ago, five years ago...

Reality teaches us that we will fail, we will be inadequate, we will get discouraged and downtrodden. There will be days when we go backwards, but as long as the sum of our journey is moving forwards, that's what counts. Every little bit. Every moment that we admit that we were wrong is a step forward. Every time we bite our tongue instead of chewing off someone's ear is a step forward. Every time we hold our ground with those stubborn little people in our lives is a step forward. Truly, these little things are not so little. The struggle to overcome self in a world that promotes "number one" is not to be underestimated. Yet, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

So, my dear sisters (oh, all right! and brothers, too) everywhere, by all means be ready to acknowledge the dark and ugly parts of yourself, and be ready to admit when you are wrong, but when you feel discouraged - when you feel like you're stuck, just remember, moments of outward greatness are insignificant compared to every little bit of your life.

Grace Is Not A Rubbish Bin

2009-09-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

I often hear Christians talk about grace. Sadly, there are times when it seems to be brought up as a justification for doing the wrong thing. While grace does cover our sins, I think we Christians must take care not to use grace as an excuse for all our downfalls or a license to carry on our lives, unchanging.

Grace is not a rubbish bin for us to put in a corner and throw all of our spiritual garbage into. Nor is it a magic lamp that will exempt us from the consequences of our mistakes. Grace is a beautiful gift from the Creator Himself which deserves a place of honour in our homes. It is not the "too-hard-basket" where we put all the things that need to change, but require a lot of hard work. Rather, the magnitude and preciousness of this gift should drive us to grow spiritually far beyond what we would be humanly capable of.

Too often, by our words or actions, we can find ourselves treating Christ's perfect and immeasurable sacrifice with contempt. Grace deserves a place on the mantelpiece, not under the kitchen sink.

Comparison Paralysis

2009-08-17T16:39:00.000-07:00

One day, I hope I will get through an entire day without concerning myself about how other people are living their lives. I think the temptation to compare ourselves with others leaks into every aspect of our lives if we are honest with ourselves.

It can seem harmless enough - looking for a benchmark to measure our own or our children's progress. The reality, though, is that comparisons are paralysing.

If I decide that - despite all my shortcomings - I am feeding my children better than Betty, teaching my children better than Sally, disciplining my children better than Mary, and having more fun with my children than Lucy (you may imagine that Lucy is not much fun to be around at all!) - then I give myself a big old pat on the back and don't look at where I can and should change. I become paralysed by self-congratulation.

On the other hand, if all I can see is that Betty is teaching her children three languages; Mary has never let any artificial ingredient pass the lips of her five little treasures, ever; Sally sings songs and plays games with her children every day; and Lucy has certainly never let her children whine or scream - then I become paralysed by a sense of hopelessness because I can't hope to live up to those kinds of standards.

Most of us want to do the best we can with what we have, whether we have children or not. While we can learn and discern - learn from the successes and failures of those around us, and discern that certain practices are not right or wise - it is destructive to "compare ourselves among ourselves".

The measure of success is not where we are, but where we're going. Comparison paralysis is one of the most effective ways to stop us dead in our tracks - either through self-satisfaction or discouragement. Either because we see where we are right now as perfectly adequate (because others are so far behind us that we must be doing well), or because our destination seems unattainable (because others are so far ahead of us that we couldn't possibly catch up).

We can only live the life that we have been given. If we're busy watching where other people are going, we're sure to stumble or come to a complete stop. Looking out for the mistakes or successes of those around us simply blinds us to our own faults. My goal, when my stupid mind starts critiquing others, is to turn that critique inwards and ask myself - what insecurities and sins am I trying to hide in myself? If someone else's parenting style upsets me, it's a very loud alarm bell that I need to start paying a lot more attention to my personal inconsistencies. On the other hand, if I get totally discouraged because someone else seems to have it all together, then I need to examine whether my priorities are in keeping with my circumstances (teaching three languages is not in keeping with my present circumstances, but I certainly congratulate anyone out there who is teaching their kids three languages!). I also need to examine how much my priorities are being driven by concern about my image.

I truly believe that feeling self-satisfied and feeling inadequate are both forms of pride. Self-satisfaction reflects pride in doing better than someone else; a sense of inadequacy reflects the wounded pride of not living up to the standard we feel we should be able to achieve (go ahead, disagree with me!).

It's only natural as human beings that we will feel self-satisfied at times, and inadequate at other times. True satisfaction comes from knowing that we are working with what God gives us to grow; a sense of inadequacy can spur us on to work harder, reach higher, and depend on God to fill in the many gaps.

Instead of looking at the lives of others as a benchmark for my own success, I am trying to admire the admirable, and encourage and facilitate the growth of others by the way I live (easier said than done!!) and relate to my fellow human beings. Life isn't a race to the finish with one winner and a whole bunch of losers. The destination itself is the goal, not being the first or the best person to get there. If we let comparison paralysis take over, we won't get there at all, but if we focus on that end goal and a desire for everyone to reach it, we might even find ourselves helping others to get there as well.

In Sickness And In Health

2009-08-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

Recently, while I was browsing through some old photos, I came across some of Angelina that made me cry. They weren't cute or endearing, they were downright painful to see. These were photos of her eczema that I had sent to a friend in the hope that this friend might be able to suggest something we could do for her.

Seeing those photos again was both shocking and encouraging. Shocking because it hit me for the first time just how much our little girl suffered for months on end. Encouraging because I am SOOOO thankful that we are not in that place any more. Now, the eczema covers perhaps 5% of her body, then it was more like 90%.

Anyone who has never had an itchy rash simply can't imagine what it's like. If you haven't experienced it, you can't possibly fathom the agony of itching so intense that you are willing to take almost any pain just to have a few moment's relief from that itch.

Likewise I can't imagine what it is like to have a child with some other chronic illness. Although it would be foolish for me to think that I understand what it would be like to have a child with cancer or Downs syndrome or diabetes, or any number of other conditions, I believe that there is some common ground when you have suffered through broken nights and agonising days with a child limited by pain or disability. I believe that there are lessons we can learn together for the sake of our beloved children.

When we experience (as so many of us do in one way or another) being unable to offer our child relief from their grief or pain or frustration, we naturally want to protect them from any other pain or suffering. We want to wrap them up in every possible comfort to compensate for our powerlessness. We want to shelter them from every external frustration and inconvenience to make up for the fact that there is NOTHING we can do to stop or control that inner pain. Those who have been there will understand exactly what I mean when I say that that NOTHING, that complete and utter helplessness, can become the prison of a parent's worst nightmares.

However, in those days of darkness, I truly believe that in order to become our children's allies and not their enemies we must not protect and shelter them as we so desperately desire. OF COURSE we should always offer the comfort and shelter or our unconditional love, but that same love must still teach them the immovable and unchanging standards of right and wrong.

When a suffering child lashes out physically or verbally at others, our temptation as parents is to make an exception to our own standards - "Michael was just frustrated because no one could understand him, that's why he punched his little sister in the face"; "Annabelle is in a lot of pain, I can't blame her for cursing the nurse who was taking her blood"; "People call Jennifer an idiot all the time, so it's fair enough for her to call her teacher an idiot". I am NOT suggesting that we shouldn't allow our children to express their pain, but if we allow them to express pain in a way that is deliberately and consciously hurtful to others, we are robbing them of a tremendous gift.

"What is she on about?" I can hear you ask! Only this: in hindsight, I can see that the experience of suffering has left our Angelina with a legacy of empathy, hope and patience. Don't get me wrong, we are FAR from the perfect parents, and Angelina is by no means the model child. We DID make too many allowances for her in our moments of weakness. However, our overall goal was to teach her to manage, and grow from, her pain and frustration. While we would be deceiving ourselves to claim 100% success, I can see that these experiences have left a positive mark on her character. We can see now that Angelina doesn't give up straight away when a task gets too hard - some of this is personality, of course - but I think her experience of pushing through pain in the real world (not in a parentally created padded cell) contributed to her spirit of endurance now.

I'd just like to encourage all the parents out there to keep the end goal in mind when your children are in distress. While we don't want our children to suffer unreasonable pain, I think it's worth pausing for a moment before we reach for the panadol or ice cream or remote control - a few of the quick ways of easing our child's suffering or distracting them from sadness, anger or frustration. When we instantly remove mild pain or distract them from minor emotional distress we may be robbing our children of the gift of resilience. Our goal for our children is surely that they find true joy and satisfaction in life, even during unfavourable or downright horrible circumstances that are completely out of their control. We want to encourage that strength of character only born through suffering - the strength of character that will enable them to stand up for truth and right, even when the consequences may be pain or even death. I would rather teach my children to die for what is right than to simply survive at all costs.

If we teach our children, by simply rescuing them from all suffering, that happiness and joy come from the outside, we leave them utterly helpless against the future storms that will rage against them in this increasingly toxic world. On the other hand, if we teach our children to face suffering with courage, dignity and hope, we equip them to be a shining light in the darkness of an increasingly immoral world. We help them build the inner strength that allows them to live this temporary life with integrity, looking forward to an unimaginably beautiful eternal future reality.

Allowing our children to suffer is an incredibly difficult and often discouraging road to walk, but our pledge to our children should be as it is to our husbands and wives - to give them our best in sickness and in health, until death us do part. Whatever your personal journey, I pray that God be with you.

I'd Like To Clarify

2009-07-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

I should have written this a few days ago, but here I am at last. I'd just like to clarify that in my post "Why I Don't Join" I mentioned at the end the need to avoid hypocrisy. Occasionally I re-read the stuff I've written, and I've realised that this may seem to be accusing OTHERS of hypocrisy. I'd like to restate that I must not to use my personal convictions as an excuse to live a passive and unchanging life. I'm not leveling criticism at anyone else, but making an observation on my own weakness. I truly apologise if I've caused any offense.

At Arm's Length

2009-06-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

Is it just me? I've been noticing recently that I tend to keep relationships at arm's length. Do you know what I mean? Conversations are kept at a chit-chat level. It seems like there's this wall of unspoken pain dividing me from the people I talk to. You know the tension you sense sometimes when you ask someone how they are? They give a noncommittal non-answer and you know that all is not well, but feel that they really don't want you to dig any deeper. They're keeping you at arm's length.

Why? Why do we do this to ourselves and each other? Or is it just me? I don't think it's healthy and I don't think it's what anyone really wants. I think maybe there's a connection between getting so busy with the stuff of life that we lose touch with the people of life.

Do we think that others won't understand if we tell them what's going on in our heads? Are we afraid of admitting that our lives aren't perfect? Are we afraid of burdening others? Ironically, I find myself whinging about trivial things, while the big challenges of life remain an unspoken burden.

I don't have answers today, just lots of questions. Is it just me?

Why I Don't Join

2009-04-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

A few times recently I've been asked to give my support in various ways to various "causes". My answer is always "no". I don't do rallies or petitions or donate to medical research or sell raffle tickets. That's right, I'm a mean, mean, nasty, horrible person.

Seriously, there is a reason I don't participate in any of these ventures. In most cases, their aims are good. I do believe that homebirthing should have an equal if not higher status than medicalised birth, but I haven't taken part in any rallies. I have a number of dear friends with MS who I would love to see healed, but I don't sell raffle tickets for the MS foundation (is that what they're called?). I also believe in many ideals that have no causes (that I know of) supporting them. I am against child abuse and neglect, but no one has ever asked me to donate to the child neglect foundation. Even if they did, though, I would say no.

I do believe that if anyone comes to me in need I should give as I am able. Food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless, etc. What I don't believe in is the politicization of these causes. As far as campaigning the government to change this or that legislation - where should I start? Sorry, but not home-birthing, as wonderful as it is. There are so many more serious and far-reaching cases of downright immorality in legislation.

The reality is, that while there are a handful of organizations I am willing to support, there are many, many more that in some way undermine the foundations of my beliefs.

For example, I worked in medical research for a year before my conscience got the better of me. I have seen how the world of medical research works, not just from my personal experiences, but in discussions with friends who are still heavily involved in medical research. Even those with the best intentions can't escape the premises and philosophies that underlie the whole system of research. Premises and philosophies that fundamentally deny God and His part in human well-being. It would be wrong for me to support a system that denies God.

As for signing petitions, or rallying, or campaigning - I live in a society that once again denies God's part in the very fabric of society. Any argument I have against laws or systems is based on the foundation of God's laws and principles. These arguments fall on deaf ears in a secular world. Nor can I put my name on a petition with those who believe that social justice simply needs a human solution. I don't believe that even a billion signatures could bring peace to the Middle East, or food to the starving, or protect orphans from exploitation. Putting my name on that list implies not only that I care about the cause, but that I believe my name can make the difference. I don't believe that my name can make the difference. I believe that we live in a broken world that only God can fix.

This is not an excuse for me to sit back and watch the world fall apart from my armchair. It is not a call to less but a call to more. Knowing that my human hands cannot make a drop-in-the-bucket difference, I have the greater responsibility of representing God's way of life to everyone I interact with. I have the responsibility to find ways that I can support the needy without compromising God's values. Importantly, I must guard every aspect of my own life from the lure of hypocrisy. My time as a human being is merely the journey, not the destination, so there will be wrong turns along the way, and I won't perfectly represent the one cause that I do stand for - the coming kingdom of God.

So that summarizes why I don't join - I have joined The Cause, and beside it, there is no other.

Decluttering

2009-03-28T02:38:00.000-07:00

OK, so this is the time of year for deep contemplation for me. (The rest of the year I don't do much thinking at all!) I have a compulsive tendency to declutter our house on a regular basis. But right now it's time to declutter my life.

I've been spurred on by what may seem an unrelated experience. Library story time. It's been a couple of years now since I attended library story time since Miss Curie has really outgrown it and - well, there are so many other things to do during the week. I was shocked at the chaos that greeted us at the library. Almost all the people there - adults and children alike - were carrying on conversations as if there wasn't a poor young lady trying to read to an undisciplined group of children. Kids were wandering around, fighting unchecked and apparently unnoticed. When I asked the librarian about it later she said that this is what it's like every week now.

So what on earth does this have to do with mental decluttering? It really drove home to me how socially acceptable it is becoming to look out for number one. It really drove home to me how rapidly our level of concern for our fellow human beings is degenerating. It really drove home to me again how disconnected we are becoming from one another.

It got me thinking about how I spend my time each day, and really intensified my urgency to focus on character in my girls. I spend way too much time and energy on selfish pursuits. If I let myself continue on that path the outlook for my girls is grim. If they don't see me sacrificing my wants for the greater good, they're not likely to go out looking to learn it elsewhere.

The pressure as mothers is to give our children "the best". (OK, I know I'm repeating myself, but repetition IS a great form of emphasis.) What we get duped into thinking is that a never-ending whirl of extra-curricular activities is what is "best". We start to truly believe that the important thing for our childrens' futures is to achieve a particular academic level (preferably well above the average for their age) along with a mile-long list of skills ranging from tying shoelaces to speaking several languages fluently. I've jumped on that bandwagon many times. There are many things I passionately want to teach my children. Of itself I don't think this is a bad thing, butI can see I've just got to keep a steady focus on what will see them through any coming storm. The extra-curricular activities truly are extras that need to fit in around the business of real living.

The most important thing is to ground my girls firmly in faith, hope and love. These are not sideshows - every activity, however exciting or mundane - needs to revolve around these principles.

So what does it look like to focus on character? For me, it means slowing down and paying attention. It means not ignoring one sister hitting the other on the head in frustration. It means not pretending not to see when The Chatterbox defies orders and pops out of bed for a play. It means not being too busy to answer questions about why we have standards for how we treat others. It means not being too tired to guide a reluctant child through writing a letter to someone who needs encouragement. It means not squashing the creative spirit of Miss Curie because it's just too much hard work to guide her ideas towards something productive.

I get tired just thinking about it. That's where I need to give up some of the things that I like to do in order to stay committed to my number one responsibility. Some of the sewing projects may gather dust on my desk for years to come. I may never find the time to buy a perfect matching set of glasses to replace the many that have broken in the last eight years. I might not get all my garlic planted before May. Trivial things, but hard to give up because I'm selfish. If I remember where we're headed and Who we're trying to honour it doesn't get easy, but it does get worth it. Dresses and glasses and gardens will all pass in time. Character lasts. Too often in the battle for our attention the trivialities win. Today, in this house, character wins. The challenge is to make sure it wins every day.

Reconnecting With Reality

2009-03-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Reality. Usually when someone loses touch with reality it's because they're getting in touch with a fantasy that seems a lot more enticing than real life. We live in a world that sends us thousands of invitations to disconnect from unpleasant realities.

I have a habit of disconnecting. Usually I detach myself from my present life because I'm trying to make it better. Looking for ways to buy stuff online so I don't have to venture into real shops with my three very real children who like to touch and try and taste all the real stuff on the real shelves. Searching for other homeschoolers close to me so I don't have to travel so far to social events. Looking for new craft and sewing ideas. Looking for the perfect curriculum so I can spend less time planning and thinking and more time doing with the girls. The theoretical goal is to have more time and energy to invest in relationships.

The thing is, real relationships happen in the real world and disconnecting from the people I love doesn't exactly foster those relationships. The natural drive for many human beings is to make things better. That is good. As long as we choose the right kind of better. So often I don't. The perfect curriculum is an utter failure if the search for it robs my children of our relationship. The perfect educational opportunity is worse than lost if by the time it eventuates my girls are traumatized by Mummy's traffic temper. The end doesn't justify the means if the means destroys the end.

The right kind of better is better understanding of each other. Better focus on the needs of others. Better ways of investing energy into the character development of my children. By the way, right now one is asleep and the other two are out at Bunnings with Daddy, so I'm not detaching myself from my family to write this!

If I'm honest with myself, I'm trying to fill myself up with my searches for better things and better ways to do things. I'm trying to fill up a great, gaping, bottomless hole with more emptiness. There's nothing wrong with shopping online or looking for people of like mind or admiring other people's handiwork or looking for better ways of teaching - not of and by themselves. There is something seriously wrong with unconsciously looking to those things for a sense of fullfillment.

So... it's time for me to reconnect with reality. Time to get back into the mucky world of actual human interaction. Time to invest myself in the relationships that won't disappear when the power fails.

Rise Up In Submission!

2009-03-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

Submission is usually viewed as a dirty word these days. It smacks of out-of-date values and patriarchal oppression. What could possibly be good about submission?

This isn't entirely about submission, but the negative emotions that tend to be attached to 'submission' are representative of a troubling trend. See, I've noticed something about my generation of women. It may be true of the men too, but since I have the most to do with other mothers, that's who I'd like to write about. We don't like to take advice. More specifically, we don't like to take advice from those who out-of-date values would urge us to call our 'elders and betters'.

We don't mind our friends reassuring us that we're doing fine, but when someone older suggests that there might be a better way to parent, we muse that they can't possibly remember what it's like; or we shrug off their comments as old-fashioned, misguided or downright wrong. What makes me think that my six years of parenting three children is superior to twenty years raising five or six? Certainly it's not a good idea to listen to everyone with an opinion - we'd spend our whole lives going round in circles. However, I think we need to carefully examine what makes us reject what our 'elders and betters' have to say.

Having come out of a medical research background, the latest research is not a good enough reason to close our minds to different ideas. Researchers are still human, they have unavoidable biases - ALL of them - and at any given time most researchers are really only looking at one variable. At one time, the latest research showed that soft drinks caused polio. Later on, another scientist found that polio and soft drink consumption were two unrelated effects of the same cause - warm weather. So how do we choose who to listen to?

The book of Proverbs tells us that there is a way that seems right to a man, but the end of it is death. I fear we are all too ready to follow the trends of what seems right today, instead of going to the source of Truth to find out what is right today, tomorrow, and ever more. Instead of simply embracing parenting styles that seem right, we need to ask ourselves honestly if they are in keeping with Biblical principles. And before we object to the parenting styles of the past that don't seem right we need to be ready to consider that they may also be in keeping with Biblical principles.

Finally, I think we young mothers need to be ready to accept that we don't already have all the answers and be willing to listen to someone older and wiser than ourselves on the off chance that they might actually teach us something. Submission isn't voluntary slavery, it's the freedom to let others have the right answers once in a while. There are many other contexts for submission that I'm not even going to touch right now, but I think it's worth starting a revolution. Let's rise up against the trend of knowing it all, and submit ourselves to the possibility of being wrong once in a while. Let's rise up in submission.

Pausing to Reflect

2009-02-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that it was less than two weeks ago that life changed dramatically for thousands of Victorians. The tragedy of the loss has been on my mind ever since. My heart goes out to those who suffered - I can't even begin to imagine the depths of their grief, so I won't pretend I can.

There is so much that I want to say about what happened and why, but I feel it is not my place and not appropriate at this time. My hope is that people will pause and reflect on life and on our society and turn those reflections inward. It would be very easy to get angry and blame Them, but I believe every Victorian (including myself) should take this opportunity to carefully consider their personal responsibility.

My prayers are with those who are suffering.

Another Secret of Time

2009-02-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

We've been going to the pool a little more often now that it's been HOT. I've been amazed to see Miss Curie and Angelina are learning to swim after just five lessons at $2 each a year ago, and one free lesson this year. And even Chatterbox is blowing bubbles.

Do I have brilliantly talented children? No, not really. (Of course, I think they're brilliant because I'm their Mum, but if I'm being objective about it they're not overly sporty.) Have I been teaching them to swim myself? Well, not exactly.

And here we have the second Secret of Time that I'm discovering (only I guess it's not a secret now that I'm telling you). I'm sure many other experienced parents already know it well. If I'd spent bucketloads of money on swimming lessons the girls would probably be a bit better at swimming, but my time just being in the pool with them (and not a lot of time, at that) has achieved almost as much as several hundred dollars.

Now, my point is not to say that swimming lessons are a waste, and this is really not about money either. The great revelation to me has been just how much my time can teach my children. I have occasionally shown the girls how to blow bubbles or given Chatterbox a dunking, and the Raamonster has been involved with giving them rides on his back and getting them to jump to him. Beyond that, we really haven't set out to teach the girls to swim. It seems that just being there, in the water - talking, playing, and admiring their little achievements - was enough.

I don't like the term "quality time" because it usually implies that a little bit of time doing something big is what children need. I think that the evidence of many divided families shows that more time doing little things is more valuable in the long run. I will qualify that, though. In my experience, my time with the girls does'n't "count" for anything if I'm not mentally and emotionally present. Chatterbox doesn't get her "fix" from sitting on my lap while I'm surfing the net. Likewise with the Raamonster.

Well, I could blather on for ages, but my delightful little Angelina is reading a story (she's just learning to read), so I'd better practise what I'm preaching and give her some time!

Life in the Trenches

2009-01-23T01:17:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, for many of us Mums (the ones I talk to, anyway - I am yet to meet a Supermum, possibly because she's too busy being perfect to fit in a social life) life can seem like a war zone. It seems pretty often when we get together we have something to vent about.

I'm taking the time writing this to remind myself who the enemy is. Many of us are full of pent-up frustrations. We have the wonderful moments with our children, but I don't know anyone who doesn't have days when they enjoy their kids just that little bit more when they're asleep. To admit this out loud (or in writing) seems shocking. These bundles of joy are flesh of our flesh and bone of our bones, how is it that the very sight of them doesn't fill us with wonder and joy, even when they are that wee bit challenging? How is it that, in fact, our baser instincts drive us to practically explode with rage over the dirty laundry on the floor, or the third glass of milk spilt in the course of ten minutes, or the clothing shoved hastily in the drawer instead of properly folded?

WHO is the enemy? We have raised these children from helpless infants. We are working to build their character. They are our equals in awesome potential. They are our equals in human value. We are nourishing and nurturing them in the hope and belief that they can become something great if they choose Right. Why is this incredible responsibility and opportunity such a dreary grind sometimes?

WHO IS the enemy? Many of us actively chose to be parents (I think at least some of this applies to Dads as well, even though I don't happen to be one myself). The birth of each child was often anticipated with excitement. Many of us pored over pregnancy books studying each stage of development, mentally measuring our unborn child each week. We planned all the awful things we would NEVER do as parents, and all the wonderful things we WOULD do. What happened to that dream? Is it gone? Are we simply reduced to surviving day by day, gritting our teeth and waiting for the day our Little Treasures walk out the door so we can cuddle up to photo albums and relive the beautiful moments we didn't have time to live the first time round?

My mistake so often is to think that my children are the enemy. I don't say it to myself, and it's horrible to admit, but if I truthfully examine our bad days, by my actions, I am treating my children as the enemy.

I think there are many enemies in the war zone of our lives. Some people, I'm sure, would argue that life isn't a war zone at all. They have a few minor skirmishes, but overall enjoy peace. I'm not satisfied with that. As long as there are people starving, or being sold into slavery, or in pain, or aching from loneliness or broken relationships - as long as there is any suffering - I am at war. I am at war against all the forces to make me part of what this world is. There are only two choices - to be part of what the world is, or to be part of what it is going to become.

There are many enemies, but who is THE Enemy? The enemy is one who was once called a Light-bringer and I now know by the name of Satan. Since most people don't believe he really exists, he is a very effective enemy, especially against the family. He wants us to direct our attacks at each other and if we don't believe he is there, that is just what we will do.

It may seem like I'm writing out of discouragement, or even despair, but I'm not. I write with hope and conviction. My Ally is much more powerful than my enemy. If I depend on God and maintain the vision and dream of where our family is headed, then nothing can stop me. It is when I lose that vision, when it is blurred by battle fatigue, that I forget the real enemy.

Having a vision beyond ballet and soccer and spelling and maths and dirty laundry and dirty dishes doesn't mean that life is going to get easy. It just gives us the courage to keep pushing through because there is a much bigger and better purpose than our children becoming aeronautical engineers. And that vision is for our children as well. KNOWING that there is something beyond teething and teen angst will help get them through OUR bad attitudes and obnoxious behaviour.

I look forward to letting my children know day by day that we're on the same side and marching with them towards a future that is brighter than any of us can begin to imagine.

PS The BEST thing about this vision is the absolute assurance that it is ultimately available for everyone, even those who die convinced that the bible is no more than a great work of historical fiction.

Guilt and Getting Over Ourselves

2009-01-12T03:10:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make - I don't read Chatterbox three books a day. Some days I don't even read her one! Shhh - don't tell Mem Fox, will you?

This post has been rolling around in my head for ages. I forgot to put the bread in the oven earlier, so now, while I'm up waiting for the bread to cook, I figured I might as well spit it out.

Mem Fox is not the only person out there with great ideas about Stuff You Should Do With Your Kids. And don't get me wrong, I'm all for reading to children. I'm also all for singing to them, and teaching them a language, and getting them out in the garden, and taking them for walks, and cooking with them, and teaching them table manners, and early potty training (or, even better, elimination communication), and extended breast-feeding, and large families, and praying together, and eating meals together, and teaching them to work, and teaching them to manage money from a young age, and teaching them to swim, and getting them involved in team sports, and in serving the community as a family... Need I go on? Do you start to see where I'm going with this?

I have days when I get really weighed down with guilt over all the worthwhile things that I'm not doing with my kids on a regular basis. Let me examine what that guilt is really about. Do I believe that early potty training will have a long-lasting benefit on my child's character and emotional well-being? No. Do I believe that stopping breast-feeding two weeks before Chatterbox turned two is going to substantially limit her potential? No. Do I believe that my children will all drown in the bathtub if they don't learn to swim by the age of eight? No. Do I believe that my children will grow up unable to interact with others if they are not involved in team sports and community service right now? No. If I analyse all those points above, I find the answers are much the same.

So why do I feel guilty? Oh, hang on, it's not really guilt at all, is it? I'm worried about my IMAGE. I want my kids to make ME look good to others! Someone out there is going to think that I've failed because I gave up breastfeeding Miss Curie when she was only thirteen months old. Someone out there will think I'm totally slack for bumming around at home instead of taking the kids swimming. Someone out there will be disgusted that Angelina can't catch a ball. Someone out there will think that I'm doing something really wrong when Chatterbox chucks a wobbly in the supermarket.

WOAH! Back up there! Doesn't it mean my discipline is failing if my kids misbehave? Not necessarily - it means they're human and sometimes think "I want that shiny stuff and I'm gonna get it, and hang the consequences". More or less.

Side note here - I am NOT a perfect parent. I've got lots that needs to change. My discipline DOES often fail. But my kids' behaviour at any given moment is not a barometer of my success or failure as a parent.

I'm not writing this post because I ascribe to the "I'm OK, you're OK, we're all OK" philosophy. NO WAY! Quite the opposite, in fact. It is SO not OK for me to base my parenting decisions on how they make ME look. I need to get over myself. Whatever I do, I'm going to look bad to someone. My decisions as a parent need to be based on solid biblical principles. I need to do what's right because it's what GOD wants and what will build CHARACTER in my children, not because it will make me look good.

The bible is surprisingly devoid of statements along the lines of "thou shalt engage thy child in 4.5 hours of extracurricular activities per week" This "deficit" of specific intstructions doesn't take away from my responsibility as a parent. It adds to my responsibility. I have to make a judgement based on biblical principles as to what are the greatest needs in the lives of my children.

A couple of years ago now we started down the road of trying to track down the cause of Angelina's eczema. In retrospect I would have to say that the harder I tried to fix it, the worse it got. In retrospect, I would also have to say that my search for answers was triggered by FEAR of what other people would think of me if I did "nothing". Looking back I think some of the dietary restrictions exacerbated the problem, possibly due to - *gulp* - malnutrition. I'm not intending to launch into a medical analysis, but that experience was a disturbing example of me putting my personal image ahead of true righteousness and truly responsible parenting.

I guess I don't mind after all if you tell Mem Fox I don't read Chatterbox three books a day. I reckon she'll understand anyway, but even if she doesn't, that's not my problem. Now I'd better be a responsible parent and go to bed so I'm ready to greet Chatterbox with a smile at 6am tomorrow morning.

Homesick

2008-12-27T01:28:00.000-08:00

With silent groans our hearts cry for home,
We are strangers here, in a land not our own.
Poured out like water on unyielding land,
Homesick and hungry since life first began.

Our lives written in blood, all our songs sung with pain,
Like a drought-stricken land, yearning for rain.
Yet all anguish is joy when we dream of our place,
Prepared just for us by God in His grace.

So whether we fade, oh, so slowly away,
Or, like a lily, bloom and wilt in a day,
Whether in psalms or unutterable moans,
Our cry is the same: "Bring us home! Bring us home!"

The Secret of Time

2008-12-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

No one with any sense or sense of responsibilty would deny that parenting is a challenge. I'm pretty sure that worrying about whether you're doing the right thing is pretty common ground for most parents too.

When dealing with a troubling attitude or behavioural issue, it's only natural that we want to "fix" it straight away. If you're anything like me, if a discipline approach doesn't work within a few days (if not within a few hours), you want to give up on it and try something else.

Recently, I've been reminded of the secret ingredient of Time. No, not spending time with your kids. That's obviously crucial, but what I mean in this case is allowing kids the time to absorb the lesson you're trying to teach.

Chatterbox, like our other two at the same age, doesn't like to go to bed. Sleep must appear to be some kind of masochistic scheme to the two-year-old brain. Anyway, once she worked out how to climb out of the cot, even when the side was up, the battle lines were drawn. Night after night we were putting that sweet little cupcake back into bed with "reminders" that it was definitely Bed Time. Now that the worst is over, I remember that the battle with Miss Curie was equally drawn-out. Anyway, success crept up on us, over time. There are still loud protests and requests for water, hair clips and various other random items each bed time, but these are diminishing over time, AND she no longer gets out of bed! Hooray!

I expect many more such challenges to come our way over the years, and many more such lessons to be learnt!

Consistency is Key?

2008-12-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

Since very early in my parenting journey, the phrase "consistency is key" has become a daunting refrain, echoed by many parents along varying stages of their journey - most of them at the end of it, though. (Yes, yes, I know you never stop being a parent, but by "the end" I mean that their kids have left home and are now largely responsible for their own lives).

Every time I think about consistency my stomach knots up, my throat tightens, and my head starts to buzz. I believe these are symptoms of panic. I panic because I know that if consistency is The Key of Competent Parenting, I am an utter failure after a mere six years in the trenches.

Consistency is completely impossible when you suffer from a severe case of "mother brain" (like "pregnant brain", only worse). How on earth can one consistently enforce rules and regulations that retreat to a fuzzy haze of uncertainty mere seconds after being declared? "I think I'm sure I might have told you that if you cut your hair again you wouldn't be allowed to use the scissors again for the rest of the week," somehow lacks conviction.

So what hope, if any, is there for those of us stuck in the doldrums of inconsistency? Or - more to the point - what hope is there for our children?

After pondering this point for some time, and considering the lack of biblical instruction on the Importance of Consistency, I feel reassured that my children are not (yet) doomed to eternal failure.

Certain things are consistent in our household. The Bible is the standard. God's Word is unchanging and absolute truth. Life is not about being good, it's about growing good. As humans we will fail - in the Raamonster household, failure is fairly frequent. Acknowledging our mistakes and our need for God and striving to do better next time, now that is key. Our children need to be allowed to be human too.

When we get lost on our way to an unfamiliar place, most of us don't give up on the whole journey just because we made a wrong turn. Depending on the degree of our error, that wrong turn may have small (being a little bit late if we miss a turn-off) or big (a car accident if we go the wrong way up a one-way street) consequences, but if we are willing to do a course correction, we can still reach our destination. On the other hand, if we keep heading in the wrong direction, we'll never get there.

So, my conclusion is this: there should be consistency in our standards (i.e. at no time ever is it OK to lie) and in our ultimate goal (the glory of God and eternal life for everyone according to His plan). However, by our very nature, our administration of the standards and the goal is doomed to inconsistency (we might be too soft or too hard in dealing out consequences, depending on our mood, the time of the month, how much sleep we've had, etc). That doesn't mean that our children are doomed. It just means that they'll learn to be human just like us.

All Is Quiet... For Now

2008-10-25T03:37:00.000-07:00

All is quiet here. Babies are asleep and the Raamonster is out watching a movie.

Lately I am full of sadness. Sadness for a world, so tangled up in the threat of financial disaster, that it doesn't see that disaster has already struck in the heart of every nation. We are consumed with greed. Every time I walk through a shopping centre (and I'm not talking mega-mall, here, just a run-of-the-mill supermarket even), I am struck by the overwhelming amount of STUFF sitting on the shelves, strategically placed and packaged to make us want to buy, buy, buy. This is not the fault of some ethereal "Them", it is OUR fault. To some degree, we all fuel that bonfire.

So what? Little greed leads to big greed and big greed leads to the destruction of little people. If we were willing to pay more for our clothes (and have less of them as a result), then little people would get paid more for making them. If we were willing to pay more for our food, farmers wouldn't be enslaved into buying seeds every year from the same huge company because those seeds are specially engineered so that the second generation of seed isn't viable.

I see so much in myself that needs to change. All those little people matter to God, they should matter to me too. If I'm hurting someone else by fulfilling MY wants (and let's face it, so many things we buy or do are really wants, NOT needs), then I am wrong, wrong, wrong.

All is quiet for now, but the system of greed is fundamentally flawed (and more importantly, morally flawed) and simply cannot last forever. So when the trumpet blast breaks the silence, the question is - whose side will I be on? Greed, or the Other side?

The Definition of Me

2008-09-30T01:41:00.000-07:00

That title does sound very self-centred, but my intent is to be introspective and not tell YOU what the definition of 'you' is. That's for you to decide for yourself.

Life here at Joyful Mornings has had some ups and downs. During the 'downs' I got to feeling pretty sorry for myself (OK, let's make that A LOT sorry for myself). Since many of those downs have been due to circumstances beyond my control, my unhappiness was, of course, Someone Else's fault.

More recently, things have been more up, but I have found myself continuing to be unhappy. This was the beginning of the Great Revelation. I should already have understood from the scriptures such as the Apostle Paul's statement that he had learned "in whatever state, to be content" (and that was after some pretty harrowing experiences, to put it mildly). What I should have understood already is that I choose peace and contentment... or not.

It's not the bed less-than-perfectly made (not by me, of course!), or the toys still on the floor after they were meant to have been put away that rob me of my joy. Nor is it the far bigger hurts. It is me. (Yes, I know I should say 'I', but I'm not gonna). Me who robs me of contentment. I am the definition of me. Not Someone Else, not Unavoidable Circumstances.

Hang on, though, I'm not done. This process of contentment needs God. Without Him guiding me through, there can be no peace. With Him, there can. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, therefore it is impossible without God, but possible in ALL circumstances with God - yes, ALL. God's power is not limited by our pathetic human perceptions of joy, fear, pain, loss and contentment.

One other thing - joy and contentment don't require an absence of pain. Some of the most peaceful times in my inner life have been the most outwardly tumultuous and painful. Even in the midst of sobs that seem to tear the body from top to bottom, there can be joy and contentment... with God. Jesus Christ epitomized this in His crucifixion and death. Joy is a fruit of the spirit. Christ had a full measure of the spirit at all times. Therefore Christ was joyful even while in utter agony of mind, body and spirit. QED.

So, today I choose joy. God grant me the wisdom, strength and maturity to choose it tomorrow and ever after.

The Price You Pay

2008-09-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

I'm only "allowed" to have some precious alone time if I write in this blog, so, to keep The Raamonster happy, here I am - writing...

I'm undergoing a crisis again. It's just one of those cycles. Sometimes it's the garden that's overwhelming, sometimes the laundry. A lot of the time it's controlling my temper. Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed by children. I just need to look at those priorities again. Remind myself where I'm going. Getting lost is to be expected when you forget your destination!

Well, I've done my bit - written something down. Now I'm going to enjoy my time!

Stand Up For The TRUTH, Otherwise, Stand Down

2008-09-15T02:28:00.000-07:00

Being a mother is a very emotional journey. In my experience, it is made even more emotional and tumultuous by the many highly-charged opinions fired from all directions regarding pretty much every aspect of parenting. We mamas have tremendous power to hurt each other when we fling our emotional baggage at each other.

Don't get me wrong, I believe absolutely in standing up for the truth. What I'm coming to realise is how careful I need to be in defining something as right. Do my beliefs stand up to being tested against the Word of God? Am I giving unsolicited advice from my own overactive brain, or is it grounded in Truth? Yeah, that's right, truth with a capital 'T'.

Let me give an example: I am against immunisation. Why? I believe that trusting the inadequate (immunisations are not guaranteed 100% effective) defenses against disease, manufactured by inadequate human beings, is expressing a lack of faith in God and His supreme design. Hang on, what does the bible say? "Thou shalt not immunise thy children"? Nope. "Thou shalt completely trust in God to heal or prevent every illness or injury without outside intervention"? Nope. I'm still against immunisation, so what's my conclusion?

My conclusion is this: if someone wants my opinion on immunisation, I will give it - VERY carefully and gently (at least, I'll try - after all, I'm not going to get it right every time). If it comes to disagreement, I may challenge other people's views if it is appropriate. If it gets emotional, that's where I'll stand down. That seems like a pretty simple formula, it's the implementation that will be the challenge.

I could give lots of other examples, but I won't. It's so easy for me to hop up on my soapbox and expound on, well, just about anything really, but I really think it's important to stop and think. Oftentimes I'm fuelled by pride. I want to prove without any shadow of a doubt that what I'M doing with MY children is right. Well, here's a wake-up call - it is a 100% guarantee that I'm doing a whole bunch of things WRONG because I'm human, not God!

So here's my plan: before I launch into lecture #3856 on The Correct Method of Parenting, I'm going to ask myself, "Is this God's Truth, or is it my truth?" And then, I'm either going to stand up for the Truth, or I'm going to stand down.

What Is REALLY Important?

2008-07-10T03:03:00.000-07:00

That's the question I'm asking myself today. With three young kiddies it's so easy to lose hold of the things that are really important. The fact of life is that children need to be fed, nappies need to be changed, and behaviour issues can't be put on hold.

Needs and wants can get blurred very quickly, and there are always plenty of gentle suggestions from the sidelines about things that we really should be doing... And while there are certain core, foundational truths - e.g. the ten commandments - there is no specific formula for life (e.g. 7am - get up, 7.30am - bible study, 8am visit sick/elderly). The best method of implementing our values changes from day to day.

Even if there were a formula I guess I would struggle to follow it anyway.

So... I'm just mulling this over, meditating on how much of my time is spent doing things that really count, whether mundane or exciting. Meanwhile, we keep plodding on, and I am gradually turning some of the important things into daily habits.

My small victory at the moment is that we are actually reading the bible together (almost) every morning. I plan on incorporating more of the really important things into every day - one step at a time.

A Question of Faith...

2008-07-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

Life is a battle right now. A battle to get out of bed every morning. A battle not to get side-tracked by the menial tasks. A battle to do the things that really should be done before the things that I just really want to do.

So what does that have to do with a question of faith? Let me answer that as clearly as I can through the fog of mother-brain.

My time and energy are being sapped by trivialities because I don't have the faith to trust that God will look over the 99.999999 (OK, you get the idea)% of the universe that I have no control over and no responsibility for. I cannot change the amount of packaging that my food comes wrapped in. No really, I can't. Three young children is more of a priority than a one-woman campaign against supermarket giants and midgets alike. SOOOO I can stop stressing myself over trying to reuse every scrap of packaging. (What about your recycle bin? I hear you say. To which my answer is that I have serious doubts about how good recycling is for the environment - better to use less to start with, in my mind).

Anyway, that's just a small example. The point is, I can't compensate for all the wrong stuff that goes on in the world. I can hate it. I can work really hard to overcome my sins through the power of God's spirit. I can teach my children. I can speak the truth in love. But I can't, can't, CAN'T by the greatest stretch of my will and strength change one single thing about any other person.

So here's to being an inspiration and encouragement to others by being the best that I can be, and having the faith that God will deal with everything else ... perfectly!

Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad World?

2008-03-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

It seems from some of the forums that I've been on recently, there are people out there who think the world is a wonderful place, not the big, bad world at all.

I wonder if the people who believe this would like to be Wonderful World ambassadors to the child soldiers in Uganda? Or perhaps they would like to take their message of positive energy to the mothers with AIDS in Africa who will shortly be leaving their children as orphans? Maybe the children sold by their own parents to sweat shops and brothels would be enlightened by the understanding that they are part of this great planet's amazing diversity? Those who have lost their limbs to land mines might have a better attitude about their lot in life if they truly understood that they are just part of that Great Circle of Life - to eat or be eaten? What about the children in our own backyard who are abused or neglected by their own parents, is it time they learned that it's not a big, bad world at all?

NO!! The world is not a wonderful place! It has the potential to be brilliant under the right leadership. It was created with purpose, but that purpose has not been achieved, because man is fallen. The inherent goodness of man is a lie, proven by seven millenia of descent into increasing chaos. Our current world is the cumulative effect of mankind's dismal FAILURE at goodness.

Only Christ's return will bring the world to what it should be. He will bring hope not only for the living, but for the dead. Know God, and you know that He has planned for everyone. He has not neglected the millions of children who have died not even knowing His name. Like everyone else, they will have their chance.

This is what our family is about. This is where we're headed. We stumble, we fall, we get discouraged, we are HUMAN. But ultimately, we are keeping our eyes on the prize - a perfect eternity for everyone who will choose it.

Starting now...

2007-12-19T20:56:00.000-08:00

Starting now, my life is going to be organized. Well, that's the idea, anyway! DD5 (aka The Spanner) is going to 'start' school at home next year and I have all sorts of grand plans floating around in my head.

The idea is that this blog is going to be the beginning of a little family business. Not to make money, but more to teach the girls all sorts of useful things like diligence, maths, managing money - just to name a few.

Of course, the number one goal for this family is to be heading for God's kingdom, and I have to keep reminding myself of that when I start to think about all the brilliant things I can teach The Spanner before she even turns six. Character has to be the top priority for all of us - especially The Mummy.

Thus begins the homeschooling journey of The Mummy, The Spanner, The Messie, and The Yabbie (so named until I come up with better nicknames) with The Daddy playing an essential supporting role.